If You're Going Through Hell

[scba]

Peace today, Mitch.

Ana

[KarenK]

Also wishing you peace and good health on your birthday and every day, MItch.

Karen

[Cookie]

On ‎03‎/‎03‎/‎2018 at 1:42 PM, scba said:

I strongly advice yoga practise. I am not the yoga type of person (fitness, flexible, vegetarian, philosophical). But you don't need to be any of that to start. My job is a desk computer type. My neck was hurting and after a while it didn't hurt, because it was already contracted and damaged. My wrists and low back were in pain too. Headaches started, no pills were enough. Against my will and with a dose of sckepticism, I went to yoga. I felt the results a year later. My neck is doing better and when it doesnt, my body sends an alarm right away to get me back on track. With yoga, and surely with any excersice, you realise how bad you were before. And about grief, with yoga you have to learn to stay focused on what you are doing, and for an hour your thoughts are somewhere else.

 

 

 

Amen to that scba....yoga is just about the only time I can escape pain; takes me right out of where I'm at and balances me for a while.  I highly recommend it.....Cookie

[Margm]

4 hours ago, Cookie said:

I strongly advice yoga practice

Cookie, that might be the best suggestion I have heard yet.  I know my dad was where my kids inherited their bipolar.  Back then we did not know stuff like that, but my dad when he had a problem, he did everything he could to overcome it.  He had the essential/congenital tremor like I do.  He did not let it stop him.  He led singing every time the doors opened and we had to sing, and we were Missionary Baptist, if Fannie Crosby wrote it, we sang it and he did not show any shaking because his hands and song book went with the beat of the music.  In later years, (he only lived to 65), he practiced yoga "religiously."  He had to do something.  He lived with Mama, me and my sister, and I'm sure he had a lot to overcome........again, he lived with Mama.  I saw how he conquered his emotions.  My mom was a fighter.  She grew up fighting brothers and sisters.  I saw her one time slap Daddy three times.  I saw then, and understood, how Daddy overcame his anger.  He put his fists in his pockets (khaki's), turned around, walked away whistling.  Used to puzzle me.  My dad was a gentleman.  He did not ever hit a woman, and that is why his hands were in his pockets.  But, the yoga calmed him.  He didn't even care if Mama made fun of it.  He had a book and he followed it.

I'm proud of you Cookie.  We each have to live, and in so living, we have to conquer fear and sometimes just cry with grief when it lays on us hard, but we get back up and do it all over again.  I think yoga would help all these darn aches and pains I have........and not eating so much too.  I think sometimes I feed my grief and when I do that, it hurts my legs.  Reading Dana Stabenow's last book (for now). I am caught up with C.J. Box.  Not going to read Margaret Coel's last book (her 20th) on the Wind River mysteries. She said she was not going to write any more of them. I hate reading last books.  I read the last book of Aimee and David Thurlo's on character Ella Clah.  I grieved cause Aimee had passed away.  Enough finales in our life.  

ADDENDUM:  Ana, so it was you and Cookie both who do yoga.  Double reason to try it.  

 

[MartyT]

You might be interested in a book by friend and colleague Karla Helbert, Yoga for Grief and Loss

The book was reviewed in a post yesterday by Colleen Ferguson on the Seven Ponds Blog, here: Book Review: "Yoga for Grief and Loss" by Karla Helbert

[Margm]

It's on Kindle.  I have 10 inch Kindle.  It got all five stars, must be pretty good.

I read the review.  Sounds honest and straightforward.  

[Gwenivere]

This is when I get frustrated having a back that limits me from such things as yoga.  I’ve heard about yoga for disabled people, but even what I have found is not compatible with my spine.  I’d never thought I’d see the day i would be qualified for a handicap placard which I just got.  Luckily I can still vacuum having the furry kids, but walking or trying to lay down kills me.   I have to keep reminding myself I am 62 because I feel so much younger in my mind.  Well, my body reminds me.  Luck of the genetic draw.  I see people my age and older doing the simplest things like taking a walk or doing yard work.  Hard to stave off the depression it brings.  I’m cancelling PT this coming week because it always makes feel worse.  So another place for a viscous cycle.  Depression causes stress and vice versa.  

