My Sanity Needed Vents

[Margm]

Well, I was fixing to take it down.  It was just a bunch of us girls/women at the party, but I was feeling no pain and that was the reason for the party.  They wanted me to feel no pain.  My last visit to M.D. Anderson, I wouldn't go back.  Their news was actually bad, Billy wouldn't believe it and I was stunned.  They called  the next week and said all tests were negative.  I would not go back and  followed only   with my doc.  No more treatments.  So, getting drunk was kind of a relief.  I had another, threw up, hugged the commode (glad she was a good housekeeper), came out and said "somebody call Billy" then passed out.  He hauled me out.  They all thought it was funny.  I never told them we got bad news.  Many years later I'm still here, but he isn't. Sometimes life does not play fair.  A good fellow.

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Oh my gawd, Dee!  You not only used that horrid term new normal but made it bold!  *thud*. I so hate that label.

Gwen:  Yeah, you got my message about that label.  Like I stated previously I am amazed how often I hear that term since the covid-19 virus.  The first time I ever heard "New Normal"  was after Bob passed away and I attended a Grief Share Group.  Even back then it was not easy to accept.  And now it is mentioned hourly.

 

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

.I saw the doc today who assesses if you can have surgery.  She passed me.  Now, had she not that would mean I had something too wrong to take the risk.  So another problem.  Yet, it would give me good reason not to have back surgery.  Solves that dilemma.  I’m just a rat in a maze with no exit.

So now you have a heavy decision to make.   The up side like you said is your vitals must be better off than you thought or they would not do the surgery, right?

 

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

NOOooooo.....now she’s picky.  A basket of toys and none will do.

Melody sounds like she wants to be in charge, the little stinker.   I think it is so interesting how these little creatures can manage to get into our hearts.

I find Maddie knows how to work me when it is meal time. I have gone through so many brands and flavors of dog food trying to find something to feed her.  Right now, in the morning, I scramble an egg and dump in the canned dog food.  For dinner I only use egg whites and mix in the canned food she won't eat.  Silly dog will eat that.  I realize her pickiness could be because of her treatments, but I know she has me trained.  So far she hasn't lost but a couple of pounds so I will play her game as long as I can.  The lockdown probably hasn't made much difference in her life cause she and I are home most of the time.  I have begun letting her lay outside my front door.  There is limited activity in my neighborhood  and she doesn't wander off, in fact she has always been good about knowing her boundaries.  I feel guilty I can't walk her anymore cause I know she misses that.  She has a couple of favorite toys and will let me know she wants me to chase her and attempt to take the toy from her.  This lasts for about 3 minutes and I've had it, I have to rest.  

Best thoughts for you and your upcoming decision.  Dee

 

 

[widow'15]

2 hours ago, Marg M said:

Well, I was fixing to take it down.

Marg:  Glad you didn't take the picture down.  It was fun to see how cute you were and having a momentarily good time.  I do love the beautiful red hair.  Dee

[KarenK]

I watched a movie about Barbara Mandrell tonight. Being a "country" fan, I've always liked her music, but had no idea she is so talented. From a young age, she has played the steel guitar, accordion, saxophone,  and banjo, to name a few. She fought her way back from a devastating accident in 1984 that almost destroyed her marriage and family. One talented lady.

I thought sure I was done with tooth pain after the last filling, but for some reason that area is aching really bad. I took 2 Tramadol about 6 pm and they didn't touch the pain. Of course my dentist is closed tomorrow.

I tried watching a porn flick back when we were first married. All it did was embarrass me. Just not my thing, I guess.

[Margm]

Billy wouldn't watch them with me.  (Should I be ashamed)???  If I am, then I'm also ashamed wishing I had hormones and was 60 years younger and that Jason Mamoa was not so in love with his cute little wife.  And no, I would not even think that aloud if Billy was here, but he isn't.  

[Gwenivere]

Everyone has their secret crushes, right?  I remember the first time I saw Tom selleck in Magnum and went WOW!  Wouldn’t kick that guy out of bed for eating crackers!  Steve’s was Teri Garr.  Got hooked on Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow in the pirate movies.  

We watched a few porn movies back in the day.  Didn’t do anything for me but make laugh they were so bad.   I remember going to the red light dustrict in San Francisco and I wanted to see a stripper.   Always got left behind at tech schools as I guess it made the guys uncomfortable. So Steve and I are there and we pass lots of places.  I finally drag him into one and he wants to leave.  Must be a guy thing having a woman with them.  I insisted on stopping in a sex toy store and he was so nervous as I’m loudly saying....look at this!  Look at that!  Even decades into our marriage while he was in car toys he’d have to come find me at the sex shop next door.  I just got a kick out of looking at the crazy stuff. He’d be so anxious to leave.  

