My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

As usual, Karen expresses my thoughts...I miss my routine and home.  

 

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know what to do.  I know living like this is not healthy.  I’m trying to.figure out why everything goes wrong.  @

[KarenK]

Maybe it's not so much that something went wrong,  just that you're not compatible as housemates. We each have our own way of doing things and interpreting things. I also think as we get older, we are less open to change. That being said, it does not justify nastiness and being hurtful. Not a real friendship when one person takes advantage of the other. I don't remember how long you've been friends, but it seems that much of that time, you have been hospitalized and unable to spend time together. Maybe it's just not meant to be.

As I write this, I am only on the outside looking in though.

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I don’t know what to do.

Oh Gwen:  I am so, so sorry you are facing another battle.  Still keeping you in my heart and sending strength you will find a way through this.  Dee 😢

[Gwenivere]

My posts eep disappearing.  I spent all day on the phone or meeting with home care. If Dee leaves I will need them. Yes, Karen,  this is no way to live.  I don’t have the energy to do this a 3rd time.  I’m s frustrated I can hardly read with these glasses.  I’m just fed up with all.  I spent another day on the phone about more problems. I just want to sleep and even that is a problem with restless legs or neural pain.  I just want out of here.  I never hear anything  good.  Never.  Every moment in pain.  Can’t wait to see what to see what the surgeon says.   That’s ultimate sarcasm.

[kayc]

Yesterday was the miracle I prayed for.  Rained too and cooler temperatures. 

Gwen, I again feel what Karen says...you can still be friends but...

Going home today, will have a lot to do and need to remain packed.

[KarenK]

Kay, so glad there was a bit of rain and cooling temps. I've been checking the fire report every day hoping for the best for you and your community. Saw that you've been moved back to Level 2, but the smoke is horrendous. Was wondering if you were going to head back soon. Hope the damage is not too severe surrounding your home. Check in when you can.

[Gwenivere]

I don’t  know what happened yesterday but I kept losing posts.  The software also brought up my profile today for some reason so I got trapped in there. Hopefully today will go better.  
 

waking up was it’s usual depression and not knowing where to turn.   I honestly don’t know who to seek help from.  Both physically and mentally.  I don’t want to feel life isn’t worth living.  I also don’t want it a regimen either.  Monday night I couldn’t think clearly and don’t know how to describe it.  If I could at least leave the house it would make such a difference.  If I could do more here it would help.  I spend my day alone,, in pain and taking pills.  Feeling sick from the side effects.  I can hardly read much with these glasses.  I can’t muster motivation to pursue solutions.   It was another day Dee got in a loop about questions were been over so much.  I found myself pulled in yet again.  I’m so sad she’s so judgmental I have to keep my mouth shut so as to avoid questions/talks we’re already had she forgets.  Wow, this is getting nuts.  I was joking with her about her root beer float, but she took it as judgmental and was going to show me pics of 2 best friends and withdraw the offer to punish me.  She doesn’t communicate like a  normal person.  How does someone misunderstand teasing and also bring up how I say cruel things abut others?  I have no idea what she is telling her buddies as she’s said they think I’m bad for her. She won’t tell me who or what they’ve said.  I’ve answered all her questions honestly even when they have no bearing on hand.  We grew up totally  different, but mine was somehow shallow and bad.  Sorry for all the verbage.
 

 I don’t know how long it will take to get a care diving team in here.  I actually got the guy I want to hire after this craziness's,, but it could take weeks.  Man while no showers as well.  I feel awful.  How does someone do this?  Can’t do a ed one in mine with my back.  
 

Better get to bed.  She won’t help like she diid.  My 💕 to you all.

[Kieron]

I have noticed some glitchy behavior in the forum today, for example it made me redo my profile prior to logging in.  So it's not your imagination, you probably did lose posts.

Speaking of haywire, something seems to be haywire with Dee, from the sounds of things.

I am sure you have probably already tried this, but I know when we are sick or in pain, we miss things.  Just in case this does the trick, here is what i found for your area for in-home care needs.  It's my nature to find solutions, Gwen, I can't help it.  🙂

https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/long-term-care-services-information

 

[kayc]

Gwen, I really feel for you, it reminds me so much of what my sister went through with her back, but she had Bert and he took care of her completely!  It's hard when you can't move around enough to even sponge bath.  If ever anyone needed home health, it's you!  Then when Peggy got out of the hosp/rehab the next time, Bert was gone and all she had was me.  She really couldn't get around, and was heavy on top of it.  And out of her mind.  At least you have your mind going for you!  Thank God!  The "caregiver" she hired was worthless!  I mean 1000% worthless!  So glad she finally got rid of her, but then it was back to just me again.  God I wish there was an answer.  It seems the doctor/s have let you down big time!  Dee...I only wish things were as you'd thought/hoped for.  

