My Sanity Needed Vents

[Kieron]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Depression and grief complicate physical maladies.

They sure do.  I noticed it in my physical body, and doubtless will do so, again.

[Margm]

2 hours ago, Kieron said:

I think the saying evolved to knock on wood to avoid jinxing oneself or having bad luck.

I think that would be a class I might like to study, comparative mythology" although I used to live by fairies, monsters, etc.  This is not a joke.  I would have a recurring nightmare (not every night, but often,) and would wake up frightened.  I did have psychotherapy for 15 years and never thought to mention this oddity.  Maybe because I sort of liked it.  Our bed was one of the old iron beds with a bottom that had a metal rail on it, smooth brown, rounded.  At night I would wake up and various creatures would haunt my dreams.  Yes, werewolves, vampires, witches, etc.  This happened often until Scott was about four, sleeping between us.  The lights from the highway would bounce off our windows in the little subdivision that Billy's uncle built us a little house, the main road did not lead directly into the little enclave.  Billy's uncle and cousins lived in the other houses on the outskirts of Longview, TX.  Closer to White Oak, TX.  Mind you, Billy had soothed me from my nightmares and did not make fun of me.  Then one night, I woke with the lights shining through the big window at the foot of our bed and woke Billy telling him I saw three little green men at the foot of our bed. (Leprechauns, I guess).  He jumped up and said "wait a minute, I see four of them" and ran to the tool closet and came out with a "crowbar."  By this time we both had woke up (He had joined in my nightmare, unconsciously).  I had realized it was "one of my nightmares" and he  had too and he was so embarrassed.  But, that one fear of his joining in cured me of the nightmares forever.  I don't know why I had them, too many fairy tales when I was more of a child than I was at that moment in time.  Told it to my dad who had one of those infectious laughs that you had to laugh  until you cried, just because he could not quit laughing.  He did the same thing telling about Billy falling out of the boat when they were fishing once.  I miss those two men often.  

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Wish I was a bear for the next few months.  🐻

Me too, Gwen, I'd like to hibernate through the winter!

Marg, I agree wholeheartedly that ours is "situational" and not much can be done about it, if I have a lack of zeal right now it's missing George, it's growing old with all the aches and pains and can't do what I used to, it's winter on the horizon, it's hardship and struggle.  I try hard to combat it but something always comes looming in...

Still waiting on the bid on replacing the back of the garage, he showed up yesterday to measure, etc.  Wants me to clear out the back of the garage, didn't mention the storage room.  Don't see why he can't work from outside instead of inside.  No way can I do this right now, if ever.  My left hand is hurting  badly now, probably from compensating for my right one.  Soaking my hand in Epsom salts does seem to help more than the ice.  Will take time I guess.  The longer I live, the less accolade I have for doctors.  Seems to me everything I learn is different from what they say.

3 hours ago, Kieron said:

If I remember right, before cutting a tree for wood fuel or lumber, it was customary to knock on the tree to wake up the spirit and let it have time to leave and go to another tree, so that cutting the tree wouldn't injure the spirit somehow.  I took a class in comparative mythology and learned that there are a lot of beliefs, folk customs, superstitions etc about trees and the natural world in general.  I think the saying evolved to knock on wood to avoid jinxing oneself or having bad luck.

Interesting!  I remember reading a book by a German author about trees being there for each other, connected, it was interesting, made me look at them differently.  I think this was it: https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Life-Trees-Communicate_Discoveries-Secret/dp/1771642483

[nashreed]

The onset of December has really hit me hard. My birthday, her birthday, our anniversary... I want to crawl under the house and die. I'm so lost not having to take her to appointments and take care of her prescriptions. I kinda hated it at the time, but would give anything to be able to do it now. 

[Gwenivere]

7 hours ago, Kieron said:

it was customary to knock on the tree to wake up the spirit and let it have time to leave and go to another tree, so that cutting the tree wouldn't injure the spirit somehow. 

