My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

Cranberry juice is good for UTIs, glad it's working!  Yogurt is too, don't know if you like it or not.

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, KarenK said:

Either cranberry juice and water are a miracle for a UTI or I'm crazy which is debatable. I've been drinking both and my symptoms and discomfort are almost gone. Still have to respond pretty quickly when the need arises, but that could just be old age calling. Not going to try and figure this out, just keep my fingers crossed.

Karen:  So happy to hear your symptoms have quieted down.  It has worked for me too in the past.  Another thing that I do only because I read it somewhere is swallowing a little bit of baking soda helps if in early symptoms stage.  Go figure.  Just so happy you aren't suffering anymore.  Keep drinking water, too.  Hugs, Dee

[Gwenivere]

As luckwould have it, I’m back in the ER with breathing problems.  Even had called 911 and had that experience.  They assessed me and advised calling my doc and was told to go to the ER.  It’s the strangest experience as I got in immediately, but they won’t come inthe room unless absolutely necessary.  Couldn’t even parking  the lot, had to be helped by wheelchair.  They have these fans in the room that are deafening.  I’ve had the customary EKG, blood draws, X-ray and new nasal swab for the virus.  Waiting on a CT and hoping like crazy I get to go home.  I don’t think I can mentally take another admission.  I know they don’t want to admit people if possible for strains of supplies.  I’m almost at a point that I would leave AMA if it comes to that.  This also gives me another day of laying with my bad back with no exercise.  So I’ll pay for that too.  One of the heart monitor leads came off and no one has come to fix it.  I don’t do well  out of routine and I should be home right now giving my furry kids green beans.  They have someone patrolling the hall looking in making sure you are not doing anything but laying there.  I’m concerned because the X-ray obviously to the CT requirement.  It’s an hour later and still I wait.  I’m so tired of more crisis.  I wish it would just end.  It’s time like these I just want to end.  This is he most extreme isolation I’ve felt in the presence of other humans.

[Margm]

I'm so sorry Gwen.  I wish there was something I could say.  Please have patience (that is all you can do.)  I was afraid at the clinic yesterday and they took my vitals outside, temperature and that thing they stick on your finger.  All masks, gloves.  No hazmat.  You stayed in your car until brought in, straight to room.  Please take care and let us hear from you.  

[widow'15]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 It’s an hour later and still I wait.  I’m so tired of more crisis.  I wish it would just end.  It’s time like these I just want to end.  This is he most extreme isolation I’ve felt in the presence of other humans.

Gwen:  So sorry to read you are back in hospital.  Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping by now you are home with Ally and Mel.  Hugs, Dee

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry, Gwen 

Do keep us posted, and know that we are thinking of you and pulling for you ❤️

[KarenK]

Oh no, Gwen. Hope you will be back home safely, soon.

[Gwenivere]

I was released and no embolism.  Unfortunately, no definite cause for how I’m feeling.  Soon after  the relief I dropped back into anxiety. And frustration.  I got home and it was my dinner time and had to unpack my 'just in case' hospital bag and it was time fir dinner at 10pm.The day was a blur being in that creepy environment.  Missed my escape nap.  Of course worried I will feel this tomorrow and have already done the options.  Just hoping it’s not worse.  The doc asked me (because of my anxiety disorder) if I felt more stressed out than normal.  Uh, yah!  When I had told him I really noticed it when shopping he said maybe you are just to tensed out because it’s so different.  I know that is a part of it.  Maybe it is the epicenter, tho anxiety never physically lowered my oxygen saturation, tho I never measured it as I didn’t have a monitor..  on the plus side I looked improved on my lungs that are so trashed.  What they picked of my spine did not sound good which I knew from the pain.  Now I wait to see if they call about the covid screening.   Only will if its positive.  

I've noticed I am hyper ware of music and movies about blossoming love and family.   A consequence of the loneliness.  Watching all those brave health care workers (I thanked them all) protecting us and themselves because they had families or love interests beyond just not themselves. Saw lots on the phone to home.  Trekking to the car in the dark to come home were deserted streets with houses with warm home fires burning.  They looked so warm.  I remember being one of those houses with life.  

