If You're Going Through Hell

[Margm]

Gin, I don't know where you live.  Is it possible for you to make a trip out there?  If he is in an RV you can stay in it.  My son and ex-wife are going to have their son committed to a two year institution because he is harmful to himself.  

I know it is hard for you to get around to places and this might be impossible for you.  If possible and you get tired, you can pull over and stay at a motel and start out the next day.  He had to call you from a phone/texted you.  Explain to the police why you need to know the location of the phone.  

Of course, you could do like my kids and get them to make a wellness check.  You could give them the phone number, they can find the place.  Also, try googling the phone number.  

I am so sorry.  We don't get over worrying about them.  Scott is 54, and I still worry about him so much.  Please let us know.

[mittam99]

Gin, my heart goes out to you and I hope your son is ok.

It's so hard being alone and not having your "rock" to comfort and calm you when those difficult moments happen.

I know for you, rock was spelled "A-L".

[Gin]

Marge and Mitch,

He is in Ca. And I am Il.  I have a bad knee and fighting anemia, so I would never set out alone.  If I do not hear from him tomorrow, I will try the well being request.  None of the rest of the family seem to give a damn.  He has isolated himself for so long.  I just can not bear the thought of losing him, also.  

[Clematis]

That sounds very scary, Gin. I hope he's ok

[KATPILOT]

I'm sorry to hear this Gin. So stressful when you can't know or do anything.  Perhaps they don't give a damn about him Gin but maybe if they knew what you were going through they might at least try to check on him for your sake. No?

[MartyT]

Gin, I'm so very sorry that you are feeling such concern and helplessness about your son's well-being. We never stop worrying about our kids, no matter how old they are. Sending hugs and prayers 

[Margm]

9 hours ago, Gin said:

 He worked for the power company and fell from a high tower.

Okay Gin, if you know the power company, perhaps he is getting workman's compensation.  I think if you call them and tell them your story, your illness, just lost your husband, you are in another state and are worried sick, maybe you might be able to get someone to go check on him.  

One time Billy and I were late getting home from a vacation.  My daughter had the state police out trying to find us.  That was many years ago and I don't know what law officials do now, but I do know waking up to 2-3 police cars with lights on and an ambulance with lights on at around 2:00 a.m. was definitely a wake-up call for me.  One reason I got back closer to my family.  They called it a "well check" and surely they would do it for your son.  If you do not know his address, maybe the company that he fell from the power line pole will know his address.  

When my son was shot, my daughter was able to find us buried deep in the Gila National Forest, a little hide-away campground, 15 miles from the mountain road going up into the wilderness.  Just get on your phone and start calling the officials in the county he is in.  I hate being a widow, but honestly, people bend over backwards if you just call and explain.  

I am not saying all "kids" are like mine (Lord help us if they are), but you have a text.  Now, text him that if he does not get in touch with you what you are going to do.  Dammit, we are mothers, we are widows, and we deserve a little solace for our brains and hearts.  I know you are not as mean as I am, but I would text him that if he does not let you know where he is, how to get in touch with him that you are going to hunt him down.  I know that might not work for every son or daughter, but it would work for mine.  But, like I said, not many mothers can be as mean as I can be.

[Gin]

Marg,

my son has a big, protective German Shepherd.  If the police came unexpectedly and the dog got out of control, I am afraid they might shoot her.  I am worn out anyway and now it is so much worse.  This is not the way families should be.

[Margm]

Gin, we had a chow that sat on our doorsteps and would not let the police in.  Yes, my son had a traffic warrant and they came all the way down to the lake where we all lived.  Bear (the chow) would not let them out of the car.  They did not shoot him, they used their loud speaker and one of us came to the door.  Usually we would come anyhow because it was a dead end road.  If he has that mean a dog, then you need to find him, if for no other reason than what you wrote above.  Your tired of worrying.  I told you, I can get mean.

[Widowedbysuicide]

Gin I'm so sorry that everything is so distressing right now.  I know that not having our husbands to provide support and understanding is just as bad as the problems we are dealing with.  Thinking of you and praying for relief from your anxiety; also good news from your son.  Hugs

 

[kayc]

10 hours ago, Gin said:

 I got text messages from him tonight saying something is wrong with his legs.  He is worried that there might be a bone infection.  He is going to the clinic tomorrow.  He said he was not eating well and does not sleep.  Most of my questions go unanswered.

