My Sanity Needed Vents

[KarenK]

Got some sad news today. Went for a haircut and was told that one of the stylists who usually cuts it was diagnosed with cancer. Evidently she's had it for a long time and didn't know and it's already spread to many areas. Although she is in treatment, the prognosis doesn't sound good. She is about the age my daughter would be. I just hate it!!!

[Margm]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Tornadoes get it over with in one fail swoop

True enough.  Keithville is a suburb of Shreveport.  A mama and her little eight-year-old boy were killed there.  Homes look like matchsticks and a concrete foundation.  Mother Nature has a strong hand.  The storms are over, the cold front is in and talking possible snow for Christmas.  If you don't like today's weather, wait for tomorrow.  

I'm sorry people are sick, not only the holiday season, but also all year long.  The situation with people that make life harder for you, I guess you just have to figure out if you'd be better alone, if not, then I guess they are worth putting up with.  Certainly, we all live with difficulties or difficult people   Sometimes we make our own difficulties.  I certainly do.  

I wish I was a child again, but I have to be careful of what I wish for, a child is cute, an elderly child is a bother.  

I wish you all felt better.  A lot of sadness this past two weeks.  I remember Hettie, my neighbor telling me, that we were both old (she is four years older than I am) and at this age, it is about losing friends. One young friend breaks my heart.  She fought so hard to live with all the treatments available to her.  One young man told of seeing this little "spitfire" while they were stationed in Germany.  She was playing women's league softball.  Little short girl, hit the ball to outfield, short legs made it to first, bad throw, made it to second, another bad throw and she made it all the way home.  She came into the stands and said hello to him.  Her husband stationed there too.  He was a classmate.  She never gave up.  A good analogy, all the years of fighting this monster cancer, she took everything available, so sick, so many years, more time spent in MD Anderson.  She finally made it home.  She kept us updated each week until she couldn't.  She complained some, the treatment was painful, but she stayed in the game until they had to put her in a coma.  This was Kelli's friend, her mom and dad from my hometown and my former church.    

[Gwenivere]

We all are winding up the victims of old age.  Not something we can be cured of.  I had a very brief moment yesterday morning of still being very bent over but no pain. I could find some way of living with that.  But that doesn’t matter as it won’t happen.    
 

Home nurse has been discharged.  Didn’t know it was a short term program.  I guess I don’t need them right now.  It can be restarted if needed. I think it’s another feeling of loss.  Keeps happening even with stuff I’m not even into.  Maybe contact with people that I crave.  Shower today and waiting to hear from my shrink I would like to cancel. I know I’ve said how much I dislike hi.  I literally wouldn’t call 911 if he needed help for how he treats clients.  He should know what it feels like.  I don’t know why he is making my med changes so cruel.  
 

Watching Judge Judy and Wheel in between the Seahawks game as we are already beaten.  All I’m looking forward to is movie time.  Last Daniel Day Lewis movie t before he retired.   I told mr counselor about my harmful thoughts every day.  Se knows better than to report it.  She knows me and how I will get done what I want.   I hate feeling so boxed in.

 I’m still trying to figure out how to handle the holiday feelings.  I’d love to hear how others are doing.  The nurse yesterday mentioned about the dog bed and toys then showed me me  a picture of his gorgeous lab mix.  It tore me up.  Any of our dogs or pinpointed things opens  channels to so many others.  On Judge Judy last night she referred to a tree being planted 30 years ago as a little thing and how huge it would be now.  Found it a good a good analogy.

 

 

[kayc]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

We all are winding up the victims of old age.  Not something we can be cured of.

For sure!

     

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I told mr counselor about my harmful thoughts every day.  Se knows better than to report it.

Ha, I would not trust a doctor's office as far as I could spit!  They send me pages and pages of questionnaires to fill out every time I go in, even if for a phone visit!  Family history, my history, everything...did they think it changed from last time?!  They also have a page or two on my mental health, I write no...no...no...no to everything!  They document whatever you write and it's saved for all time!  Last thing I'd need is a mental health expert showing up at my door!  I'd hand them a snow shovel.  If they wanted to talk they'd have to keep up with me!