I hope all of you stay healthy and can withstand the extra loneliness here strange times have caused.  ❤️

 

[kayc]

Gwen, I caught myself holding my breath as reading your post, so glad you made it home same day w/o worse for the wear.  Seems a stupid question for the doctor to ask!  I hate to even turn on the t.v. because this is all they talk about as if we aren't living it enough.  Praying for you!

[Gwenivere]

Thanks everyone.  I did get my virus screening late last night.  It was negative.  A nurse called to tell me too.  I’m relieved but aware that is for now.  That’s the thing about this whole mess.  You do anything around people and it could change.  They gave me a mask to wear and said to wear it going out since I’m more vulnerable.  I don’t know how long it is effective.  Can’t get more anywhere.  

Woke up today with the same symptoms as my nose was stuffed up.  Will have to see how the day progresses.  I didn’t even bother to unpin my hair.  Supposed to be a shower day but I don’t know how I’ll feel.  Supposed to have a video visit with my Sunday friend.  I’m just so tired of this distance.  Yesterday in the ER was like some sci fi movie but real!  All us patients in rooms people peered in the window at and talked to by intercom and if they did come in you couldn’t see thier faces.  It was an experience I didn’t need like the hospital/rehab stint.  Add in my first time with 911 and I’m thoroughly freaked out by masked and hazmat people.  When they took me for the CT scan they didn’t take the bed as usual, special plastic wheelchairs they could wipe down.  I understand it all,  but psychologically it gets to you.  Can’t tell one day from another anymore.   Watching people walking cross the street to avoid close contact.  

I just took some Xanax as I am trying to stave off attacks but losing the battle.  Maybe it’s just me but this isolation is killing me inside.  Add in the physical symptoms and I’m losing it big time.  

[widow'15]

20 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

I did get my virus screening late last night.  It was negative.  A nurse called to tell me too.  I’m relieved but aware that is for now.

Gwen:  Good news to see your virus screening indicates you are negative for now.  The hospital must be using the testing system where test results are identified quickly.  So for now maybe you can find time to rest.

I hear you with your 911 ride to hospital has changed.  More and more all activities have changed.  I just got home from picking up my groceries at the "grocery pick up" system offered by Fred Meyer.  I have been using it prior to Corona virus way to live and even though it is fantastic, it is mind boggling to find so many items, like milk, bread are already sold out for the day.  I next ventured on to the pet food store.  Had to stand outside behind a line, wash my hands and wait until there were limited number of customers inside.  Once ready to check out, again another line on floor to stand behind, walk up to counter while checker step back as far as she can, and once I placed basket next to counter, I step back and the checker steps forward to the cash register.  Every movement is choreographed like a dance.  Next time I need dog food, I will use their new system where I call ahead, place order, then they will bring it to my car.

Wonder if anything will be the same anymore?  As I drove into my garage, tears filled my eyes, (I  find tears so easily lately), I was thankful I got through this chore, all the while thinking how wonderful it would be not to have to do it alone.  

Stay well and safe, Dee. 

[Margm]

This is not going to make you feel better, but I'm noticing a lot of people losing it.  Said that domestic violence had increased.  I do not hear of as many drive by  shootings.  We measured Brianna last night and neither of us could remember if it was 58 or 68 inches.  Both of us are numerically stunted and finally figured (with use of calculator), we could not use fingers and toes to count, but if it was 58, she was shorter than I am.  We finally figured it out (a 3rd grader would have done it in seconds), but got the measuring tape stuck underneath the baseboard.  Finally got it out with running a screwdriver under the baseboard.  

I think we are doing a lot of TV watching (I've done very little reading), and a whole lot of eating, which is troubling as the need for food means foraging, around humans.  Screaming only gives me a headache, which I already had until I remembered I needed coffee.  I tried to clean my stove and now cannot get it back together.  I'm fixing to have to use it and I'm scared.

So fear and paranoia are constant companions.  Netflix saves me from watching what is happening now.  But, I want to know what is happening now.  I don't think Xanax is going to help me unless I take upward dose and that will just make me sleep.

We are all going through the same craziness (I'm sorta hoping everyone is a little more sane than I am), but I'm not certain.  My daughter had to block a friend of hers who is a health worker because I went to the clinic Friday.  