That’s fascinating.  I didn’t know the origin, but I sure know the practice.  Still do it as it was always done in my childhood and a good reason to use if forgotten and things went south.  Now, threes another one...things going south.  That looks bad for our southern people.  I wonder f that relates to the civil war?  Hmmmmmm.......  I used to believe in fairies until death came into my life.  Wish they did exist.  I still have a plaque in my once flourishing garden that says.....don’t piss off the fairies.  🙂

 

[Margm]

Y'all, I paid my rent.  Sometimes I just put it in the slot provided by check and sometimes I go in and talk to "her."  I moved in here November of last year.  Her first husband had passed away three years before but she was getting remarried soon, not sure date.  She is about my kids age. Found out today he passed away of cancer in August.  They found out about eight weeks before it happened like we found out about Billy's about six weeks.  I told her my heart was with her, but no words would help, I was just so sorry.  I wonder (my close friend's 2nd husband lasted about 12-14 years,) her taking care of him all the time, heart attack on wedding night.  First husband was Billy's friend, she had two girls that call me "aunt" and my kids call her "Aunt" also.  We are that close.  Her heart had to be operated on, a new valve and then one thing and then another, then a "slight" stroke.  She took care of everyone but herself.  I know she gets the two husbands mixed up when speaking of them, does that mean she grieves twice as hard.  I don't know.  She is still sounding okay anyhow.    I guess I could say she is in good shape for the shape she is in.  

And there are always going to be "days" and then more days and more days.  Then sometimes you will have a look back into the past, actually thinking you'd never thought of things.  And you hadn't, and some things just need to stay forgotten and only good things remembered.  Won't happen, but it would be nice if you could self-hypnotize yourself.  

[Gwenivere]

I like the self hypnotizing idea.  There are a lot of things I’d like to disarm triggers of.  Or on a particularly bad day, put myself someplace else.  I have a feeling I’d be doing that a lot.  Maybe staying there too.

looked up 'going south'.  Indians (native) used it to describe death.  The accepted change was a failure.  Like 'he was gambling then everything went south and he lost a fortune'.  Both fit when if I say losing Steve made my life go south.

 

[kayc]

Marg, last night on Inside edition they showed a segment on the couple that died...within SECONDS of each other!  Amazing.  

[Margm]

My friends (anniversary party) died within a couple of days of each other.  Another set of friends also within days of each other.  Another acquaintance upon going to the "viewing" passed away in front of her husband's casket.  Sounds gory, but all I can think of is the other one did not suffer grief long, if the other ones were conscious.  Johnny Cash did not linger around after June Carter passed either, but I can only imagine the pain in those few days.  We look at it with horror, and then a sense of relief for both of them in each case.  The woman at the electricity office where I had my temp checked before I paid my bill, her with gloves on, she had her plexiglass cover.  I admire people for not taking chances.  She was an essential worker, and this is our only defense.  

[Gwenivere]

14 hours ago, Marg M said:

We look at it with horror, and then a sense of relief for both of them in each case.

How many of us have said we wished we could have gone together?  Just about everyone left behind feels a huge loss of purpose now. Essential purpose, beyond jobs that pay the bills.  The closest I found was volunteering.  We’ve found that life essentials are not enough.  Yes, we need them, food, water, shelter.  But what gives life meaning can’t be bought or substituted.  I sit here another night with my emptiness companion.  I’ll wake up with it.  It’s a given.  It has truly become a reverse world for me.  What was sweet is now sour.  Fresh now leftover.  Bright now dark.  Warm now cold.  The biggest burn is that what I want to do that eased some of this I can’t.  Involvement with people or dogs.  One physically locked out because of the virus, both because of my body.  I can’t even give my caring away now.  The reason I did that for 25 years is for the rewards of feeling you made a difference and surprisingly found out you got so much in return.  I made a difference in Steve’s life.  He in mine.  If I had to be left here, I’m so sad those options now elude me.  I love him more every day and I could find solace in that because of purpose.  Now I don’t even know what day it is without thinking about it.  Times just a blur ticking by.  Slowly.  With him there wasn’t enough.  I feel these maladies I fight and wish they had taken me years ago.  I don’t want to grow old and more dependent alone.  I’m tired of being 65 but having the wants of me 20 years ago. Even 11 when this nightmare began.  Such simple things too. A laugh, genuine smile, contentment, happiness and even sadness, but shared.  I’ve wandered way off here, but that is me now.  

I’m supposed to have my teeth cleaned next week.  Don’t think my back will let me without high cost.  If at all.  Want to get my hair trimmed again, can’t have it washed tho from my neck.  Went shopping today and felt more relief than satisfaction that my legs didn’t give out so was afraid the whole time.  Having to decide how to sleep to be able to function tomorrow.  This isn’t living.  It’s not even surviving.  I don’t know what it is except I don’t want to do it.  Bedtime comes and I don’t know what a 'good night' is.  Just like I get told have a good/day night from cashiers and people on the phone.  Don’t have a clue what that is anymore.  Not without him.