[kayc]

I haven't tried Yoga, it seems all the classes are at night when I can't drive.  I also worry about being able to physically do it.  But I do meditation and that helps me tremendously.  

 

[Margm]

Kay, I also am afraid my body won't cooperate, but I am not a "joiner" and will probably watch it on a DVD, which I probably threw away 2-3  when I moved, but will have to order another.  My hip bones were riddled with the radiation and I am probably lucky to be walking, but my feeding my grief with calories is going to work against me.  I think they have it for all kinds, shapes, and conditions, even wheelchair yoga.  It is just conscious movement.  I listen to meditation also and that wax that surrounds my brain must keep the subliminal part from reaching my brain.  I fall asleep about as soon as I take the breathing exercises.  

I did look at the DVD's offered.  Free will, personal choice.  Like I said, I am not a joiner, I would not go to classes. 

I admire Al Roker and know he has had the stomach surgery to help lose weight.  My friend had it and then had to have a liver replacement, and then didn't make it, so I admire people who try things to help themselves.  It does not work sometimes and sometimes it has embarrassing or disastrous results.  I think Al Roker soiled himself on TV one time, but still he came back from it.  He still is on TV.  I admire people like that.  Don't know if I could.  I have not  had that surgery, but like to stay close to my bathroom.  My TV screen is not far from my bathroom.

[Cookie]

17 hours ago, Marg M said:

Cookie, that might be the best suggestion I have heard yet.  I know my dad was where my kids inherited their bipolar.  Back then we did not know stuff like that, but my dad when he had a problem, he did everything he could to overcome it.  He had the essential/congenital tremor like I do.  He did not let it stop him.  He led singing every time the doors opened and we had to sing, and we were Missionary Baptist, if Fannie Crosby wrote it, we sang it and he did not show any shaking because his hands and song book went with the beat of the music.  In later years, (he only lived to 65), he practiced yoga "religiously."  He had to do something.  He lived with Mama, me and my sister, and I'm sure he had a lot to overcome........again, he lived with Mama.  I saw how he conquered his emotions.  My mom was a fighter.  She grew up fighting brothers and sisters.  I saw her one time slap Daddy three times.  I saw then, and understood, how Daddy overcame his anger.  He put his fists in his pockets (khaki's), turned around, walked away whistling.  Used to puzzle me.  My dad was a gentleman.  He did not ever hit a woman, and that is why his hands were in his pockets.  But, the yoga calmed him.  He didn't even care if Mama made fun of it.  He had a book and he followed it.

I'm proud of you Cookie.  We each have to live, and in so living, we have to conquer fear and sometimes just cry with grief when it lays on us hard, but we get back up and do it all over again.  I think yoga would help all these darn aches and pains I have........and not eating so much too.  I think sometimes I feed my grief and when I do that, it hurts my legs.  Reading Dana Stabenow's last book (for now). I am caught up with C.J. Box.  Not going to read Margaret Coel's last book (her 20th) on the Wind River mysteries. She said she was not going to write any more of them. I hate reading last books.  I read the last book of Aimee and David Thurlo's on character Ella Clah.  I grieved cause Aimee had passed away.  Enough finales in our life.  

ADDENDUM:  Ana, so it was you and Cookie both who do yoga.  Double reason to try it.  