First time I heard of Judge Judy saying anything nice! 

[Gwenivere]

I love Judge Judy.  She’s quick, smart and up front with her feelings.  I’ve learned a lot listening to her.  Pretty unique for a silly reality show.

Been feeling so sick to my stomach with all the pills.  I’ve got to start having some crackers.  See how that effects shitting the bathroom.  What crazy things to have to do.  Had my shower and it was awkward and tough as always.  Didn’t dare eat much of anything after.  Trying to keeping my eyes open after my meds  after the surgery assessment center news. I’m thinking of trying to drop some Xanax til movie time.  
 

Finally heard back from the surgeon that I'm not doing anything that is hurting myself more.  That is good and bad.  Bad for meaning the pain won’t change for the good.  Also talked to my shrink and he’s dead set on getting me off the meds he  had prescribed.  That’s when we-part part ways.  I’ll likely not find anyone so glad I have a decent stash.  
 

Up too late to make bedtime.  

[kayc]

If I had a doctor hell bent on doing I didn't consider good, I'd be on a search to find a new one pronto!  It may be an arduous task.  I had a good one, he left w/o telling me...I sure miss him!

Finally got my package from USPS...it was out for delivery and the mailman delivered my other pkg but marked this delivery exception, interference from an animal.  ???  I went to the mailbox right after he drove off, there were no animals!  I immediately went to my email to see if it showed anything and that's what I got...so I know he coded it such right away.  I called the post office, they called me back 1/2 hour later, said he "forgot it" and didn't find it until he was nearly back to the post office (20 min. if you don't have mail stops).  I didn't mind his forgetting, accidents happen, esp. this time of year, but I sure hate being lied to!  It was wound tape my sister sent me from Amazon, sure could have used it as all I could get here was athletic tape, not breathable.

All a day in the life of...

[Gwenivere]

Woke up to rainy snow which ended shortly after.  Very ark and breezy.  Got a package with lots of brownies from my cousin.  Need to cal my thank you as she rarely turns on her computer.  She’s hard to talk to being a fixer.  Going to share them with people that give us treats. I couldn’t eat a whole one as it is.  Sure was nice of her to do.  
 

Dee made scrambled eggs for lunch.  Haven’t had any since rehab and actually warm.  Nice change.  Fought with T Mobile for a long time as i'm locked out of my account online.  Still am but it was time to quit.  When you’ve talked to 2 agents, been dropped to start over and gone thrU procedure 10 times, best to walk away for the day.  Dee’s taking the phone n to get them to set the account up..
 

Talk to Nina today.  Church meals.  Will probably be sandwiches.  Think we may get gift cards from them.   Been thinking take out Mexican.  Haven’t had any in a long time.  
 

Started There With Be Blood which is. great and.slipping into some Yellowstone at TV time.  in a OK, I’ve depleted my small talk. Hard to believe Xmas is so close.  💕 to all.

[kayc]

The scrambled eggs sound good!  I haven't fixed them in a long while, might do that today with some cheese, I just opened some Monterey Jack...

I'm so glad you get the church meals, so helpful!

I called a friend yesterday, didn't leave a message, he called back last night...he tested positive for cancer (he said bowels, I asked Colon?  He said he thinks that's it...is supposed to go for a colonoscopy.  I told him Keto is known to reverse cancer, he said he doesn't have the energy.  ??  All it is is cooking, which he does anyway.  He said he's not going to be treated for it.  He's been plagued with something for many months.  I told him Inside Edition just did a special on it following Kirstie Alley's death...they call it the silent killer because by the time you have symptoms you are stage 4 and it's too late.  From what he's told me it's not sounding likely but he really needs the Colonoscopy to know for sure.  He said the doctor referred him and he's waiting to hear from the specialist to schedule...honestly, I wouldn't wait, I'd be bugging them and on their cancellation list, this sounds emergent, not a routine one!