[kayc]

I went in for teeth cleaning, cost over $300 and nothing was wrong!  The dentist also looked at them & x-rays.  II felt they were trying to find something wrong as if to drum up more business!  Most expensive "routine" teeth cleaning I ever had and took two hours!  This right after having my surgery the week before.

Tried to start up my new generator, nothing.  Charged the battery for 30 hours, nothing.  NOT looking forward to dealing with this today!  Can't return it, bought at Home Depot on line and they say NOT to return to the store.  The "shipper" on the Reddaway slip I've never heard of, must have been drop shipped from another vendor, no phone number listed.  Ugh.  $900 for nothing!  Can't have the neighbor keep setting them up anyway with his bad back!  Why do things keep happening to me!  I want my husband back!  Not having fun this month.

Still waiting to hear from the contractor on the quote for my garage...

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

How many of us have said we wished we could have gone together?

Uh-huh!

[Gwenivere]

It’s challenge after challenge, Kay.  Friday was tough with docs (again), oxygen delivery, pain, another med experiment change I’m scared of because things do SO well for me.  I was very disappointed in the neurosurgeons nurse telling me there was nothing they could do to help me beyond saying don’t do things that hurt.  Okayyyyyyyyy, so I just sit when I’m not sleeping, if I can sleep from the cramps.  I was more disappointed she didn’t feel this was worthy to pass along to the actual doc or a PA.  To add to it, she wanted off the phone because it was 5 minutes past her getting off.  Gee, I’m so sorry my compromised life kept you a little later to walking out without pain!

i already know my DW repair will be complicated tomorrow as they don't make my brand anymore.  I see massive dollar signs.  Then it’s getting Melody shots and nails trimmed.  Maybe I’ll feel able to take her to our vet and not have to pay an in home one.  Ha! Yeah.  Dreaming in that one.

on the plus side, my housekeeper brought me flowers and dark chocolate for my birthday last week.  She’s such a sweetheart.  I’m so used to being the giver I’m learning to accept acts of kindness.  I had to where I volunteered as the residents would give me little things like a cookie they saved from lunch for me.  I have some gorgeous flowers in my living room now plus a clean house.  

Pickd up an RX and the cost was really high with the Medicare switch and new supplement.  Now I have to email my rep about what us going on.  I hope it’s just a deductible I have to reach.  Otherwise this is going to turn my finances upside down.  Too late to change now.   They only paid a third of the cost.  Although I will save hundreds on my membership, this kinda stuff will eat the fast.  I haven’t even gotten a bill for the several office visits.  

I’m so tired of change.  I just want some time in the world I had to create without Steve without a daily fire or crisis.  Just normal day to day stuff.   I wanted to catch the world news and had set the TV on the wrong channel going to bed last night.  Switched to another local station that had it and Direct TV is in a negotiation so I couldn’t get a local major network.  Ok, that is day to day, but so annoyed me.  I could see if it were a cable channel, but NBC?  Come on!  

[kayc]

I understand, my medical copays have been going up every year to where it's very different than it started out to be.  I'm sure it's due to their paying out more for people but when you're doing your best and get slammed all the time it gets old, be it dishwasher, medical costs, rotting garages, whatever we're dealing with.  One thing I don't regret is adopting Kodie, he's everything right now, the sweetest little guy in the world!  Even if he does pull on walks.  I adore his energy, wish I had some of that zeal!

Even things like t.v. stations changing can feel unsettling.  Does nothing stay the same anymore?  I have Dish and something flashed across the screen about Hulu changing for CBS.  IDK what's going on, just turned it off.  Whatever.  I'll watch it or I won't. Just want my hands to quit hurting.  They sent me a notice in my email so I went to their portal, everything she wrote that she told me...she did NOT!  I was told "no recovery time" and now they say six weeks!  Everyone else said two.  My sister said hers was two days now changed to five.  I don't know how many times I've explained to her that I don't just have carpal tunnel, I also have arthritis and bone damage from a dog bite and damage from the dermatologist' core sample in my hands so carpal tunnel surgery will only help SOME of the problem, it won't ever be great.  And that my nerve damage on both hands was deemed severe while I can't speak for my sister's.  She was young enough it likely never progressed to severe.  And her memory could be faulty, it often is.  

