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Looking For The Positives


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Dear Harry,

I completely understand your sense of accomplishment.  I recently took some time off work (thanks to the many Jewish holidays) and worked on some projects that I have wanted to finish for so long.  The main thing I wanted to do was to do my best to remove my grief from my art studio, and try and create once more.  I had been keeping everything to the one room: my journal writing, my grief books and articles all sitting on my studio table.  I kept shuffling stuff from one side to another and I wrote and did my creative grief work.  But I knew the only way to really allow the creativity to flow was to extricate the grief portion and place it somewhere else.  Well, the only room I thought would be appropriate was the front bedroom; the place where Mark slept.  It had been simply a catch-all since he died, and I really did not like that.  So I began first by organizing the closets in the hall, so I could move and store some things away there.  Then I had to make room for my grief library, so I cleared out some of the books that could be donated.  I cleaned off the top of the desk Mark had brought from his childhood home and began to find places for all my writing paraphernalia, especially the pens he had made by hand.  Half of the room is done, and I moved the office chair I had in the studio into that new "office".  Once I had completely freed up the studio, I started on a project for my bedroom, based on some beautiful Hawaiian fabric I found on eBay...something I KNOW Mark would have loved and would have wanted to make a shirt from.  I began going through all my paint chip colors, cautiously matching all the hues I found necessary for a piece.  I then went on a shopping excursion to find the perfect frames. In a matter of a couple days, I had completed 7 coordinating pieces, and it felt really good.  Mark LOVED to see me creating, and I know he would have enjoyed seeing me in there once again.  Don't get me wrong, I am STILL missing him so much that it catches me in my throat, but I am integrating it into my life.  When moving some items out of the closet, I came across the sign-in book from our wedding.  I opened it and began to read the names and remember that day, and it hurt so bad...but I also could smile and remember just how very special that day was; all the planning that went into it, and all the LOVE it represented.  I know that will NEVER go away.  I would give ANYTHING to have him back, as I know we all would wish for ourselves.  But life DOES go on. Each step we take brings us a little further along.  I will try and post some photos once I get everything hung on the wall.  

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I tried to post here last weekend but my Kindle kept rebooting and I finally gave up.  I got to see my granddaughter overnight!  I'm posting a picture for you all to see just why I'm missing her so much!  (She's dressed as a clown for Halloween).

Ceci clown.jpg

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Okay, my second positive, which deserves an entry all of it's own, is I'm going to have a GRANDSON!! :)  I am so thrilled!  They will be about the same age difference as my daughter and son were, which is what my son was hoping for, and I'm so glad they'll get to experience one of each!

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  • 2 weeks later...

KayC......good news. Happy for you...I got some mixed news the other day...I volunteer at a homeless shelter and found out they are doing away with the Volunteers, and require extra full time staff......And I have no intention of working full time again....Looking for new vocation once my Hip is back together. The positive, no more night shift...

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18 minutes ago, kevin said:

.Looking for new vocation once my Hip is back together.

Let me tell you about my memory.  I have my system of keys in left pocket, phone in right pocket, glasses either on my face or to the right of the computer.  Today I lost my bra.  I know, I know, how can you lose a bra.  Well, mostly I don't like to wear them, but in common decency to the people I meet on the street, I do wear them.  So, I had to get another one.  This afternoon I came into the kitchen and my bra was hanging from the paper towel holder.  Don't remember putting it there.

What I am getting at is this:  Kevin, have you had any of your surgery yet and I have just missed the note somewhere?  I don't remember seeing anything about the surgery being near.  I did know you needed it.  

23 minutes ago, kevin said:

And I have no intention of working full time again

Knocking on wood for this one.  I think 43 years was long enough to work.  Do not plan on doing it any more.  Now, I hope you do not need to work even part  time and I hope you let us know when you have had surgery.  And, I hope I have not missed the note where you had it already.  I don't go back and read old notes unless it is something I have to do.  I don't think I have read notes from you for awhile.  If you have had the surgery I sure hope you are doing great.

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Marg, I am only talking about Volunteer work......reach out, driving people to appointments, .....after being full time care giver to my Wife, I just felt with my extra time,. I could do something to help others......I've been retired some 8+ years and plan to stay that way.......We worked a combined 78 years  and most of that was pensionable........Surgery is the end of the month, back Golfing March 1.....

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I think the volunteering is very admirable.  Gwen does that too and I think Kay volunteers to keep her church's books.  They would have me keeping the prison's books if I had to handle money.  We had 80 years combined and it was all pension too.  I guess that is what you call retirement.  I did work awhile after retiring from the state job where they give me Social Security too.  Don't want to work anymore.  My mind would not stay with it anyhow.  

Good luck with the surgery.  With your attitude I know it will go great.  

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Kevin,

I'm glad you'll be getting your surgery over with soon.  I hope you find volunteer work that brings you joy.  The church treasury job is my way of giving back to my church but it's very much like working only without pay.  I also volunteer at the Senior Site setting up the bingo prizes, etc., it involves lifting boxes and physical work, which most of the seniors can't do.  I so enjoy being around them, they are so much fun!  They always need drivers, help cleaning, help in the kitchen, help checking people in, anything you can do they can find a use for.  You might try your local senior site. (Senior & Disabilities Services).  We have lunch two days a week but in the city they have it five days a week.  We have Bingo also but some do not.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Finally back from Hip Surgery and I am sore.....Without the help of a special friend and others my recovery should start proceeding....First two nights the drug induced dreams were worth the ticket...Should be driving after New Years      Takecare

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Kevin,

Wishing you the best as you recover.  I'm so glad the surgery is over, it must be a huge relief to you.  Now to have the recovery part behind you!  You should be a new man next year! :)

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Thank you all for your words......Weather starting to turn cool but that won't effect me for a bit.....Like someone stated, thing will get better every day after surgery, and they are.....I'm on only minor painkillers now, and that is good sign.....

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It is a good sign.  Please stay off the ice.  You know I am writing to a person in Canada and I am in the deep south.  My  cousin wrote me they had their first snow last night and she lives on Lake Michigan.  I do know 175 miles above where I live now it was colder than it is here.  So take it easy.  Let us hear from you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Good morning......KayC and Gwen, a little cool out there......Saw Doc for removal of stitches and the once over.......gave me go ahead to proceed to next steps of recovery which is walking with limited assistance(cane)........nothing physical for at least three weeks..but otherwise boredom is my biggest problem....I hope this deep freeze isn't effecting too many....Merry Christmas...........new Grandson born.......see him in 10 days

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Congratulations Kevin, on all fronts.  Boredom is good.  I always said that was how I wanted to die, of boredom.  Went in my shirt sleeves out to the washateria a few minutes ago.  Louisiana weather.  Could be snowing tomorrow, but we always know it won't last long.  

Merry Christmas to you, and send us pictures of new grandson..  

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