He's talking of rehoming his beloved dog, God that's going to kill him, I thought of you, Gwen, how hard this is, it'd kill me to lose Kodie...I would take him but for my hands, can't handle a full German Shepherd!

[Gwenivere]

My dad went downhill fast when he lost his dog.  He had nothing left since his car was taken prior.  I think he did some treatment, but stoped.  I could never handle a large dog now as far as walking.  Mel and I never did that.  I think who she’s with take her for very short ones.  She hates cars in every way so doubt she would like them.

Got my RX's from the shrink.  I’m figuring about 2=3 more months and he won’t prescribe anymore and he is useless to me.  Will be a relief to me regarding him, but no one to turn to.  I’m not sure how things will go with the oxycodone going forward with my doctor.   It sure is messing up my thinking.  I’ve been making things too complicated switching between DVD and recorder  shows.  No more of that.  
 

TodayI need to make calls about the newspaper, a med test, med insurance and my fri**ing glasses.  The progressive is going to be the tricky part.  I don’t want to change glasses all the time.  
 

Church meal was OK.  Burger, chicken and lots of sandwiches.  Covered for lunch for the week.  
 

Hope all slept well.👀🙂🛌

 

[kayc]

I have triple progressives, never had any issues with them, have worn progressives about 30 years.  My sister refused to try them, she made things harder on herself. 

My internet started cutting in/out again yesterday so I had to get a flashlight and get on the floor and behind the back wall of this center to look at the cords, I unplugged the router, bypassed it with the modem and voila, it worked!  So no more wifi here.  That's okay, my laptop would connect but wouldn't go online.  I think I need a different internet provider, also for t.v. and phone, but I don't want to try switching in winter.  Dish keeps doing reboots, I know it's a matter of time it won't work at all, bad enough it's messing up my recordings.  How I hate change! 

Gwen, could you call your insurance for a list of providers and start calling them?  Here I go on FB Chat and ask who people have and if they like them and thus proceed, doesn't work in a big city though.  I finally got my ins. card for my doctor!  I had to activate it, never had to before, the first guy I called said he activated it, sounded fishy to me so called back and got someone else, had to read him the number on the back and he activated it.  Why I hate making these kinds of calls, always a hassle!  Funny how they always send you surveys on the good one but never on the bad one! Ha!

I have some Oxycodone from when I broke my right elbow years ago, it helped me get some sleep when I had surgery on my foot and didn't give me anything, that was so painful it wasn't funny!  I had words with the doctor the next morning about how she sent me home with nothing!  At least she apologized.

Glad you got all the food, Gwen!

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know how I’d approach another   shrink      regarding medication.  I think  asking about that would be viewed as drug seeking behavior.  It i s and they are the ones that dispense it.  My concern is them talking to this guy and his. Influence and changes he made that  messed things up combined with the oxycodone.  That has caused so much trouble since entering the picture. It’s going to be there a. long time too.  
 

Called my insurance about a Cologuard test.  Should be covered over a colonoscopy.  Have to get that ordered.  Updated my iPad operating system that took forever.  Finally got in without a fingerprint as that wouldn’t work.  
 

Haven’t set up my iPad for updating my T Mobile account.  I spent a very long time trying to do it by phone last week.  The store supposedly fixed it.  Dee and I are burned out for the day.  Will tend to that today.  Can’t find a key for Steve’s van so I don’t know how we will get it open for a jump.  The fob requires the battery.  Will have to call the dealership as I can’t find one in the house.  I know there is one.  Don’t carry any keys in my purse anymore.  
 

Started snowing big time last night.  Can’t say yet what we’ll wake to.  I’m guessing I’ll  lose TV as the dish will be covered.  No temps above freezing for a week.  
 

Good movie time.  Doing a couple Yellowstone's tonight.  Have my brownie treats for after dinner.  Calls to make. 
 