So here I am at 64 and still haven’t seen a stripper.  Ah well, I was about their age way back, now I’d just get too depressed.  Just like I wouldn’t dare look at a Playboy now.  Ah, to be young.  

Love your pic Marg.  Very attractive and awesome hair!  I still feel my hormones, just no one to use them with.  ☹️  I heard the song Cowboy Casanova the other day and immediately thought of Steve.  How intense I got addicted to him and it never stopped.  Even the couple times we split up, we couldn’t keep it up for long.  I love the line that says 'his love is like a drug'.  

Guess that explains why I feel in withdrawl every single day.

[KarenK]

So many men.....so little time!  lol  Is the loneliness showing? For me it's Kevin Costner, Patrick Swayzee, and Daniel Day Lewis, but only in "Last Of The Mohicans". That's the first 3 that come to mind. Ron's was  Rene Russo and Xena(can't remember the actress, but I bought him a Xena doll one Xmas).

The stripper thing is funny, Gwen. Never had the guts to go into a sex shop. Went into a topless bar once with my ex, but they threw me out. I was only 17, but it was a real eye opener for naive me. I was 16 when we married and dumber than dirt. He was a sailor and worked part time nights at a gas station in downtown Long Beach. I used to go down there to sit with him and noticed the same women walking past every hour with different men. I asked him what they were doing. When he told me, I was stunned. I didn't even know what a hooker was. We were married for 9 years and I learned the hard way that life was not a fairy tale. I was a little less stupid when I married Ron.

[Margm]

My son was the DJ in a stripper club for so many years.  His DJ voice was so different than his real voice, not a shred of drawl, really not much of one now.  He does not like using the drawl.  He could have gone back to  DJing, but that was where the drugs and drinking started.  He made more money with it.  He kept bringing his work home with him though..  He does not go back to them, not even to visit, and still has many acquaintances from all those years.  That is a reminder of the hell he went through getting off the drugs and alcohol and his poor liver won't take any of that.  He does very well staying away from all that.  He works at the VA now, he is on full time, one of the ones they picked from a program for disabled vets.  Never late, does a good job, gets praise for a job well done, and he likes that better than the death that was awaiting him after the hep-C treatments.  I think sometimes he did it to save himself, but he did it too because he honored his dad too much.  He was going "down town" once after getting off the drugs (and he IV'd them), and Billy  told him "Okay, but don't come back."  He never went, but I suspect he "fell off the wagon" once or twice.  Right now, it is a matter of bad liver killing him if he goes back to any of it.  We have our share of stories.  Billy didn't drink, but did when we separated.  Would make him sick too.  So, none of us drink.........can't.  Wish I could say good morals, but it just made us all sick if we did.  

[kevin]

Early 20"s was when I did all the Strip bars, fast cars ,and trouble(bad choices) drinking could get me into......Once the kids started showing up, life style definitely changed.......Never had any  health impact until my 50's(arthritis, blood disorder, weight)....Well I got some testing yesterday and will talk with Doc Tuesday.......Had snow flurries this morning, what a place.....I got  Halmark channel, well worth the money, and Disney... a pleasant surprise with both.....Great picture Marg

[Margm]

We have the Hallmark and Disney channels.  Brianna loved "Supernatural" so much that she recorded the last season and is hesitant to watch it because she does not want it to end.  This is one I never got interested in.  Loved Longmire and miss it.  Y'all have one filmed in Canada, Canadian actors that we get on Netflix (I think) and it was Billy's favorite.  "Heartland."  He would record it.  I love it too, the surroundings, the mountains, everything is so beautiful.  The story is never too sexual or any bad language.  I love the grandfather on the show and he is really not as old as they make him look.  Kinda hurts to watch it because I wish I was watching it with Billy, it was one of his that he would never miss.  They had us in the states so many years behind, just wanted them all on time.  I mainly watch all the Chicago shows (record) and Blue Bloods.  Brianna has a TV in her room, but likes me to be around and watch also.  I've learned to like other music besides country.  She loves Broadway musicals.  

Kevin, let us know how your tests turned out.  Hate going to doc.  They told me last time I was due blood work and I said "no," and figure I cannot take any other medications and they always want to give something.  Last antidepressant (1 pill) nearly killed me.  They have to remember, I'm no spring chicken anymore.  Won't take anything but the Xanax and some disapprove of that, but as long as my body does not disapprove, I think I need it.  Helps with family's inherited tremor.  Tell us how your doc visit tests results come out.  