“All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer.”  ― robert owen 

Mama used to say this different of course, substitute "crazy" for "queer" and in Robert Owen's day, the words were perfectly normal.  

It is like the paths we walk.  All are different, but all the same.  And, I do admit to a lot of paranoia.  I am certainly  more aware of my heart beats, but so far it still is beating. 

[kayc]

Gwen, so glad to hear your test came back negative!  Here you have to be half dead to get tested and no results for days!

[KarenK]

Gwen, so glad you're back home safely and "holding your own", except for the blasted pain.

Marg, we got a free Netflix trial, so I've been watching it constantly. Lot of good movies. I also have Amazon Prime on my Kindle(don't know why, but I'll take it). I much prefer the TV to the Kindle for watching movies though.

I'm not exactly paranoid, but having gone through the non stop coughing for weeks with the Aspergillus in 2014, being hospitalized and given a ton of meds because they couldn't figure it out, and getting Thrush from the steroids and now living with the residuals, plus constant shortness of breath, let's just say I'm especially cautious. Do not want to relive that experience!

So, is Brianna 5'8" tall? She must take after Billy's side.

[Gwenivere]

7 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Wonder if anything will be the same anymore?  As I drove into my garage, tears filled my eyes, (I  find tears so easily lately), I was thankful I got through this chore, all the while thinking how wonderful it would be not to have to do it alone. 

I have the same concerns.  What will people be like when this ends?  How long wil it take for trust to be reastablished?  I was behind a couple today who wouldn’t get near the checker.  They were poking their groceries towards him then backing away.  They hassled him too about not being sterile and he showed them his sanitizer and mask.  I found it very insulting to someone there who is in contact with people all shift.  Also safer than the self checks as they aren’t wiped down between customers.  I knew it would start getting to people that aren’t nice to those keeping it possible for us to get our needs.  I thank them always as I did all the medical staff when I was in the ER.  I know this is a stressful time and nothing like we’ve ever seen.  But no excuse to hassle others unless they are a true threat.  We are to them also.  Here in Seattle they keep stressing be kind and safe.  We’re all in this together.

i cry too, Dee.  You aren’t alone.   I think we are crying because we are alone.  I’ve never envied couples so much as I do now.  To come home to Steve would make this so much easier.  Crying s good too, mental health specialists are encouraging it as a survival skill.  

Tight virtual hugs to everyone as it’s safe here.  💖

[Margm]

Bri has two concerts in August.  You know they will not have thousands of teens and young people all together by then.  I was a child at the end of WW-II.  I remember the rationing, I remember Mama's Victory Garden, the canning, and I might talk harsh about my mom, but that woman knew how to handle things.  It was only when her mind was under the influence of Alzheimer's that things fell apart for her.  I never saw the grief after Daddy passed away.  I saw anger at him for having a cancer that could have been cured and instead of checking on it, he took his pastor's antibiotics to treat symptoms.  He was always so afraid he was going to get cancer and he made sure Mama had her tests to check for things, but he didn't and she stayed angry at him for leaving.  She looked like a movie star.  She never let herself go like I have.  I put off the Census until almost midnight of the day it was to be finished.  I was scared to death of the numbers.  I hate numbers.  I had never filled out a census or income tax.  Mama was a whiz with numbers.  

Anyhow, this is the first major trauma in life since Billy left.  Jobs, lack of groceries, all the things they say are going to happen, all we can do is do like we have done so far, just get through it the best we can.  We have a curfew of 8:00 p.m.  

And, I think I am just plain scared.  I have admitted to being scared before, but that was not fear.  I try not to watch the news.  I'm out of words.  That's unusual. 

[kayc]

Karen, I got the impression from what Marg said that Bre is taller than her so yeah, she must be 5'8".  