 

Please do try it if you can....you can even do gentle chair yoga.  I had a yoga teacher once tell me that you can do yoga on your deathbed.  I had an amazing experience just last week after a yoga class.  We were all in relaxation pose and all of a sudden I "came to," meaning I had gone somewhere so peaceful, wonderful and full of love.....later when I reflected on it, it felt like John and all that is.  I know that sounds strange, but that is how it came to my mind.  Then I thought, God, I want to go there now.  I had the feeling it was that place we go when we die, and I am not a hardcore believer in anything.....I've never had that happen before.  I always feel peaceful after yoga, but this was something else.  I have been having a hard time again.  The 3-year anniversary of John's death is coming up June 13th, and the pain is cycling around pretty intensely.  Maybe John was trying to bring me comfort.  That is what I would like to believe.  I told this story because it's true that yoga, any kind, gentle, aggressive, whatever, does bring you peace and balance, even for a little while.  That's worth something!  I'm impressed by your dad.....Hey, have to tell you I've discovered the Outlander series and books.  What a fantasy, a sexy, wonderful fantasy.  I've been using those for escape these days.  Hugs to you Marg and all....Cookie

[Cookie]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I haven't tried Yoga, it seems all the classes are at night when I can't drive.  I also worry about being able to physically do it.  But I do meditation and that helps me tremendously.  

 

Kayc:  Anyone can do yoga...trust me.  If I could, I would send you some great gentle yoga videos.  Try looking at ones by Patricia Walden, Rodney Yee, etc.  There is gentle chair yoga.  I started yoga due to a serious back injury 28 years ago.  I went to Bikram's yoga in LA...very hot room with lots of humidity.  I couldn't bend 1/4 inch in any direction, was in constant pain.  All the doctors told me to never bend backwards.  Well, that proved to be untrue, and the yoga literally saved my life by taking care of my back.  It did take a year, but remember, yoga is not a quick fix for anything.....takes time, but is worth every second and you get many benefits along the way.....  Cookie

[Cookie]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

Kay, I also am afraid my body won't cooperate, but I am not a "joiner" and will probably watch it on a DVD, which I probably threw away 2-3  when I moved, but will have to order another.  My hip bones were riddled with the radiation and I am probably lucky to be walking, but my feeding my grief with calories is going to work against me.  I think they have it for all kinds, shapes, and conditions, even wheelchair yoga.  It is just conscious movement.  I listen to meditation also and that wax that surrounds my brain must keep the subliminal part from reaching my brain.  I fall asleep about as soon as I take the breathing exercises.  

I did look at the DVD's offered.  Free will, personal choice.  Like I said, I am not a joiner, I would not go to classes. 

I admire Al Roker and know he has had the stomach surgery to help lose weight.  My friend had it and then had to have a liver replacement, and then didn't make it, so I admire people who try things to help themselves.  It does not work sometimes and sometimes it has embarrassing or disastrous results.  I think Al Roker soiled himself on TV one time, but still he came back from it.  He still is on TV.  I admire people like that.  Don't know if I could.  I have not  had that surgery, but like to stay close to my bathroom.  My TV screen is not far from my bathroom.

 

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

This is when I get frustrated having a back that limits me from such things as yoga.  I’ve heard about yoga for disabled people, but even what I have found is not compatible with my spine.  I’d never thought I’d see the day i would be qualified for a handicap placard which I just got.  Luckily I can still vacuum having the furry kids, but walking or trying to lay down kills me.   I have to keep reminding myself I am 62 because I feel so much younger in my mind.  Well, my body reminds me.  Luck of the genetic draw.  I see people my age and older doing the simplest things like taking a walk or doing yard work.  Hard to stave off the depression it brings.  I’m cancelling PT this coming week because it always makes feel worse.  So another place for a viscous cycle.  Depression causes stress and vice versa.  