Off to bed routines.  The nothingness that w ill be broken by conscious.  Biggest hope is finding a glasses source.  Reading would be so great..  

[kayc]

Took my router out of the equasion, got internet back...then yesterday it went out again.  Not believing in coincidences, how can it be modem would act up in addition to router?  Called and they want to send someone out, said I'd have to pay for a new modem if needed...it was their equipment!  Had it 13 years.  I pay for Easy Care, $8.94/month, they said that's the ability to talk to them (foreigner, can't get stateside anymore) and covers their visit.  Big wow.  If I switch my price will go up three times as much.  They have you coming and going.

I have the same issues, Gwen, with internet dish (on roof of dogpen) and Dish dish (up slippery enbankment), it's a pain!  I use a carwash brush on a long pole, still hard where they put it.

It's too bad the guys that prescribes the medicine doesn't work in conjunction with counselor and surgeon in his prescribing so he'd know you're not a drug addict, you're just someone trying to get by in a LOT of pain and handicap.  I wish doctors came with more empathy as saw you as a person, not someone to just say no to and forget.  I wonder if it ever occurs to them how they treat their patients...

[Margm]

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I don’t know how I’d approach another   shrink      regarding medication.

Gwen, I do not know how they handle things now, I've been out of the transcription business for quite a long time now.  Usually that back surgery you had would always make the patient dependent on the pain medicine.  In this part of the country, Louisiana, they would automatically send the patient to the pain clinic and get them off the pain meds with methadone, and from what I would hear, it is just as addictive.  I don't know what they do now, but the patients went to the pain clinic for quite a long time.  I do not know if they still have this, but we were a university hospital, so possibly they still have one and have many different meds than methadone.  It just followed, if you had the back surgery, you usually knew they would have to go to the pain clinic.

It is ironic, Billy suffered back pain since his 30's and this was in his 70's.  I had heard (or possibly typed) a newer surgery that allowed them to be out of the hospital the next day.  He had herniated disks.  We were aware of it, but he was really afraid to have the surgery similar to yours.  It was in the surgeon's office they saw the aneurism at the base of his skull and called it "old" and I guess they knew.  We went to the neurosurgeon and even before the "special" neurosurgeon could operate he started having the belly pains and it went so fast after that, after the liver biopsy (which was a terrible nightmare), it was a teaching hospital.  The rest was a short history.  

Perhaps you could ask about the pain clinic (if they still have them.)  Of course, you are correct, they will think you are medication seeking with a new shrink.  You are not to blame for this situation.  You trusted the back surgery to help your pain, but I think the percentages of the people who have this surgery rely on pain medications.  That is not your fault, but unfortunately, it is your fate.  Also, you are living in a time the doctor can have his license pulled and possible jail time if he writes a bunch of prescriptions.  Biphetamines could be bought with a prescription in the 1970's, and also in the 1970's the Federal Government made them quit writing prescriptions.  So, seven years of biphetamines keeping me awake so  I could work 11-7, they stopped the doctors from writing the prescriptions.  I had a friend, her husband was a fireman, and he made amphetamines himself.  I was afraid of homemade meds that were illegal, so I went cold turkey off and was on the psych unit very fast.  I went totally berserk. Cannot tell you all I destroyed from withdrawal anger.  Almost destroyed Billy and myself.  We made it through it though, and he helped me.  It was literally years before I lost the need for this drug.  I had to work days because I could not stay awake on a night shift.  This was not pain, it was just a long withdrawal, so I understand being addicted.  I do take the Xanax and I'm sure I'm addicted.  Louisiana docs won't give it so I go back to my family clinic I had for nearly 20 years in Arkansas.  I never go over the amount allowed, or they would not let me have them and the effect of the drug lessens, the more you take, making you need more, so I do not take more.  I cut it down, and my words to myself are "quality or quantity."  I refer to life.  