Marg, I, too am great with numbers.  I can spot something off on a report, enjoy reading statistics because they speak a story, numbers don't lie.  They're concrete, something you can work with.  My kids are like me in that respect.  Both of them won the state mental math contests every year in school.  But ask me to put something together with two or more parts?  I'm out of my element. If someone shows me how to do it I can if I remember what they did but I have a hard time with reading instructions because sometimes they're written in a way I don't understand them or their drawings look like nothing I'm looking at.  I'm visual.  It has to be clear.  I always kept manuals but nowadays they don't send manuals with things.  I remember my boss threw away the manual to the new printer so everyone would ask me how to use it!  I downloaded it and kept it on my PC.  One of the reasons I hire someone to mow my lawn with THEIR lawnmower!  One is I have hayfever, the other is I don't want to have to do the maintenance, it's beyond me.  Income taxes, no problem, bookkeeping fun.  I do not like doing state payroll taxes, quarterly or annual though, the feds aren't bad so far but next time's will be harder because they have something different on it I haven't heard of or studied yet.  Sometimes I wonder, "When do I get to be old?"  I still have to do things too much like jobs I've had.  Ahh well, better than being bored I guess.

Serious?  You have a curfew?!  Haven't heard of one here!  But we can't congregate, if you don't live with someone you aren't supposed to be near them, period!  Some people are  breaking it, it's aggravating, they put us all at risk as these same people go to the store, gas station, etc.

[Margm]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Serious?  You have a curfew?! 

Not just a curfew, we have a fine from $500 to $1000 if caught.  It is unreal.  This whole thing is unreal.  Grief is unreal.  Living is unreal.  I have to go get a few things today.  Toilet paper and towel paper are non-existent.  We live in "another world" country.  They buy out the meats.  My daughter could not find HB meat.  It is like living in a horror movie.  

Also, my sister has just shamed me into not getting out of the house.  She was very stern (like my dad always was) by telling me I could not go to the store because I would bring the virus into Brianna and Scott.  I am angry, mainly because there is truth in what she says, but I guarantee you the grocery store will not deliver her cigarettes.  She will have to go out.  Also her cat's food and litter.  She is afraid mainly I might bring the virus to her and she is in no condition to fight it off.  (Well, neither am I).  Guess I might try grocery order later, but they cannot pick my stove parts out.  (Orders are so far  backed up sometimes you are given "days" before they can get to it.  I understand.

 

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Things are getting so crazy the longer people are forced into isolating.  Maybe doing things that are dangerous or just break the distance rule out of desperation. Those who have lost jobs and businesses are so very hurting.   Places like Walmart have already started limiting access and other stores may follow.  Online delivery is backed up for days.  

I thought about how it would be handled if it comes to essentially martial law. I think that might push people over the edge.  I can’t imagine getting fined for taking a drive after a certain time just to get out of the house and not endangering anyone.  They’d abide for a bit, but being treated as prisoners would backfire. People, especially now, need to feel they have SOME power of choice.  Take that away and it’s going to get ugly.  

There’s already people stuck in domestic violence situations and that breaks my heart.  

[Margm]

I Lysol sprayed my mask, my lungs now have Lysol, I sprayed my shoes, top and bottom, all my clothes, hair, purse, put mask on and went in.  I took about 6-7 lengths of Lysol wipes and kept lysoling my hands.  

Anyhow I did this going in, then getting back in my car, the seats and the steering wheel.  

I came home, deposited groceries on floor, sprayed over them in the car.  Came home, showered with antibacterial soap and clean clothes.  

I have had enough  guilt in my life and won't stand for it now.  My son just called me and one of the workers that was sick before he got there, he passed away.  So, I worry enough about him now.  

"Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand"

I'm afraid I was my maiden name only 18 years.  I have been my husband's name for 59 years and one thing you never did, my kids included, you did not tell them they could not do something (after the kids got of age to not mind anymore).  I'm home and will take my blood pressure medicine.  I hate getting so angry.  

[Gwenivere]

I’m a bit confused by the last paragraph of your post, Marg.  What are you angry about?  The curfew?  The whole predicament?  I don’t change my 'out there' clothes.  I just change when I get home.  I couldn’t handle showers ash time I went out by people.  My back couldn’t take it.  I’ve been keeping my hair pinned up all day now as how I look just isn’t that important to me.  Saves washing it too.  I missed the chance to get a much shorter trim.  My anger is at the virus.  I’m still not clear on how it started.  Bats or something?  I remember the SARS thing years ago.  Masks and fear, but this is so much worse.  