Gwen:  Doing whatever yoga you do in a hot room with high humidity is what will get you past your problems.....I know, I sound like a damn preacher, but I'm telling you, I had a horrible back problem that no one could diagnose years ago and very hot yoga is the only thing that worked.  It was slow and took time, but what did I have to lose.....Anyway, my thoughts are with you.  Getting old is no joke.  Hope to keep moving till I die.  PT always has made me feel worse.  It's because they focus on one part and don't include the whole being and you're usually not warmed up enough.  Well, enough of that.....take care, Cookie

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Cookie said:

....Hey, have to tell you I've discovered the Outlander series and books.  What a fantasy, a sexy, wonderful fantasy.  I've been using those for escape these days.  Hugs to you Marg and all....Cookie

Well Cookie, I read all eight (if I remember correctly).  If you go to Amazon, somewhere on one of them is my critique along with lots more.  I complained that 25 pages dedicated to one sexual act was entirely too much for a 75-year-old.  But, I have checked her historical facts (and though the time travel is hard to grasp, but wonderful to read), and she is spot on with the history.  What was funny was another person reviewing the same book praised the pages of sex, and this was another 75-year-old woman.  I hate to say it, but either my memory is terribly faulty (which it is), but I never remember 25 pages for one time.  Too late now.  

[TomPB]

Interesting. My exercise is swimming. Our Masters team practices 4 mornings a week. Swimming is a big part of what keeps me going - the exercise itself, the fellowship, the self esteem. I have had some grief attacks in the pool and sometimes I cry in the shower afterwards, but the net effect is very positive. I never thought Olympian Amanda Beard's book title "In the water,  they can't see you cry" would apply to me, but it does. However, friends are always urging me to try yoga. My best friend, who is also a swimmer and lost her husband about 5 ms ago, does yoga and is learning to be a yoga teacher. She says it helps with grief, as in this thread. So maybe...

[Margm]

49 minutes ago, TomPB said:

"In the water,  they can't see you cry"

OMGosh, I was going to say that, I did not know it was a book.  Way to go Tom.  I say that as I apply some kind of patches to my left knee.  Daughter gave them to me for Mother's Day and they help.  They actually have yoga for ancient people too.

[TomPB]

She has a good story - olympics at 14 yo!

[kayc]

My exercise is keeping up around here.  Yesterday afternoon I got home to two wood deliveries and had to stack two cords of hardwood.  I was done for the day.  Well at least I was after I walked Arlie.  You'd think I would sleep eight hours, but nope, up for the duration at 2:30.  My security light went out Friday and I have to wait until at least Monday before someone fixes it, it's kind of unnerved me, it's like looking at a wall of black everywhere, instead of the soft light outside I am used to.

[Margm]

I think your exercise is plenty for you Kay.  I don't think people do yoga so much for the exercise as for the "peace" it gives them.  I don't know how that works.  I saw it happen with my dad while he was a practicing yogi person, and know, if it could calm him, it could calm the raging fires of a volcano.  I do not practice what I preach.  I am sitting here with an Ancestry DNA kit my cousin paid for and sent to me.  I have not even read the directions yet.  I did not want to do this.  We did my sister's and I am not curious enough to know that my folks all came over here and drove the Native Americans onto reservations.  Mine won't be the exact same as my sisters but all my cousins had theirs done and not a drop of Native American blood in the bunch of them.  I will do it, but spitting in a tube is not what I care about doing.  Thus being........we do what we want to do for whatever reason we want to do it..  If we think it might help, we might do it, if we remember to.  Until then, status quo, we do what we can do to get through the day.  That DNA  kit might open up all kinds of things, yoga might get rid of my aches and pains, heck, it might give me some sort of peace, but until I want to do it, I will stay as I am.  Not against any ideas, just satisfied to make it through another day.  (When I get off my behind, I am going to try the kind that is for the ancient people).

"Horton: We must become invisible, travel silently, for there are forces that would seek to destroy us."  Horton Hears a Who! (I love Dr. Seuss)

[Margm]

Put this in my Amazon cart.  Gotta find my DVD player.  It says for seniors.  Need help with my balance for sure.

[kevin]

Kay, stacking two loads of wood is full days exercise(or three), that is excellent...

