KarenK

Gwen, you're so right. Youth was so much nicer and I think we didn't appreciate it at the time. lol I have adapted to the loss of teeth as I have to the loss of so many things in the last few years. At least it can be corrected to a certain extent. At 72, my hair remains blonde. It has been white blonde all my life, but is more golden now. No gray in it that I can see. It's probably my last "saving grace". I suppose on the whole, what we have all lost are our dreams. Ours was to move to our cabin in the mountains. I miss that place so much. It was easy to escape there when it got 110 here, but we were younger, healthier, and very poor financial planners, so it's gone. I can't manage the yard work anymore either, Kay. I did it all for a lot of years before Ron passed away. He lost the ability to do so many thing that he enjoyed by 2000. I still do the housework and cooking, but am so fortunate that my son and grandson are here to do the rest. Marley has learned to avoid her Lupus medication in bread, cheese, lunch meat, hot dogs, etc. so we're at peanut butter now which seems to be working. Drat! Now she's eating all my peanut butter!

I am here just plodding along. My biggest excitement is my bi-weekly dental visits. Have had all the necessary extractions(knock on wood) and now have a whopping 11 teeth left. He wanted to pull 1 more yesterday, but I asked him to try and save it if he could. A couple more fillings and he can order the bridge or whatever it is to make me look presentable. I don't go many places anymore and it's just as well as we are in the HOT time of year here. The TV and making jewelry are my friends, and of course the two big dogs who accompany me throughout the house, which reminds me to ask you Kay about Arlie. It's the time of year for the city to jump my a$$ because my lawn is not "verdant and green", so my son bought a new big sprinkler and some grass seed which the birds will enjoy and I will get to pay a doubled water bill. Ah, life in the big city. Love it!! Peace to everyone.

So sorry Gwen, that you fell and that you are sick, Kay. A drawback of the Internet is not being close enough to friends to help when it's needed. Love you guys, Karen

Marg, have read all the J.A. Jance except the newest one. Have a few more to go of Margaret Coel and Dana Stabenow. Have started in on Karin Slaughter. Her stuff is pretty raw. Fortunately , my mind does not remember the "bad stuff" once I close the book. Like to watch action movies also. Just mundane things to fill up the hours.

Gwen, I made it though my whole life without watching "A Star Is Born", despite all the remakes. I decided to watch this latest one. I made it all the way to the end before the tears threatened. Guess that's why I mostly watch crime dramas.......................

George, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. May you and your family be at peace.

Kay, I'm so sad for you and beautiful Arlie. I know you are best friends. Life is far from fair. I hope you will have many special days in the park. Pay no attention to those who would judge you, only to those of us who love you. Thinking of you, Karen

This is stupid and I know it. Tonight, I knocked my favorite coffee mug(empty) off the counter and it shattered into many pieces,along with what's left of my heart. I just sobbed. It was a souvenir mug from Yellowstone. I had waited 50 years to return to the Tetons and surrounding area where I spent the best summers of my life. We made the trip before Debbie and Ron were diagnosed with cancer, a good time in our lives filled with traveling memories. My son is a whiz with steady hands and Gorilla Glue and although it won't be usable, I will keep it for the memory. The older I get, the more those memories fade from my brain. Too bad Gorilla Glue doesn't work on hearts.

Johnny, My heart goes out to you on this special day. How very true that nobody knows how the story will end. I met Ron 47 years ago at a red light. He rolled down his window and invited me for a drink. I declined. I didn't pick up strangers. But this guy was kind of cute and drove a "hot" car, so I told him that he could follow me to my friend's house. We were going dancing. I figured it was safe. After all, her dad and 4 kids were there and this was back in the day when the world wasn't quite so crazy(to me, at least). We drove to the club in separate cars, had a good time dancing and for some reason I told him my "real" name and phone number. My friend and I had a policy to never give that info out. He left during the evening. Three weeks later, he called me for a date as I was leaving to go dancing again. My friend and I met him at the club. We danced some more, got a little drunk, and he drove me home. He stayed for 41 years until his death on May 5, 2013. I could not have dreamed how our story would end. We can treasure what we had, which is more than most. I still see that cute guy in the "hot" car sitting at the red light................

Kay, Do I have to come up there and smack you around or lock you in your room? You are grounded! LOL Surgery is serious business, girl. Love Ya, Karen

Nice Mother's Day today for me. I woke up thinking it would be a rather sad day as Debbie would always call on Mother's Day and my birthday. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a basket flower arrangement sitting on the island. My son had bought it for me. He said he woke up and realized that I really have no one left to buy anything for me except for him so he went out and got them. I was pleasantly surprised as neither he nor my grandson are big on gifts except for Christmas. During childhood and marriage there were gifts and cards exchanged for every occasion. It was just a way of life, one which he did not adopt. I give thanks for the blessings I still have. Kay, so glad surgery is behind you. Your Mother's Day gift is beautiful and you so deserve it.

JTP, "I've been killed and I have been left alive" is a quote from Ana, another one of our members. I think that thought remains constant with most of us here because we do understand. I'm so sorry you've had to join us, but we welcome you and will walk beside you on this most treacherous journey. There is no "being stuck", no "choice" that you made. It was made for you. You will adapt in your own time. I don't say "accept", only "adapt" because that is what we do. I lost my husband Ron to cancer 6 years ago after 41 years of marriage. A year later, I was slammed with the death of my daughter, also to cancer. They had no "choice". Neither did I. You will "move forward", whether it be one minute at a time, or one hour at your own pace. Ignore those with their petty remarks and suggestions They will never "get it". Peace to you, Karen

Have a peaceful birthday, Mitch. Somehow, "happy" no longer pertains to birthday.