[Gwenivere]

I’ve hit another wall and my internal resources are at their lowest so far.  My spinal stenosis has gotten so bad I can barely tolerate it.  It was heading that way as it was.  I did the dutiful thing and got my doc involved for pain management, I.e. pills.  That is all he can do.  I’ve tried connecting with the neurosurgeon or his PA twice.  The nurse barrier has shut me down both times saying no surgeries til February (I get that with the pandemic), but reluctantly convey my desire to speak to the PA about how to survive with this until then.  I honestly want to wring her neck.  I don’t trust her to pass along an accurate message.  I don’t understand why SHE is telling me there is no need to schedule an appointment.  I don’t think it’s unusual to have to check back in if things are worse.  She kept saying he’s with patients.  I didn’t expect an appointment today.  I want to schedule one!  In desperation I called my doc to see if he could contact him as this is a team effort right now.  Was told that is not how it works and he may decline.  ???  I don’t understand why I can’t talk to a doctor.  What’s the point of saying contact your doctor if you have concerns?  

I’m also having weird side effects from a med change but do have an appointment Monday I can bring that up. But I don’t know if I can take them over the weekend.  They kept waking me up all last night.  Sent my anxiety into overdrive.  Going back to the old one means the side effects of that one that caused a switch.

i feel so abandoned.  I’m hobbling around not knowing if I’ll possibly fall or pass out from meds, pain or my legs will give out.  I’m not usually one to call in tears, but I did to both and it didn’t matter.  I felt I was dealing with machines more than caring medical caregivers.  I don’t feel like I matter til I’m on the money clock.

cant even think ER.  nothing they could do plus people are stacked in ambulances waiting to get seen.  Can’t even get a hold of my counselor.  The only successful call I made was to Netflix.  That’s a sad commentary.  They actually cared about a problem.

[nashreed]

Oh, Gwen. I wish I could take your pain away, like I wished I could take Annette's pain away. I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I spent so much time advocating for Annette- the monthly "opioid chase", comforting her when she was at a "10". I know what it's like. Please know that I care and I hope for the best.

At this time of year, you're supposed to "count your blessings". I'm miserable and lonely, but I'm not in pain. I hate the neighbors where I live, but I have someplace to live. I could easily be one of the homeless people I see laying in the street if I didn't have family. I only get disability, which in California, doesn't go very far. 

[kayc]

Nashreed, I have had many disabled friends, very low income, who were making it on their own, with housing assistance, elec. assistance, food stamp cards, Ridesource, etc.  But that is HERE, I can't speak other than for OR.  It can take up to two years to get anywhere on the housing list.  But a friend of mine applied for and got in within a couple of months!  All luck of the draw and Lord willing!

Gwen, I'm so sorry.  I have never gotten to speak to my doctor on the phone.  The one I had before her for over 30 years I could, but not her, and II'm afraid that is our current day, it sucks.  I do not like her assistant as she screws up everything!  I've tried to talk to my doctor about it, years ago, but she's loyal to her employees and doesn't realize or see what they put us through.  Yes things definitely get lost in the relay.  Very annoying!  It's cost me before.  But in your situation this could be life/death matter!  I wish I could offer more than sympathy, but I truly am sympathetic to your plight.  Praying for you, for your sleep, everything!  

[Gwenivere]

Every day I sit assessing how messed up life is becoming.  Got a letter today from insurance laying out the hoops to go thru for the new thyroid med.  my doc has to call them and state why I need it.  Have to have him do that for my antidepressant, but that’s another department.  I have this silly fantasy that docs should be able to prescribe what they feel is needed as they know the patient.  Formularies be damned.  It’s a legitimate med.  hundreds of thousands of people take it.  But each company can set up road blocks wherever they want.  So we do the footwork or give up.  I haven’t figured out how to fight these battles when I struggle to get thru a day of pain just doing household and personal musts.  

The insurance company is letting me have one month of the med and then it must be appealed.  This was what was in my mail I hobbled out to get.   That and a bill for the lab.  

I was unusually comfy in bed this morning.  So hard to leave that.  I had a fleeting illusion of Steve kissing me on the cheek.  Thought it might mean I’d get a break today.  Of course everything is closed so I can’t get the ball rolling and out of my wheelhouse.  So I sit here.  Powerless.  Not that I want to have to do more legwork, but I hate this feeling.  Maybe it would help to vent to reps.  