[kayc]

Apparently they delivered another cord after I went to bed because I spent my afternoon on Mother's Day having to stack another cord.  Have another three loads on order, don't know when it will come.

[Cookie]

On ‎05‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 2:48 PM, Marg M said:

Well Cookie, I read all eight (if I remember correctly).  If you go to Amazon, somewhere on one of them is my critique along with lots more.  I complained that 25 pages dedicated to one sexual act was entirely too much for a 75-year-old.  But, I have checked her historical facts (and though the time travel is hard to grasp, but wonderful to read), and she is spot on with the history.  What was funny was another person reviewing the same book praised the pages of sex, and this was another 75-year-old woman.  I hate to say it, but either my memory is terribly faulty (which it is), but I never remember 25 pages for one time.  Too late now.  

Well, I don't even remember the 25 pages (oh no!), but I do remember the episode, and I've watched it several times....very sexy!  Cookie

[Margm]

Cookie, I used to research on Amazon the type of books Billy liked.  Now, C.J. Box, as an author, was Billy's favorite, next was Louis L'amour.  But, I had to keep his Kindle full and I had to be a real critique and read reviews, etc.   He preferred the mountain men books and next old west mysteries.  In choosing new authors, I have made the mistake of picking a couple that added sex into an old west mystery.  Well, that would just not do at all.  He would tell me not to pick that author anymore (they were usually women!!!) authors.  So, we would remove it from his Kindle.  He said too many sex scenes took away from the story line.  Outlander author Diana Galbaldon is writing her 9th book to the series.  I read them all before Billy got sick.  I had concentration back then.  I had to.  The shortest book is over 700 pages and the longest over 1000 pages.  But, I am like Billy, too much sex takes away from the story line.  So, maybe in over 700 pages I might have read 600 of those readable pages.  I would get into the sex scenes but honestly, I did skip many pages.  I perused the pages, did not want to miss the story line, and I have no criticism about her story lines, other than that.  Looking forward to her 9th, in process, no date given.

 

 

[Margm]

When things come down on me the hardest, it is not the Xanax that helps the most, it is getting in the little Ferris Yaris and just hitting those back roads.  No, these are not the Arkansas back roads that were mine and Billy's with nary a vehicle coming anywhere.  I don't drive at night (I did last night), but I am so fortunate to live on the outskirts of town and the main road goes right past my kinfolks resting places and probably a lot of live kinfolks living in those beautiful but palatial homes and those living in the mobile homes.  I talk to Billy and sometimes I talk to Jesus.  I say "Billy, I don't know what to do, I've done everything I can" and then I might say "Please Jesus help me" because I have come up on some problems I don't know how to solve.  Some things I don't know what to do.  And, my family, my daughter, my son remind me "Mama, your all we have left, you cannot let things worry you to death" and sometimes I get angry at Billy for leaving me with these problems.  Then sometimes I go and read Erma Bombeck's "If I Had My Life to Live Over".  I have to break down and go see my sister and some of you can understand, she is alone except for Boo, her cat of 12 years.  A spoiled cat for sure, but much loved.  The large tumor in her stomach  could not be cured and I think she might have died overnight and I'm afraid to face it.  I'm also afraid to face my sister who will sit there and just die.  I'm taking my daughter with me.  As much as she has been a bother sometimes, she is still a hero to me.  She faces her challenges.  Yes, I have helped a whole lot, but she helps too.  This is long, but if you remember Erma, you will enjoy it again.

 

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER – by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, ‘Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.’ There would have been more ‘I love you’s’ More ‘I’m sorry’s.’

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it .. live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

[kayc]

Marg, thank you for sharing that, I love Erma Bombeck.  I laughed at burning the rose candle before it melted in storage...sounds just like me, I tend to save those treasures instead of using them, my MIL was the same way I discovered when I was cleaning her things out after her death.

Is your sister okay?  So much happening with her at once.  Are YOU okay?  Love you!