Widowedbysuicide Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Marg, I don't think it's stupid. These are your honest feelings, although I wish you didn't feel guilty, they are yours not anyone else's. I really do like where you say you think Billy would have been happy. Is it possible that Billy gently nudged the whistling out of you? Could it be his message telling you that he doesn't want you to be unhappy? I hope that in time you will return to whistling, guilt free and natural and great. From reading some of your posts I get the feeling that you and Billy had lots of fun and happiness together. I believe he would be relieved to know that you can find moments that are happy. I feel that while our deep sadness is part of our grief journey, a little happiness and joy are part too. Marita 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Marg, we will all catch ourselves having a happy moment from time to time. It doesn't last and it's nothing to feel guilty about. Try to enjoy it for the brief moment in time that it is. This is hard enough without laying guilt trips on ourselves. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 I know, we were all talking about this the other day and I used to whistle all the time. Billy liked it when I whistled because he said he knew I was happy. So, for a few seconds, maybe I guess I was happy. But, it seemed like he should have been here too. Maybe since I did it unconsciously, maybe I will again. I was sure busy. Kinda hurt some too. Guess that is to be expected. Marita, I love your name. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 I took myself to the doctor Wednesday because I just have not been feeling well at all. I actually took time to address some symptoms with her. I went in because I was having discomfort in my chest and back. She believes that I am suffering from acid-reflux and it is affecting my breathing. She put me on Symbacort and I took my first dose yesterday. Now, I don't know if it is because I know I took the medicine, or that it is Friday and I have a long weekend....but for the first time in a VERY long time I did not wake up tired and exhausted. I even woke up twice during the night and when I got up with the dogs at 4:30 am...I was not dragging and tired. It felt really good and I am not dragging today (still not feeling 100%, but feel better than I have). She also put me on prevacid, but only took first dose this morning. Maybe I will finally have energy to do things. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 I'm glad you're finally getting some relief! Perhaps your acid reflux was affecting your sleep more than you realized so that now you can finally feel refreshed. I'm happy for you! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 That's great news, Maryann. I know exhaustion really drains us of so much and sleep is so fragile. I hope this helps and I know you will keep us updated. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted June 13, 2016 Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 Laughter and Happiness is great for your Health......Just got back from a Church Garage sale the other day, bought some old DVD's and one of them was Bad Boys 2.....older one with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence...thought I would have a heart attack I laughed so hard. Felt great at the end of the day.... Go with what works. I was told always remember RED ........Rest.......Exercise.......Diet..... (and always in moderation)...... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 13, 2016 Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 Yes, it is Kevin. My friends are all, well most all, not up to the bawdy humor of things like "Frankie and Grace" and actually do not follow-up on some of my choices. I'm sorry. What I think is so funny, they disapprove of. I loved the Bad Boys movies. Laughter is a very good medicine. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 28, 2016 Report Share Posted June 28, 2016 “The Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast, who had been teaching gratitude for years, had a simple explanation: “It is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy.” Excerpt From: Kaplan, Janice. “The Gratitude Diaries.” Min rereading this book I am once again reminded that in spite of my horrific loss there is much for me to find gratitude in. In spite of losing the love of my life, having my life shattered beyond recognition, I do mostly love my life. I am so fortunate in so many aspects. I miss Deedo every minute of every day but I am now able to find pleasure and joy in so many things I couldn't before. Spent the day yesterday with my granddaughter at the Phoenix Children's Museum. It was so enlightening to be remind of what life looks like through the eyes of o six-year-old. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 28, 2016 Report Share Posted June 28, 2016 I love that quote, Brad, so true! I have a positive...my daughter's car needs replaced in the worst way. Her brother found her a 98 Toyota Camry that had one owner and has always been garaged and waxed and polished, with regular maintenance, 158,000 miles...$1,000.00 It got sideswiped, passenger side, purely cosmetic and not deep. It's someone he knows. So he's going over it with a fine toothed comb before handing it over to her, just to make sure the hoses, etc. are all good. She'll have to rotate the tires and buy two new ones before the rainy season starts, he's replacing the mirror and turn signal and whatever else it might need. She's lucky to have such a great brother! I'm lucky too so I don't have to worry about her so much. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Kay, just throwing this out there as a guy who knows a little about cars. First off, a Camry is a good car, but... Generally speaking, an 18 year old car with nearly 160k on the speedo is probably only going to be a short term solution. Regular maintenance is great but there are so many potentially expensive wear and tear components like the suspension, brakes, water pump and timing belt (just to mention a few) that might break at anytime. Does your daughter drive a lot of miles? Hopefully though, she gets a couple years out of it. That would be a huge positive! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 12 hours ago, Brad said: In spite of losing the love of my life, having my life shattered beyond recognition, I do mostly love my life. I am so fortunate in so many aspects. I miss Deedo every minute of every day but I am now able to find pleasure and joy in so many things I couldn't before. Spent the day yesterday with my granddaughter at the Phoenix Children's Museum. It was so enlightening to be remind of what life looks like through the eyes of o six-year-old. Brad, that is wonderful to hear. I'm learning to adapt to this new life and I function but finding real pleasure and joy is something that has eluded me. Maybe some day, I too will find some semblance of happiness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 I realize that, Mitch, but the timing belt should have been replaced by this time, if not, my son can do it. They have all of their records so he can see what has/hasn't been done, he's a mechanical engineer and loves working on vehicles, he has a four stall garage with attached shop that he has turned into a huge shop, including installing a lift so he can work on cars underneath them without having to crawl around on the floor in an awkward position. Her Honda she got 330,000 miles on it before selling it to someone who went on to continue driving it for well beyond a year. Most of Melissa's miles are to/from work with maybe a trip to the coast once a year or a trip here once a year, so no, not a lot of miles. She does need something dependable, and I think this will do the job. Any car she can afford probably won't last her more than a couple of years. That's the price you pay for being poor I guess. Update: Timing belt has been changed this year. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted July 7, 2016 Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 KayC, Camry is a very good car, my wife drove a Corolla for about 15 years......(both Toyota models)...Mitch is bang on....It is a shame about the body scrapes ,but thats why the price is good......Keep close eye on fluid levels and your daughter should get a few seasons out of this car...... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 8, 2016 Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 She's used to keeping a close eye on the levels and hoses. My son brought it to her Sunday, she is ecstatic with it! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Getting ready for 5 day mini vacation to small Desert resort town.....Used to spend all my summers there when the kids were little. Convinced two of them to join me(along with associated kids and Spouses)....Will all get lots of water,Sun, and of course, Karaoke.....I have good memories of this place, hope this adds to them........ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Kevin - wishing you a good mini vacation and hope you will bring back good memories. Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Kevin, I hope you have a great time! It's good to get to spend time with your kids. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Back from mini vacation, now I need real rest....Wonderful time with family and adventurous things my body definitely regrets....Water Slides and Go Cart racing.definitely use different muscle groups..And of course too much food and evening Beers....But alas, nice to be home and bring my plants back to life....Next week, going rafting on very gentle river, first time in three years...take care.. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 This one is for Marty.... Once again, "hope & healing for transcending loss - by Ashley Davis Bush" has so much wisdom today, like Marty: "Two things can be true simultaneously: You can be heartbroken and bereft, and you can be filled with gratitude for the amazing love that was in your life (and still is in your life, actually). Sorrow and joy exist side by side. Both are true and both are real. Wisdom is making space to hold two opposing truths at the same time." 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Kevin, good to have you back and very glad you had a good time! Maryann, 18 minutes ago, Froggie4635 said: Sorrow and joy exist side by side. So true, I find that I coexist with my grief. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted July 26, 2016 Report Share Posted July 26, 2016 On 7/22/2016 at 1:17 PM, Froggie4635 said: Wisdom is making space to hold two opposing truths at the same time." This really speaks to where I am right now. I need to seek this wisdom. Thanks for sharing! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty65 Posted August 1, 2016 Report Share Posted August 1, 2016 On 7/22/2016 at 8:17 AM, Froggie4635 said: "Two things can be true simultaneously: You can be heartbroken and bereft, and you can be filled with gratitude for the amazing love that was in your life (and still is in your life, actually). Sorrow and joy exist side by side. Both are true and both are real. Wisdom is making space to hold two opposing truths at the same time." Yes such truth, albeit hard. I think that represents ALL those moments we remember something special, and also the pain of its loss that makes us sob. So sweet, such pain too. Like today for me. I woke up getting ready for work in the bathroom, the light flickering on and off, and clicking. I get in my car, and the very first lyric of "Bad, Bad Leeroy Brown" started blasting on the radio. That was Ron's nickname -- I gave it to him our first Christmas at my parents when we drank way too many bottles of champagne one night, the two of us, and we snuck up the long driveway in the morning to throw them away, hiding them from my parents (mind you we were in our 40s) and acting like teenagers in love. From then on, his fun "bad-influence" nickname was Leeroy Brown because it played on the radio then too, on our way to dispose of the bottles. He was my Leeroy. Then, listening to the song this morning, I realized my gas was below empty, and if I had tried to make it to Costco, I would have run out, because I lost my Costco card last week. So I got gas. Since he couldn't, after all, come get me if I ran out of gas (happened many times), I believe my Leeroy was reminding me. It started me laughing and crying all at once, and has not really subsided. The joy of the memories that I was so lucky to have, and the pain of never having more with my Leeroy exist together. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 1, 2016 Report Share Posted August 1, 2016 Friday I went to Eugene and got to spend time with my daughter and son-in-law, which is extremely rare. That is a super positive for me! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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