I try and clear out these messy tasks, but now I have a letter to leave on the table to address Monday.  I’m just sitting here killing time til getting a meal at the community center and hopes I can survive a shower when I get home.  I looked at my to do list and it’s really bare.  I could try and call a someone I haven’t been able to connect with.  Just don’t have much to say.  I’m too wrapped up in this so would talk about that.  They are in a covid ward at the nursing home.  Not exactly the distracting settings to escape and get some much needed relief.   

Guess I will email my doc the info.  Don’t want to waste time in my 20 minute visit Monday on it. 20:minutes.  So little time when your medical world is crashing.

[nashreed]

Not even a dang Christmas card to open? Sorry. Are you expecting anything this year?

I will be glad when next year my medications are being mailed, supposedly. It is so triggering to go to Walgreens. So many things that Annette used and needed that I start thinking that I need to get something for her and then I realize that I don't and then I just have to get out of there. Add in Christmas music playing and it's a panic attack waiting to happen.

[Gwenivere]

I’ve gotten 3 Xmas cards.  I don’t send them anymore.  I’d like to but my conditions are too draining to whip up any desire.  I used to love to as it was cool to have that old tradition.  Don’t get close to what we did years ago.  I think the ones I’ve gotten are from people that have so much time to kill in this lockdown.  Used to alway send Santa/puppy cards, have to get the holiday stamps, signed in gold ink.  Would make an afternoon of it.

does your Walgreens have a drive thru?  I’m using one that costs me more. For some reason other Walgreens are ok but not this on for copays.  Makes no sense.  I try walk-in in there at times but it hurts if there is a line.  Sitting in my car isn’t great either.  Makes it worse when I do have to get out and inside my house.

Have you thought about getting a tranquilizer from your doc for these trying times?  It’s not unusual they are needed.  Just a thought,  I take them daily for years, but I have a panic disorder.  Even without that, I’d need something for the stress.  You have to face their possibly getting all up in arms.  Frigging abusers have made it hard for those really needing help to get it. 

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I was unusually comfy in bed this morning.  So hard to leave that.

Gwen:  Funny you would say this cause this was how I woke this morning, feeling comfortable and cozy.  Although, it wasn't after a lovely dream as you experiencing a kiss on the cheek.  I was thinking I need to get up and moving since I was supposed to drive out to my son's house today since the weather was agreeable.  After putting on my glasses and seeing the time, I knew the day was pretty well over for such a long day plus once standing in an upright position, every joint in my body screamed with pain.  After letting my son know the visit was off I began the morning ritual of waking up with coffee, breakfast and a feeling of despair and depression washed over me cause the day was turning out to be a beautiful day and I couldn't take advantage of it.  As I finally got dressed I thought I heard my doorbell ring.  No one ever rings the doorbell anymore without letting me know first.  By the time I got to my front door there was no one there.  Sadly, laying in my entryway was a beautiful Thrush that had evidently crashed into one my tall front windows.  I started crying, shut the door and prayed, God, please let it be stunned and will fly away.  The Thrush was one of my husband's favorite birds and each time I see one in my yard I want to believe it is him letting me know he is still watching over me.   Just now as I went out to get mail, it was still laying there.  I gingerly picked it up, crying and moved it away until I can get the strength to find my shovel and bury it, asking why did it have to be a Thrush.  This would have been done already if Bob were here.  He was always my rescuer.

I think about mailing Christmas cards but haven't had the follow through yet.  I have received only two and will be surprised if there are anymore.  Some in my generation have passed away or many just use Facebook to share Greetings no matter the season. 

11 hours ago, kayc said:

I wish I could offer more than sympathy, but I truly am sympathetic to your plight.  Praying for you, for your sleep, everything! 

I, too, wish I could do more for you and am sympathetic to your plight.  Take care, Dee.

 

[nashreed]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’ve gotten 3 Xmas cards.  I don’t send them anymore.  I’d like to but my conditions are too draining to whip up any desire.  I used to love to as it was cool to have that old tradition.  Don’t get close to what we did years ago.  I think the ones I’ve gotten are from people that have so much time to kill in this lockdown.  Used to alway send Santa/puppy cards, have to get the holiday stamps, signed in gold ink.  Would make an afternoon of it.

does your Walgreens have a drive thru?  I’m using one that costs me more. For some reason other Walgreens are ok but not this on for copays.  Makes no sense.  I try walk-in in there at times but it hurts if there is a line.  Sitting in my car isn’t great either.  Makes it worse when I do have to get out and inside my house.