Physical pain is something else though.  You have had painful surgery, surgery that I would figure causes most people to have to have the pain meds for a long time.  Hopefully you can find, be referred to, a pain specialist.  But your shrinks, your surgeons and your family doctors are required to tell when/where/how they dispense the pain meds.  Even the psych doc's are held to the same standards.  Ask about a pain clinic specialist.  Surely if my deep south state has these clinics, surely one more advanced will have them too.  You might have to go to another med that is also addictive, but has not come under the federal government's guidelines.  A person needs relief from pain.  (Sorry for the length, I must be on a word salad binge.)  

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know what to do about pain meds.  I hate to have to take any meds at all.  I know they have messed me up in so many ways all this time.  They have made the depression worse and tore up my digestion.  Required me to have to use Mirilax that I never needed.  All reminders of how much my life is over.  
 

I'm totally in knots.  Dee brought up bringing Melody home.  It’s something always ion my mind.  Now I am consumed by it.   She think’s having a pet would be good for our mental health and I do agree with that.  Or she thinks we should get a cat.  I don’t like cats.  So that is out for me.  I’m totally not prepared to give Mel to Tommy and Ellen.  Now i have to talk to my counselor, cousin and Tommy.  I told Dee this is going to take a long time for me.  I’ve been so wrapped p in the disability I could keep it at bay. She said it would stop the drinking slips and I find that unfair pressure. Also I know Mel is in a great life.  I can’t use her for either of us.   
 

Need to try and sleep.  See how this affects us day to day.  
 

I'm very angry right now.  😰

 

 

[kayc]

Aww, Gwen, I totally feel for you, very hard decisions to make.  I trust you will make the right one, you've shown me to be a very thinking person, you consider everything carefully.  You deserve people who do the same, both doctors and Dee.
 

Went to the dermatologist for skin cancer removal, he said it'd take up to two months to heal, did a different technique cauterizing, wound under bandage has spread out from under it is red and puffy.  In the time since they did the scraping it didn't even consider healing even with Vaseline on it and keeping it bandaged.  Was a long day, gone 10:00 - 4:30, I thought I could drive but Cindy wanted to go so I paid for her gas and she paid for lunch.  She had errands to run and we got groceries, then she wanted to go to Costco, I didn't need anything there, got eggs, $6 for 2 dozen.  Way higher than Winco is!  Glad to have day over with.  SIL kept calling, she left message after message!  I finally took my phone off the hook, not up to talking 1 1/2 hours after a long day and wasn't about to answer just as I heated my dinner!  I messaged her and she said she didn't want to talk, ha!  Yeah right.  It'd be a first.''  She does it out of boredom and loneliness, no it'll have to be another time.

 

[Gwenivere]

I already know the answer about Melody.  I can’t uproot her from the home she knows now.  I have to face that pain.  Love her too much to uproot her to prove. It.  Have to accept my age and hers (she will start needing vet help probably in a couple years) as she gets older.  Tommy and Ellen are younger to handle a big dog   She has a great, loving home.  I don’t know how Dee will react to my saying no to a cat.  

Spent most of the afternoon trying to order a new cord for my iPad.  Somehow ordered 2.  Took calls that said it had to be done online or with a smartphone  I don’t have.  Stumbling around the site I found  my order and canceled one.  If it doesn’t show in a week I’ll order it again. 

Got a message to make an appointment with oncology.  Have no idea why.  Not doing that.  
 

Dee was acting drunk last night after a walk to the store, when she usually changes if she drinks.  She denies it, we discussed it many times.  She said see you tomorrow which means she won’t help me go to bed.  That’s another tell.  Fortunately I have counseling today.  I replied  to Jinny I really needed it today.  Have no idea what I will wake up to.  I expect no sympathy on this from anyone.

 

[kayc]

You may not expect it but you have mine anyway.