[Gin]

Marg,

I watched Longmire and Heartland BECAUSE you recommended them.   Now I watch Highway to Heaven, the Crown and Outlander.  I lost several of my antenna tv channels because the Willis (Sears) tower got flooded and no electricity.  Guess it ended transmissions.  I rely now on Netflix.   Gin

[Margm]

I hope you enjoyed them.  I started out my binge reading with a fellow named Edward Abbey.  They were non-fiction and I think "Desert Solitaire" is a classic by now.  He had just passed away and I fell under his spell to where I could feel myself in the places he wrote about.  When we started RVing, his books were the places I wanted to visit.  Billy loved the "Heartland" series and hated to wait after season end.  Same with Longmire.  Now my favorite is C.J. Box.  He actually has a new series coming out soon on ABC (I think) called "Big Sky" I think.  I have to check on those because I will watch.  Billy loved the mountain man books, but I could not get interested in those.  Knew Billy would have been Jeremiah Johnson  if he could have picked a time to be born into.  I watched that move at least 10 times, we would watch it every winter, and I still have to say, I didn't want to be a mountain man/or woman.  But, try a C.J. Box book.  I think he has about 20, and it is now-days in Wyoming mostly.  Joe Pickett is his character (main one) and he is not a terribly tough fellow (although he won't give up the fight), but he has a friend that I would like to see portrayed.  He appears and disappears as needed.  A former Seal, (or one of the elite service men) and he is tough.  No  bad language (that I remember), and no sex.  Nothing but mystery.  Guess he has to be my favorite author.  The series though is about four books he wrote about a woman private investigator.  I've read them, they are good.  

Oh yes, I read all the Outlander books before Billy left.  There were 8, but think she might have the 9th coming out.  A woman author, she relies on a lot of sex, and I just skip those 25 pages per one pairing, but her shortest book is over 600 pages.  Longest was over 1,000.  She follows along with history on her historic parts, even though her time travel is supernatural, it is written very interesting.  

[kevin]

Gin, I watch Touched by an Angel, Highway, and Murder She wrote....they all put me to sleep...Girl friend watches Gilmour Girls...

[Gwenivere]

18 hours ago, KarenK said:

 For me it's Kevin Costner, Patrick Swayzee, and Daniel Day Lewis, but only in "Last Of The Mohicans".

 I didn't even know what a hooker was.

I forgot about them!   So many great looking guys way back when.  I honestly look at the hot celebrities now and rarely see any appeal.  Swayze was classic to me as he was genuinely a shy, nice guy.  Grew older with Costner.  Only DD Lewis role I found him attractive in too. Tho he is awesome in all his films.  Heard he never breaks character for all of filming.

i gotta laugh about your hooker thing.  I don’t remember when I leaned about them, only the differences between a slut, hooker/prostitute and escort.  See them all the time on a major street close to me.  Obvious as they are meant to be.  Stilettos for a stroll?  Don’t think so.  I just cannot imagine such a life.  I don’t know if I feel for them (I know they’ve become hardened women) or they annoy me. It’s not even my place to judge.  I was pretty loose in my day, but I picked the partner.  No cash either.  😎

i asked Steve about it once, being in the military for a short time.  He said he never paid for it in his life.  Being in a band after certainly gave him many choices. Too many!   

All this talk about authors.  Most of mine are male now.  A couple women like Patricia Cornwell as she is a doctor who writes murder mysteries. Otherwise it’s Sanford, Kelleman and Cobin mostly.  Used to like Patterson but he churned them out so fast it became reflective in the books.  

[kayc]

OMG, Marg, that picture of you is adorable!

Gwen, I agree with Dee, they must think you're okay enough to make it through surgery or they'd advise against it, I guess that's a plus no matter what you decide to do.

4 hours ago, Marg M said:

Kevin, let us know how your tests turned out. 

Yes, that was yesterday, wasn't it?  Hopefully has the results back by now...

I don't think you all missed anything not seeing a stripper, I haven't either but that wouldn't be a way to get my attention...kindness, good values are.