Gin, I'm sorry, I know you must feel out of your mind with worry, I know how that feels.  If he ends up in a hospital, at least you can talk to the nurse's station and also have them put you through to him.  Bone infections are nothing to ignore so I'm really glad he's going to seek treatment.

[kayc]

Here the police shoot the dog if they so much as growl at them.  It makes me so mad I could spit!  I understand your reticence, Gin, if his dog ended up dead because of a wellness check, it'd be pretty tough for him to swallow, he has things hard enough.  Maybe if you just tell your son that he is everything to you and when you don't hear from him, knowing how hard his life is, it's awfully damn hard, being alone and laid up, to take it.  He NEEDS to check in with you every couple of weeks!  My daughter is the same way and she only lives an hour from here, I just don't hear from her and she doesn't respond to texts, doesn't answer her phone, she doesn't even have voicemail set up.  Just...nothing.  We aren't estranged, nothing happened between us, she's that way with both sides of the family, very independent, very private.  BUT the difference being, she's not going through the physical problems your son is.  She ever worries me like that, heaven help what I'll do!  

[brat#2]

Gin, I'm sorry you are having to go through this alone, it can be so overwhelming.  I hope your son has gone to the clinic by now and that you can find out what is going on soon.  Sending you good thoughts and hugs.

Joyce

 

[Gin]

To all my friends here,

my son finally texted me and said he was Ok.  No infection.  XRay and surgeon tomorrow.  I go off the deep end when these things happen.  I was so used to Al helping.  My son talked to Al more when he called.  Thank you all for your understanding.  I am sure I will sleep tonight.

Gin

[KATPILOT]

Yay!

 

 

[kayc]

Double yay!

[MartyT]

Sweet dreams, dear Gin. Sweet dreams  ♥

[Widowedbysuicide]

Sleep well and awaken to a happier day, my wish for you.

[kayc]

Ahh...that is sweet!  I wish I'd read this before I went to bed, but my stupid internet was out again!

[Margm]

 

[kayc]

I hope you find your way, Marg.

[Patty65]

My therapist, PJ whom I've known 20 years, is going in for knee replacement surgery Monday.  I probably won't meet with her again for 6 weeks, though we may be able to talk in a few weeks. I rely on her for my sanity. Even just to vent about the business. She's having it done at our horrible, horrible hospital.  The last time I was there I was rushing out the door to follow the ambulance transport to Hospice.  Ron and I had built such a cocoon with our life and building the business that I'm left with the one new friend who does not know me well, and one who does that I cannot talk to, and PJ.  Looks like all that's left for a while is my three buddies for a while IRL -- me, myself and I.    I may end up babbling here a lot, as I'm heading into a rough season of firsts (both of our birthdays and our anniversary), even before the holidays and the anniversary of his illness and all of that.

[MartyT]

We are here, dear Patty, and we are listening. I know it's only virtual, but it's still real ~ and you are not alone  ♥  

[kayc]

11 minutes ago, Patty65 said:

I may end up babbling here a lot, as I'm heading into a rough season of firsts

Babble away!  We're here to listen. I'm sorry your therapist is having to use the hospital you deplore.

[Gwenivere]

36 minutes ago, Patty65 said:

Looks like all that's left for a while is my three buddies for a while IRL -- me, myself and I.    I may end up babbling here a lot, as I'm heading into a rough season of firsts (both of our birthdays and our anniversary), even before the holidays and the anniversary of his illness and all of that.

The timing of things always amazes me now, Patty.  We can't control what happens to others like your counselor, and now you have to face the calendar of very important dates.  I'm already seeing holidays coming and our birthdays before that.  Can't change or cancel those.  As I have learned more and more, much to my dismay, the loneliness has no boundary and while we are all interesting, unique and dazzling people, it works better when we are sharing that with someone but ourselves.  I get tired of trying to entertain me, myself and I.  

Babble away.  You know we are here for you.  Virtual has limits for sure, but it's better than staring at a wall wondering what the hell is going on with me.