My tongue broke out in inflammation over every single bit of it, clear to the tip, underneath, on the sides, never this bad before.  Four months to go before the ENT appt.  It's been two years in four days, I spent the day holding my mouth open, trying not to let it touch anything but it still hurt.
Got my burn bandaging off just to start dressing the new skin cancer wound, two months of this!  I can't handle this, too much pain, it's continual.  At least I didn't have to use Voltaren on my hands last night.

Deaconess Mtg this morning, party afterwards, HOURS of both, can't picture making the party afterwards.  I want to but honestly I'm not of a mind for gaiety right now even if I did have the hours and it didn't predict snow.

Isn't it something all the time Gwen?  As much as it would be tempting to bring Melody home, it seems the time has passed for that window, IDK, I only know you are speaking from a mom's heart for what is best for Melody, not yourself.  And what if Dee pulled her drinking trick again to leave YOU to take Melody outside, etc.!

After what Panther has done to my patio, cupboard, and rails, I would be inclined to say no to a cat also.  I miss the cats I've had in the past but there's never a guarantee what you'll get with a cat...

[Gwenivere]

You and I have too much pain for a kind of decent day.  I don’t know what doctors expect us to do.  Just live with it?  We do but the mental toll is so high.  My not liking food much is from sitting pain and feeling awful after.  Yours is your tongue.  The result is the same.  Misery.  Plus your hands.  Doctors have no idea how that feels as they don’t feel it.  Let them try it a few days.

Long talk with Dee first thing.  She remembers absolutely nothing.  I didn’t want to get into the details but she wanted to know what she did.  So I relived it.  I hard a hard time sleeping because she kept coming in my room to see if I was OK.  I finally pretended I I was asleep so she would stop.  Talked to my counselor about it and no chance of a cat til she can prove she can stay sober.  I will not be saddled with t(at and slips together.  She has to prove trust first.
 

I’m m still facing letting Mel go to the life she's known for 16 months.  It would be selfish of me  to ruin that.  She is getting older too  and Tommy can lift her if/when needed.  I’m so torn up it brings me to tears.  I didn’t get to say goodbye as there was no reason to at the time.  I feel I’m giving my child away and basically I am.  It’s with the deepest of love but it damn hurts.  My counselor said I have to keep that t in mind . I’m not ready.  I have to take time.  
 

Find out about a shower today.  Might skip it.  Just too overwhelmed. 
 

 

 

 

 

[V. R.]

22 hours ago, kayc said:

You may not expect it but you have mine anyway.

My tongue broke out in inflammation over every single bit of it, clear to the tip, underneath, on the sides, never this bad before.  Four months to go before the ENT appt.  It's been two years in four days, I spent the day holding my mouth open, trying not to let it touch anything but it still hurt.
Got my burn bandaging off just to start dressing the new skin cancer wound, two months of this!  I can't handle this, too much pain, it's continual.  At least I didn't have to use Voltaren on my hands last night.

Deaconess Mtg this morning, party afterwards, HOURS of both, can't picture making the party afterwards.  I want to but honestly I'm not of a mind for gaiety right now even if I did have the hours and it didn't predict snow.

Isn't it something all the time Gwen?  As much as it would be tempting to bring Melody home, it seems the time has passed for that window, IDK, I only know you are speaking from a mom's heart for what is best for Melody, not yourself.  And what if Dee pulled her drinking trick again to leave YOU to take Melody outside, etc.!

After what Panther has done to my patio, cupboard, and rails, I would be inclined to say no to a cat also.  I miss the cats I've had in the past but there's never a guarantee what you'll get with a cat...

Kayc, I'm so sorry you're going through all this pain and discomfort. First your hand burns and now this tongue inflammation. That's all you need!  Disinfectant mouth washes work wonders, but there are so many causes for this condition. A good medical consultation will tell you if it's bacterial or else, prescribing you the correct treatment. I hope you get through all this soon. 

[V. R.]