Six years ago today, we brought Ron home from the hospital in an ambulance attached to a portable ventilator. I will never forget when the Hospice nurse removed the ventilator, how he sat up and said "I'M ALIVE" and immediately fell back into semi-consciousness. I held his hand as he took one less breath each hour for 19 hours and then he was gone. I think I was stunned. This could not be, but it was. It was the start of what has been the worst years of my life. The days are somewhat easier now, yet still filled with the unending sadness and loneliness that have become my constant companions. Life goes on..............

Kay, Just read your "news". Please know that I am thinking of you and sending good vibes your way. I am blessed with a million moles and accumulate more the older I get. I have a checkup every year to make sure all is well. At least 20 years ago, I had a Melanoma removed from my lower spine. A bit worrisome because of the location, but a specialist did the surgery and all has been fine since. We love you and are all in your corner.

Gwen, Pinky rings are the hardest for me to keep up with. They seem to be just a tiny bit too big and are always slipping off my fingers inside my purse or in the grocery bags when I'm unloading the groceries. I keep some of the bags to use in my small trash cans in various rooms. I lost a favorite in January and went through the bags which I hang in a closet, but it seemed to really be gone. Strangest thing happened..........in March, I took the last bag(of a handful) from the closet and laid it on the footstool of my favorite chair to use in the nearby trash can. I noticed something on the floor and lo' and behold, it was that ring. I know it hadn't been laying there for 3 months, so either my "ghost" that lives here placed it there or it fell out of that bag I had checked previously. So, if you're crazy like me and save grocery bags, check them. Sure hope you find your ring. I'm sure it's very special.

Darrel, So glad you have returned "home" safely. Will be waiting for that photo. Houston is my birthplace.

Kay, so sorry you are facing yet another weather challenge. Sure hope you can get supplies into your area. Saw pictures on the internet and it looks awful. We are twins again! I have 12 teeth left, but will be losing one more that has broken off. I've always taken care of my teeth, but they have sure not returned the favor. Will go back in 3 weeks to be measured for a partial that can be added to, if necessary. The pain has eased a bit, but I look kind of like a werewolf now. lol Guess that's fitting as wolves are my favorite animal. Will definitely not be going out anywhere until I'm presentable.

CairnLady, My daughter lived near Glasgow, Ky out in the country. Such a beautiful green place, but oh so humid in summer and icy cold in winter. I have been there many times. Darrel, Wishing you the best in your move. Third times the charm, you know so maybe the hurricanes will leave you alone. I was born in Houston, but have not been there since I was about 5 years old when we moved to dusty west Texas.

I read the "Two Women" book yesterday. Thought it was pretty good. We all do what we have to do to survive. Have been dreading the extraction of my 4 front bottom teeth, but decided I had to bite the bullet and get them out. Constant infections and getting worse over time. Been waiting for 3 months for my insurance to respond to the dentist with their estimate of a partial, but couldn't wait any more. Just got back from the dentist. Hurt like hell to get the gum shots, but I survived. Every tooth extraction makes me think of poor Ron having 13 teeth pulled in one day. He was so much stronger than I will ever be.

Marg, I picked up "Two Old Women" at the library today. Plan to start it when I finish my current murder mystery. I read about 30 different authors, so I jump around a lot. As we get older it is scary to realize that we are not immortal. I probably never thought much about that until I lost Ron and Debbie. The problem with my heart is not hearing it beat, but with how it beats hard enough to shake me sometimes when I lie down. I seem to "work" in reverse. My BP goes up when I lie down, instead of down. But, I've been all checked out and stamped "acceptable", so ......... I'm sure a lot of it has to do with only sleeping around 4 hours at a time. I have yet to figure out how to stay asleep.

Johnny, Your memory of dancing with Rene'e is beautiful and special. It is memories like those that help us find our way.

Kay, You have so eloquently expressed what many of us are feeling. Each of us feel a love and a loss that extends over time.

I am very proud of you, Maryann! You have come so far. I hope life is treating you well.

Johnny, I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand how devastated you must feel and what a "slap" it must have been to see that wheelchair. The night I took my husband, Ron to the hospital for the last time, we had just received a delivery of medicines and IV equipment prescribed by the hospital he was discharged from just 5 hours before("We think that the Sepsis is gone,but just in case it's not, give him all this medicine...........") Long story short, after 6 months of procedures done and redone and medical errors following his cancer diagnosis, his poor body and soul said "Enough". Following an aspiration into his lungs, he was put on life support. He could not recover and a few days later, I was responsible for removing the life support from the man I had been married to for over 40 years. I felt guilty beyond belief, unbearable anger against the medical profession and totally destroyed. A year later, I watched my daughter die after a long, vicious battle with cancer. I did not think that the pain could get worse, but it did. For a time, I think I lost my mind. I did things that were costly and illogical without thinking, not like me at all. It was the only way I could temporarily escape the pain. That was 6 years ago. There are still days where it is a challenge to want to remain a part of the human race. The horrible memories are burned into my brain, just as the good ones are. As time passes, those good memories will trample the bad. Grief has no expiration date. You will simply grieve until you don't anymore. It does not mean that you love the person less. I think it just moves to the back burner of your brain. Sorry to be so long winded. Just know that whatever you are feeling is normal. Each of us has felt it and we remain here to support you in any way needed. Karen