Have you thought about getting a tranquilizer from your doc for these trying times?  It’s not unusual they are needed.  Just a thought,  I take them daily for years, but I have a panic disorder.  Even without that, I’d need something for the stress.  You have to face their possibly getting all up in arms.  Frigging abusers have made it hard for those really needing help to get it. 

I take Xanax, but a very low dose. When I was Annette's caregiver, I found that if I was on too high a dose, I would be too "relaxed" where I was afraid I wouldn't wake up or be alert enough to be there for her. Ironic how that turned out

I thought every Walgreens had a drive thru but I think it's awkward. It's okay for fast food... I don't know. I'm weird. 

[Gwenivere]

I’m so sorry you had such a horrible day, Dee.  I truly understand about the pain, but finding that bird would have had me in tears too.  Haven't had to deal with that in a long time.  I never buried animals but felt awkward about disposing of them.  Right after Steve died I had an injured crow stuck in the yard and fortunately a niece and nephew were in town and took it to a shelter.  

It sounds like the changes coming are hitting you hard about the move and I wonder if memories of Bob are going to get more frequent.  This is a massive upheaval in your life.  Being in pain only makes it worse.  Actually, I think they feed off each other.  

Holidays and this darkness don’t help.  Now we are facing rain for the foreseeable week.  I used to not mind rain that much being tucked in here with Steve and the furry kids.  It felt cozy.  Now it’s depressing.  

Thinking of you.  💖

[KarenK]

Gwen, I thought you and the person who was helping you choose your plan had already checked out your medicine coverage and everything was covered. I know that was a major factor in choosing your plan. Did they already start changing stuff on you?

I'm sorry you had such a crappy day, and you too, Dee. I remember birds flying into my daughter's floor to ceiling windows(about 20 ft.) living out in the country. A new thing for me.

I had an interesting but tiring afternoon and evening. Nice though as I got to spend time with my son. We put about 100 miles on the truck driving all over the valley looking for a specific gaming system he wanted to get for his son for Xmas. He thought he'd just be able to run into our nearby Walmart and pick one up. Not so. Shelves were completely empty in several Walmart, Best Buy, Game Stop, and Target. About the 4th Target we hit, we finally found 4 in stock. Our other goal was to get a tree. Used to be tree lots all up and down the major streets. Not this year. In all that driving, didn't see a single one. Found a few dried out, crummy looking trees at a couple of Home Depots. Fortunately, the Lowe's right by the house had some nice ones. I'm partial to Grand Fir's. None available this year so we settled for a Noble Fir. Not the biggest tree, but still pretty after Robert got it decorated. I still have so much stuff, I could decorate 5 trees.  lol  Tatum must think she's a Xmas present. She's laying on the tree skirt as close to under the tree as she can get.

[Gwenivere]

Turns out the insurance rep didn’t know about some weird rules on meds. She actually did well explaining what she did know and I’ve talked to Washington's neutral brokers.  There are plans which would provide no copays, but very expensive.  And this one med that is causing problems would with other companies.  My next challenge will be getting another med approved as brand opposed to generic at a lower price.  That I’m used to.  

Very cool you found a tree.  Decorated too!  I’m guessing your wiped out from such a long day hunting for the gaming system.  I haven’t seen any Xmas tree lots here either.  Guess the big chains have that locked up this year.  I’ve seen some really pretty lights in the late afternoon here.   We get dark at 4:15.  Miss coming home to that and a tree at our house.  Could definitely do a couple trees with our stuff.  

Me?  I just want it all over.  I hope other people find some joy despite what a horrid year it has been.   I really wish I had switched to streaming as so many channels are Xmas stuff.  Miss enjoying getting into our traditions.  This will be my 7th waking Xmas eve and waking the morning alone.  Just another 2 days to fill, but with a very heavy heart.  It’s little things I’ll really miss.  Our candle angel chimes and the lights out while watching A Christmas Carol and opening a nice bottle of wine to have in our crystal glasses.  Waking up and saying merry Christmas, babe.  😰

[KarenK]

Wish we lived in Star Trek land and I could beam you and Mel here with us. Would be chaotic but you definitely wouldn't be lonely.