30 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

You and I have too much pain for a kind of decent day.  I don’t know what doctors expect us to do.  Just live with it?  We do but the mental toll is so high.  My not liking food much is from sitting pain and feeling awful after.  Yours is your tongue.  The result is the same.  Misery.  Plus your hands.  Doctors have no idea how that feels as they don’t feel it.  Let them try it a few days.

Long talk with Dee first thing.  She remembers absolutely nothing.  I didn’t want to get into the details but she wanted to know what she did.  So I relived it.  I hard a hard time sleeping because she kept coming in my room to see if I was OK.  I finally pretended I I was asleep so she would stop.  Talked to my counselor about it and no chance of a cat til she can prove she can stay sober.  I will not be saddled with t(at and slips together.  She has to prove trust first.
 

I’m m still facing letting Mel go to the life she's known for 16 months.  It would be selfish of me  to ruin that.  She is getting older too  and Tommy can lift her if/when needed.  I’m so torn up it brings me to tears.  I didn’t get to say goodbye as there was no reason to at the time.  I feel I’m giving my child away and basically I am.  It’s with the deepest of love but it damn hurts.  My counselor said I have to keep that t in mind . I’m not ready.  I have to take time.  
 

Find out about a shower today.  Might skip it.  Just too overwhelmed. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Gwen, I understand how sad it must be for you to let your dog go, but it seems she is living in a comfortable, loving home, so I'm sure she will be dearly cared for. It would be difficult for you to handle looking after a dog or even a cat (like Kayc rightly says)  all on your own, as judging by what you say, you can't rely on your friend caregiver. 

[kayc]

1 hour ago, V. R. said:

there are so many causes for this condition.

Believe me, I have exhausted them all, allergies, Rxs, OTC, thrush, you name it, I've checked into it, nope, nope and nope.  ENT is my last hope, appt. not until April and that's just for a "meet and greet", scope would be a later appt.  Hoping and praying...candida?  Who knows!  Tried literally everything else.

1 hour ago, V. R. said:

Disinfectant mouth washes work wonders

The pain would kill me, honestly, already hurts like the dickens with the Rx toothpaste, seriously.  Eating, drinking, talking anything hurts.

Gwen, I think you and your therapist are right, Dee is an alcoholic and off the wagon, has been since she's been with you.  If she wants this bad enough, she'd have to prove it a good long while (year?)!

Lack of a shower another day or two won't kill you, just sponge and use deodorant.

Sending positive thoughts your way!

Skin cancer wound killing me now.  Ugh, always something, and hands, oh God, why!!

[Margm]

12 hours ago, kayc said:

ENT is my last hope, appt. not until April and that's just for a "meet and greet", scope would be a later appt.

Do you have any "walk-in/emergency" clinics anywhere in the city closest to you.  In our little city (12,000) they have about three and also the hospital ER, where sometimes there is a wait, sometimes walk right in.  This sounds like the horror I've heard from the free insurance in countries with free medical care.  I still have a family practice clinic in AR that I used for close to 20 years and my doc here in town follows me every four months, whether I want to or not. I know we had a three month wait to see a rheumatologist (not a specialty that a lot of doc's go into).  

Yours certainly sounds like an emergency room/walk-in clinic problem.  Holding your mouth open for three months kind of sounds like foreign countries waiting for that big cruise ship devoted to medical care of countries that do not have medical care.  We have a lot of back-woods things that go one, but having to hold your mouth open for so long is just not right.  I would think that would make more infection likely.  They do make a peroxide mouth wash.  I had something called trench mouth when I was a kid.  Your problems with your hands and mouth are too much pain for something that should be treated and insurance companies should be brought to task for not providing emergency treatment.  

[KarenK]

Kay, can't remember if I've mentioned this before...There is a condition called "Burning Mouth Syndrome". Google it. I have had this for a few years. There is no known cause, cure, or treatment. It comes and goes at will and lasts for a week to ten days. No visible signs of anything, just the burning of my tongue. I rinse my mouth a lot with cold water. It's more of a " grin and bear it" type of thing until it goes away.