Fire is at 87.000 acres this last weeked with 100 degree temps and winds going our direction.  It is 2 miles from my dead end road, only one way out...towards it, down High Prairie since they closed Box Canyon due to it.  Hit level 3 Friday and evacuated.  It's level 2 since Monday, I came home last night (Tues.).  Power was shut off so I lost most of my refrigerator.  My chest freezer...the neighbor ran it when he got home Sunday eve. and thank God, it was okay!  I called him last night and told him my SF Dilly Bar I keep in the top back of it next to leaky seal didn't melt at all!  He saved my bacon!  

They said the fire would be end of Oct. to burn out BEFORE it grew!  Now I don't know.  They finally called in some Feds and special funding and the gov'r declared it an emergency/disaster or something.  I'd wondered why in the world they sent home all the Lane County firefighters because they were "needed at home."  WHAT???  We need them HERE!  Our whole town was on level 2 evac and most left, but are now back.  Staying packed and ready to leave at a moment's notice.  It's hard living out of suitcases.  I took Kodie and went to my daughter's, 1 1/2 hours away.  Was on a borrowed laptop (her BF's) but it barely worked with a struggle.  Still, thankful to use it, he uses it for his work.  Kodie was so funny, scrambling to get footing on the elevator!  He finally got used to it.  He loved the low window in the hallway, he could stand up and look out.  He was fascinated with looking down on rooftops and trees and seeing the cars/people going by!  I took him for 4 walks/day, he loved it.  Not the greatest part of town but we avoided nighttime.
Continual updating map CalTopo - Backcountry Mapping Evolved Look for First Creek/Mountain View Rd (dead end road left of the fire, left of Camp 6)...fire 2 miles from my road.  No way off the dead end street except High Praire as Box Canyon is closed for the fire.
Came home and poor Panther, he'd had diarreah and was covered in burrs!  Also has an infestation of ear mites.  My son said Wilco has OTC meds for it, so will go there when I go to town next week.  Poor Kitty!  They were even bleeding.  I wish I could take him to the vet, but he won't let me pick him up to put him in the carrier.  He freaks out.  He was so loving, so happy to see us, we were gone five days.  I cleaned up the diarreah as best as I could and got it off the patio, also picked the burrs off in intervals so I wouldn't outdo his tolerance but he was amazing and just kept purring even when it pulled and hurt a bit.

 

[Roxi]

It's a relief Kay to know that you can go home...! And can help Panther Kitty tambien...i don't know the word 'burr" and when i translate it i was stunning....🙃

Take care of you and your little ones

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

Came home and poor Panther, he'd had diarreah and was covered in burrs!  Also has an infestation of ear mites.  My son said Wilco has OTC meds for it, so will go there when I go

kayc: Glad to hear Panther was waiting for you.  Have you looked on line for natural treatment of ear mites until you get to Wilco.  I remember years ago treating one of my kitties with something around the house.  Sorry I can't remember what.  Great news the Dilly Bar treat survived.  Keeping you all down there in my thoughts.  Dee

[Widow2015]

3 hours ago, Kieron said:

https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/long-term-care-services-information

Kieron:  Thanks for sharing this site.  I have bookmarked site in a couple of places.  I don't need it just now since I have family nearby but it has an abundance of information. Dee 

[Gwenivere]

Yes, thank you, Kieron.  I’m kinda drowning in information, but every bill helps.  So much is my fatigue about all the paperwork and I can’t name the times for everything.  
 

What an ordeal this is for you kay.  I can’t imagine how you are handling this.  I read how you are and am amazed.  I’d be telling my neighbor to take the dilly bars for his help.  🙂
 

When I woke up my eyes were really messed up.  I also had a dream about Dee that was intense and will take a long time to fade.  Why can’t the semii good ones stick?       I finally talk to the surgeon tomorrow.  I’m wondering if anyone knows how someone lives with constant pain.  I’m wondering how the person with it can.  
 

Testing iPad holder.uncrsitting up to use it. I’m not sire this will work as it does raise my head, but the bend is still there and everything is still as blurry.  Talk to the surgeon Thursday about living with chronic pain.  All stuff I’ve written about so much about.  Bent way over or sitting up straighter makes no difference.  The bones don’t move. All I can emphasize it’s not possibles. Then we are done. He’s too cruel.  I’m not sure he will call them into my mail order pharmacy because they did something he didn’t like.  I don’t know what I’ll do as I don’t like about any aspect of my life.  Found my computer ad printer are problems and need the Geek Squad out here.  Oh joy!  I need it for printing.  Pls I don’t not like having a backup for the iPad.

Gotta get through today first and foremost.  Watching the new Matrix movie.  Not sold on it, but all we got. Temps really dropping for days.  My hair needs repined, but if I can get a shower, best to wait as it’s hard to do.  I need inches cut.  Such once simple things.
 

 

[kayc]

20 hours ago, Roxi said:

i don't know the word 'burr"

This is a burr, they get into their fur, wrap around in it, and are very hard to get out!

[kayc]

20 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

Have you looked on line for natural treatment of ear mites

I did yesterday....I have some ear cleaner for dogs/cats, also it said to use baby oil, so I started on it.  May take a month but they smother them.  He was very figety, but didn't totally fight me.  Poor cat!