You defintely protected yourself going out.  I don’t do all that stuff.  I do the distancing and use lots of Purell when out.  We were told here disinfecting groceries wasn’t needed anymore except produce.  They closed all the bins for nuts, spices, flour and such.  I just posted in another topic how the stores are now going to limit customer count.  Not sure how I will handle that with my back and oxygen needs.  Home delivery is days out, have to figure about 5 now.  Washington and California are doing so well at containing the spread.  We are still going to have isolation thru part of May and then assessed again.  The worry is people coming into the state from others behind in protocols.  I’m thinking air travel might get shut down.  Don’t know how they will handle drivers.  Don’t know if proposed moratoriums on rent and mortgages will happen.  Hope so til people get monthly incomes again.   

Drat, just got a call from my doctors office and they want me in for this breathing problem.  Normally that would be a good thing since everything has gone to televisits.  This means they consider it serious and will probably lead to a heart specialist.  It brings me me to despair and tears because I’ve done nothing but medical crap since late December and then the hospital stint.  It just keeps going onside on and on.  I’m so tired of it all.  I’m tired of feeling off and no answers.  I brushed Ally earlier and not even close to what she needs but it wiped me out after a couple other stops.  Originally the doc said it was probably stress and anxiety.  My labs and ER tests are considered OK.  It’s time for a cry from frustration.  Now I’m afraid of a heart attack or stroke.  The docs just talk about stuff so casually not realizing the effect of all this has on a patient.

 

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m a bit confused by the last paragraph of your post, Marg.

I guess I was angry about being guilted in not leaving the house.  And, after reading your problems, it was petty stuff.  I'm sorry and I hope this can be taken care of without much trouble.  I would like for you to get some good news for awhile.

No, the curfew does not bother me.  Cannot drive after dark anyhow.

The world has Humpty Dumpty sitting on a wall and I hope we can keep him there.  I'm sorry about the breathing problems.  I sure hope you get some relief.  Heart with you.  

[kayc]

Marg, WalMart is backed up over two weeks on their orders.  I got groceries yesterday, not a speck of T-paper anywhere!  I got the last double roll of paper towels, had to choose between that and napkins, they won't let you have both.  The line going into the store is marked with tape, every 6' someone can stand.  When someone comes out, they let one person go in, after giving them directions.  All aisles are one way, cannot pass anyone.  If you don't find what you're looking for you have to go in a lengthy loop to get back to that area again.  Had to go three times around to find cottage cheese!  Looked for taco meat, they misdirected me, turns out they didn't get it in, two loops for nothing.  She brought out some scraps I'd throw away if I was butchering!  Full of tendons, fat, junky pieces, no thanks!  Line 6' apart for paying, they direct you up there when you can go.  They hired two people just to disinfect the carts.  Every checkout stand was open to keep things flowing.  I can't count the number of people who broke the rules and passed me!  Aggravated me that they put my life in jeopardy because they''re impatient and selfish.  None of us wanted to stand there waiting, but it's what we have to do right now.  I had to take Kodie with me because the vet made me bring him in for weighing before they'd give me his flea pill.  I weighed him, told them he was between 11 and 12 lbs, they wouldn't take my word for it.  He weighed in at 11.6  I was right.  Because of that he had to sit in the car for four hours!  Poor little guy!  He got a well deserved basted rawhide chew when we got home and a walk to follow.  I'd forgotten to bring water with me, all I could get was carbonated and he wasn't going for that (it tastes disgusting!) so I put a bit in his mouth anyway, I was worried about him getting dehydrated but the old adage about you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, applies to puppies too!

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Drat, just got a call from my doctors office and they want me in for this breathing problem.

Oh no!  Let us know what you find out!  I hope it doesn't overtax you.

[Gwenivere]

Waiting to hear what the point is to go in to show them my stats drop and make that long painful walk when they can’t do anything.  I would think they could determine who to refer me to by the reported symptoms and tests the ER did last Saturday.  Not that I don’t want to get out from this isolation,, but not the way I want to do it.  Pretty much everything overtaxes me one way or another these days.  Talked to my financial advisors assistant about an account, asked how she was doing at home and it was about her and her husband, going to the mountains, staying in a cabin together.  *sigh*.