Kind of like this stupid double vision problem that I have, only it is getting worse, not going away. I can barely see 3 feet clearly now. Watching tv 20 feet away is a challenge. Guess I'd better call the ophthalmologist after the holidays, although he couldn't figure it out before. It is pretty scary.

Gwen,  if you are not a cat person, don't get a cat! You will find it a poor substitute for Mel. As far as bringing her home or even getting another dog in the future when you can care for it, remember that dogs are very sensitive to strife and tension, especially loud screaming. Not good for you or your animal. Sounds like Dee has a long way to go.

[Gwenivere]

Seattle is shut down except for cars.  Buses not running, not even modified service when it snows.  This is because of ice.  Streets are ice.  I doubt we will have trash, mail and recycle pick up.    Only 10 planes have departed by 1pm.  Ferries not running.  Not many cars and lots of sirens.  Heard a chunk of ice fall off the roof.  My shower is canceled as my aide is stuck on the east side. of our huge lake in the upper city limits.  Don’t know if the car door is unfrozen.  Never seen it so bad.  Finally got the Ford running.  Don’t want a dead battery.  Jumps will take forever when things start to thaw.  

TV is full of Xmas shows.  The channels that don’t are running crap.  I hate the silence.  Dee can’t go for a walk  so she’s restless.  I’m going thru my recorded list and deleting a lot.  Interests change as time passes.  Expect for writing this, facing dinner, it’'s going to be al long night.  Do have a good movie for later.  
 

Woke up after sleeping almost 7 hours without moving.  Turned over for the short time left but couldn’t sleep.  It’s obvious to me that I couldn’t live here without someone like Dee.   My bath aide I truly like, but she’s gone for work at hours I need help more.  She couldn’t be readily here if I called her .  She’s brought up the possibility but I’ve told her this.  
 

Watched another older movie last night.  Not dependent on special effects.  Good plot and dialogue.  Fewer of those now.  Just harder. To find.

Hard to believe it’s Xmas eve, also my mom’s birthday.  We’ve decided Jack in the Box  Xmas night like last year.  Wild living! 💕 to all.
 

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

13 hours ago, KarenK said:

No visible signs of anything, just the burning of my tongue.

This has very visible signs.  Throat/tongue look like thrush but was treated doubly twice for that, it did no good...thrush goes away in 14 days if left untreated.  Also very inflamed tongue glands, those hurt like the dickens!  Raised bumps on tongue, this particular outbreak is the worst I've had.

 

14 hours ago, KarenK said:

"Burning Mouth Syndrome"

I am sorry you suffer with that!  The thought of any kind of mouthwash sends me ten feet under!  Burns like hell when I use my Rx toothpaste (Prevident).  

The pain is easing up a wee bit, this is what it does, it is ALWAYS THERE but sometimes flares up worse.  We all know how stress affects any ailment in our body.  This storm, demands on our time, fighting with companies, etc. it is all stressful.

I have had cats since I was grown, I've learned they are all so different you can't make a blanket statement against them all, some are wonderful, sweet, don't cause any problems, except Gwen can't take care of a cat and I don't picture Dee being consistent enough to do so.  Feral cats are another story, having some regrets as I never dreamed it'd wreak the damage it has on my place, but when you adopt it's for the long haul unless you rehome it...feral cats have a huge mind of their own, they decide for themselves who they belong to and where they live.  This one recognized a sucker...

I had 1/2 cup soup for dinner night before last, last night I had the last mug full, it was so good!  Enjoy your Jack in the Box!  Will have eggs tonight and tomorrow night as "dinner" is at noon today/tomorrow.  Found a good recipe for omelette in a mug, love it!  If anyone is interested:
 

Keto Omelet in a Mug
Use Almond milk or HWC instead of regular milk
Microwave up to 2 min. depending on your microwave and size of eggs.
#recipe
https://freightech.us/easy-meal-ideas-for-truck-drivers/