[Margm]

27 minutes ago, kayc said:

I don't think you all missed anything not seeing a stripper

If I could have figured out some way to get around my deacon dad knowing, that was my ambition.  At 17, we had dancers in a cage with semi-clothes on, not naked, during the Whisk-a-go-go music time, high white boots at the classy bars.  (Is there such a thing as a classy bar?)  Yep, that was my ambition.  I could have done it then, but could not go against my dad's reputation.  If I could have gone somewhere that he wouldn't know, but that was not gonna happen.  Then I met Billy, so it sure was not gonna happen.  I did not set real high moral goals, but those cages were kind of high.  I told my kids about it over the years and we were buying a gag gift at Spencer's and teen-age Kelli yelled, "Mama, here are the pasties you wanted" and there I was, middle aged fluffy grandma, and I tried to ignore her but she brought the fringe hanging things over for me to see.  I live in the Bible belt, and I'm sure I got some stupid stares, but what were they doing in there anyhow?  No, I did not aim for teaching, being a nurse, neurosurgeon, or any other high ideals.  About age 28, I started college and it took me that long to get ideals (sense).    

[Gwenivere]

I was hoping for a less stressful day but again it has been absolutely confusing med phone calls for hours.  The only person I wanted to talk too I missed and haven’t been able to get anything but her voicemail.  I’m going to do an escape run soon and hope the pain allows me to do a couple stops and a shower before settling into another lonely night.  My headaches are getting worse daily from all this.  One of the med calls was from a vascular surgeon and I don’t understand why as I haven’t had the test done to see if I need it.  Wouldn’t be surprised if I did, but shouldn’t that come first?  I can hardly eat these days my stomach is in such knots.  The only good thing about the weekend is all these places are closed.  Hoping Monday will be a break too.  Just have to face the dentist Tuesday.  I look at my calendar thru July and just want to burn it.  Appointments and scratched out changes and notes.  The only consistents are counseling and that isn’t helping all that much.  All the docs are in their specialties so I’m just pieces to them.  I tried calling a resident where I volunteer last night and got his voicemail.  Forgot it was movie night tho I thought they were all confined to their rooms.  I’m desperate to talk with regular people or someone in the med mess that can make sense of it.  The call I missed was the nurse who could do that and I still can’t get her live.  Off to another fun filled rest of the day.   

Marg, we would have gotten along great way back when!  Hormones ruled and often morecfun than sense.  Sense lasts when it kicks in.  Being wild was just that.  Truly in the moment.  

[kayc]

I had the fun of trying my doctor's office back yesterday, I was out getting wood or walking Kodie or Joe when they called.  It's a nightmare calling back, wish they'd just leave a message.  After all, I do live alone, who is going to hear it but me?  But they don't think about that.  Seems that could be part of their records along with all the erroneous stuff they keep.

[KarenK]

I finally decided to call my dentist at home yesterday, not realizing it's a holiday weekend. Really hated to do that, but my face decided to swell up. The cavity he filled last was really deep which may have set off an infection. Nice guy that he is, he called back this morning and will call in a script.

I'm watching Season 3 of "The Crown". Never realized there was so much intrigue in the British government. And that Princess Margaret, what a gal! Very entertaining series.

[Gin]

Karen,  I am enjoying the Crown, also.  Sorry about your tooth pain.  Gin

[KarenK]

Gin, another one I enjoyed was "Victoria". I got it at the library so don't know if it's still around on tv, maybe on PBS. Unfortunately, the series wasn't long enough. She was so frightened to have her first child and swore she'd never do it again! She had 9 children.

[Gwenivere]

Hope the antibiotics do it, Karen.  I watched The Crown the first season.  Very well done.  I’m doing a Big ?Little Lies and on my final episode for the first season and don’t thinkbthe 2nd is available yet (being a non streamer).  Also watching Luther as Ildres Elba is so easy on the eyes.

[kayc]

Karen, I hope the antibiotics knock it down quickly...are they going to follow up in a few days to take care of the tooth problem?

[KarenK]

Kay, the tooth was filled about 10 days ago with a medicated filling as a precaution. Evidently it didn't do the trick. I seem to have very fragile teeth(only have 10 left now) and gums and it just got worse after Ron died. Go figure. I've never been a milk drinker and smoking probably doesn't help. The pain got me up after 4 hours of sleep at 6 AM so I took another pain pill and put an ice pack on it. Are we having fun yet?

[Gwenivere]

Have weak teeth myself.  Have lost 2 and so any crowns and fillings.  Lots of cracking and chipping going on since the pabademic it seems.  Only stopped smoking 18 months ago.  But using the lozenges my be contributing.  We also come from a generation that didn’t have the stuff they have now.  Plus the non smoking shift.  Lots of people don’t even know what a mere filling is. I don’t understand the whitening thing.  I was happy with my smile way back when.  It sure sounds like you got a bad infection going, Karen.  They say 48 hours for antibiotics so I hope you’ll call if it continues.