Gwen, is there a way to back your files up to the cloud?  Not sure how it works, but my daughter does with her cellphone and I know some do with their PC.  I wish my son were around to ask him.

I wish I knew what the surgeon had to be angry about!  He's not the one stuck in this situation with pain!  He created this mess, you'd think he'd feel more empathy.  God he makes me angry.

[Roxi]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

This is a burr, they get into their fur, wrap around in it, and are very hard to get out!

Thank you Kay...now i understand! 'Cos the translation for burr said the animals...i can't imagine Phanter Kitty covered by them 😂

[Roxi]

This cute little baby😂

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I did yesterday....I have some ear cleaner for dogs/cats, also it said to use baby oil, so I started on it.  May take a month but they smother them.  He was very figety, but didn't totally fight me.  Poor cat!

Poor Panther.  Am sure any relief feels good plus he knows he can trust you.  Dee😽

[Gwenivere]

Yes, thank you, Kieron.  I’m kinda drowning in information, but every bill helps.  So much is my fatigue about all the paperwork and I can’t name the times for everything.  Kay, I don’t know how to back thins up to the cloud, but the computer also is not working correctly.  Can’t get my printer on.  I am angry with the surgeon which I plan on telling him today.  It’s my shrink I’m scared of as he is so cruel.  
 

What an ordeal this is for you kay.  I can’t imagine how you are handling this.  I read how you are and am amazed.  I’d be telling my neighbor to take the dilly bars for his help.  🙂
 

When I woke up my eyes were really messed up.  I also had a dream that was intense and will take a long time to fade.  Why can’t the semii good ones stick?       I finally talk to the surgeon tomorrow.  I’m wondering if anyone knows how someone lives with constant pain.  I’m wondering how the person with it can.  
 

Testing iPad holder.uncrsitting up to use it. I’m not sire this will work as it does raise my head, but the bend is still there and everything is still as blurry.  Talk to the surgeon today about living with chronic pain.  All stuff I’ve written about so much about.  Bent way over or sitting up straighter makes no difference.  The bones don’t move. All I can emphasize it’s not possibles. I see why people throw in the towel.  
 

A PT woman was supposed to come by yesterday and never showed up.  Left her 2 voicemails and nothing.  Frustrating trying to get ideas for help and they don’t materialize.  Dee said she would help me take a shower.  I may have to take that offer.  It’s been a long time.  
 

I talked to my surgeon via Zoom.  I was in tears about how bad the pain is getting worse.  He’s going to talk to his partner about what can be done.  He brought up more surgery for my upper back.  I don’t trust it anymore.  I was so upset I forgot to ask if I’m hurting myself walking around and bending over to the floor now.  He’s going to call back so I will.  I told him the truth.  This is pushing self harm thinking.  He told me what my back has now and I look up things.  The thought of utter dependence, pain-and being alone is huge.  

I better post this as the software keeps wiping out parts.  This is keeping what little sanity I have.  Thank you everyone.  💕
 

 

[Gwenivere]

New post as my iPad got locked up and I couldn’t get my keyboard in any application.  It doesn’t take much to make the challenges seem so much bigger.  My mind is still spinning after talking with the surgeon.  I, at least, don’t feel as bad about how slouched over I am as it’s beyond my control unless I get really lazy.  I do a lot as I don’t see any help for a long time.  T's taking a toll of making me feel physically sick.  I felt awful watching during movie time.  That the movie was a let down didn’t help.  Go back to the usual today and hopes I can pull off another day.  Hoping nothing pops up beyond what I already have to do.  Having to face the pain is quite enough.  

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I better post this as the software keeps wiping out parts.

OMG, this is some of what I was going through on the borrowed computer for five days!  When I got home it took me three tries to get my PC to work, no idea why!

I can't believe the PT woman didn't show or even call!  How rude!  Makes you want to call back and say not to bother.  But that doesn't help your situation any.  I'd take Dee up on her offer.

Is "T" Tylenol?  Maybe eat something with it so it's not on an empty stomach?

Let us know what the surgeon says after you talk to him.

We got moved to a level 1 yesterday!  Got to go to Bible Study yesterday...we talked 1 1/2 hours, we all seemed to need that, and prayed.  The last week has seemed at LEAST a month!  I'm sure I've gotten more grey hairs, IDK, I didn't look.  I don't much care what I look like anymore, only makeup I wear anymore is my eyebrow liner.

[V. R.]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

moved to a level 1 yesterday

I hope this means that your area has become safer now and will be able to stay in your home, peacefully. 

We have the opposite problem here, heavy rainstorms all over the country, destructive flooding in Central Italy with at least 10 fatalities. According to our meteorologists, this weekend of severe weather conditions will mark the end of our Summer, temperatures dropping drastically! Very unusual, considering that Summer started late this year. We still had our fireplace in use in May! Are we really going through climate change? 😕

 

[scba]

1 hour ago, V. R. said:

Are we really going through climate change? 😕

 

Yes we are

[KarenK]

V, I read the news about the flooding in Italy and wondered if it was near you. Hope you are safe!