hollowheart Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 I want to ask everyone what do you miss the most about losing your partner? I know the obvious is just losing them in general, but I was reading the "alone" thread and everyone was talking about the lack of calls and friends that disappeared. It reminded me that I talked to a lot of my friends sporadically anyway, as I always had my built in social life right next door. I never cared about anyone contacting me, now the silence is deafening. What I miss the most is how I never noticed how I didn't talk to certain friends that often. I had my entertainment anytime I wanted her. And even if I was bored I could go to her and SHE might have something to do or say and--boom--boredom gone. I definitely miss having nothing to look forward too at the end of the day or on weekends. That hurts like a physical pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 I miss his soul. About me, I miss being smiley and joyful. I find hard to smile, to be talkative, I am a shadow of my old self. Overall, I miss my past when he was here. Who am I now that he is gone? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 I miss also being hopeful about the future. I mean, I am realistic and pragmatic, but I had plans, sort of a road map. You understand when I say that life literally explode, that I exploded. I am like those cities which are bombed in war times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amiss Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 I miss his smile,sarcasm and wit. I miss his blue eyes, blonde hair and the way he called by my pet name. I miss him shopping, dining and sleeping with me. There is nothing I do that I don't miss him. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 At my age, I miss the companionship, comfort, and stability of the one person who loved me unconditionally for 40+ years, despite all my bad habits. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 I still miss coming home from work and being greeted by that smile and a drink waiting for me if she knew it been a hard one. Yes that smile and her sweet voice saying "Hi hon!". That is what I miss the most. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I miss him holding me the very most. I miss his smell, I miss being able to talk with him about anything. I miss the great love we had together, being able to express it. Katpilot, my George used to always call and say, "Hi, Hon", I still hear him in my mind... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 In the healthy days, the day would start with the first up starting the coffee, we would meet in the hallway with a hug, and convene at the kitchen table. This is where we would make our daily plan and talk about anything.......hopefully close with a kiss and plan to meet later........Every Wed. played trivia game at pub and every second weekend 4 grandkids showed up for a sleep over........and every other weekend was a two night date .......People, life was good.................... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I miss his Irish humor. He always made me laugh. I still miss how it felt when he hugged me. I miss telling him how my day went. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I miss everything about my wife. she would "light up" when she saw me. I miss her healing and loving touch. She would pray over me as I headed out each day for work. I could feel her energy and electricity flow through, energize me, heal my sore body and calm my soul. Yeah, I really miss the communication, companionship, and genuine love she expressed to me. I could sure use her touch to heal my body aches now! Shalom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I miss the times I would b*tch at him about things that annoyed me and he would say....'aw, you would miss me if I was gone' with that charming smile of his. He was so right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 Thanks everyone for answering. I miss the conversation and companionship so much I feel like it's threatening my sanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I miss Deedo's childlike energy; the way she greeted each day with wonderment and joy; the excitement she had for our children and grandchildren; her zany approach to everything and everyone. She left behind her "Book of Secrets" and one of her secrets was her conviction that "Children are what all adults truly wish they could be." For Deedo she always was and always will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 Oh Brad that so resonates with me. I hope Deedo has met up with my mom. Mom dedicated her life to the care of the under 5 year olds. She said she often preferred them to adults with their innocence and wonder at the world. They will love each other Brad! xx In answer to the question Hollow Heart, it is so difficult to narrow it down. I miss the beautiful soul within that was so very visible to me. He was kind. That is an over used word as not many people when you stop and think about it are actually kind. I miss his humour of course, and his ability to be almost childlike over the life's simplest pleasure, like the smell of rice cooking, tending to his strawberry plants and feeding the wild birds. I miss his unfettered and demostrative adoration of our son. I miss the fact that physically he was an alpha male that would cry at any sad news involving children the less fortunate. I miss him coming to the office with my lunch even though he had to go out of his way and I didn't ask him for it. I miss the fact that he told me he loved me 10 times a day. Sorry I am getting carried away, because like all of you I know, I could go on forever, because what makes love? What actually singles your soulmate out from the rest? It is a 1000+ little things that touch the heart. Most of all my soul misses its mate. Not for nothing do they say 'your other half' I know that now xxxx 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I miss her always making me feel wanted and always cuddling up to my in any situation. My bride. I miss her. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I just miss life. Without him this is only a shell existence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 5 hours ago, debi.williams said: Most of all my soul misses its mate. Not for nothing do they say 'your other half' I know that now xxxx It is the soul that is so desperately missing what makes it complete isn't it. For a while I was feeling like I was seeing progress but now the last few days have been lonely, empty, desolate and barren. I don't know if I've been fooling myself or is it I've lost the ability to distract my focus. I feel Deedo's absence in everything I do: shopping for groceries and I'm poignantly aware she's not there; working out at the gym but fighting back tears; laying a fire in the woodstove for tonight because she's not there to make me warm. I so miss the light that used to radiate throughout the house; now I walk from room to room leaving on the lights so it doesn't seem so dark and lonely. My soul aches for that it is missing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 Brad, i do the same thing as I live in our home. Despite my son DIL and two grandsons living here too, it feels so quiet without Mary. It will probably still feel this way when my granddaughter is born. It's a terrible aching silence. Hugs Butch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 I miss his voice telling me the most beautiful words he always used to say...I miss his sms inclusive of decribing that he loves me in every message sent to me...I miss the greatest love showing for each other...I miss everything of himself...above all...so endlessly...and forever... Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 5 hours ago, Brad said: I so miss the light that used to radiate throughout the house; now I walk from room to room leaving on the lights so it doesn't seem so dark and lonely... My dear Brad, I do understand.I do the same.I turn on the lights until I go to bed.Some progress including "smiling again" I do see after 4 years long is that now I can finally "turn off the lights,lamp bedside and TV" in my room before I fall asleep.It was impossible formerly.It goes very slowly,little by little,but somehow I carry on.You will too.I´m sure.You are a great person.I´m here for you whenever you feel like this to help you go on. PS:Just remember that "my spirit moves you"... Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 I miss being together and not having to say a word. Miss his understanding and acceptance of me no matter what. I miss watching the news on TV and commenting to each other and talking (yelling) at news stories. I miss him driving us on errands and senic drives. I miss his funny faces. I miss our life together. I miss everything! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 With all the words we've used here on this topic, you found the only one really needed.....everything. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 My post would be too long if I put into it everything I miss about Mark. It still feels like yesterday that I lost him. I miss my daily call at lunch, and hearing his voice that made everything right when I was having a hard day. I miss being able to wrap my arms around him when I would walk up behind him. I miss all the discussions and debates we had. His absence is sometimes SO HUGE that I just want to hide in the corner. I waited my whole life for him, and once we met, he became my whole world. Oh, how I miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 18 hours ago, Brad said: I don't know if I've been fooling myself or is it I've lost the ability to distract my focus. I feel Deedo's absence in everything I do: shopping for groceries and I'm poignantly aware she's not there; working out at the gym but fighting back tears; laying a fire in the woodstove for tonight because she's not there to make me warm. Yep. This. You nailed it. I actually think a lot of the time I have been fooling myself, and for the last week it hasn't been working. You really hit it for me when you said your Deedo's presence was absent in everything you do. I get that and that makes day to day so hard! When me and my sister used to shop we'd be in separate aisles and I'd just call out her name if I knew she was nearby to see where she was, right in the middle of the store, and she'd be right in the next aisle calling me back. It's just something I thought about about and miss. I miss finding something and going to show her and get her opinion. You are so right in being poignantly aware that they are not there. This is what made me mad when friends would try to push me forward. There was no escape from how my life had changed. It wasn't like I saw my sister twice a year, so I could deal with it better. Daily interactions down to nothing. I just can't handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 I think this is what people mean when they say it gets better...what I mean when I say it got better for me. Not that it's ever great or ever the same again, it isn't, but it's made more tolerable by the fact that little by little I adjusted to this new life, to his absence. I can't say when it happened, it's been 10 1/2 years now, but after about three years is what I had to live with, I don't think it changed much after that, but the timeline will be different for everyone. At some point when the phone rang I no longer expected to hear his voice. At some point when the door opened I no longer looked, expecting to see him. At some point I got used to sleeping alone although I took to sleeping in the recliner, with my animals nearby, instead of the bed that just served as an empty reminder of his absence. It took me a year to watch a movie all the way through. It took ten years to get back my ability to read a book all the way through. It was a couple of months before I could go buy groceries on my own, because we did it together. And it hurt like the dickens to bag them up myself. It's still hard to watch couples grocery shop together. Whenever something big hits, loss of job, major home repair, surgery, etc., it hits hard as I have to go through it alone instead of having him there with me. Holidays too, as I wake up alone and often go through the whole holiday alone. It was months before I could go to church without it hurting. I am on the morning worship team and am up on the platform and was used to looking out at him in the congregation, seeing his big smile. It was so hard to look out and see an empty place where he always sat...and worse yet, see someone sitting in his place. I had to start sitting on the opposite end of the church. Some things are forever reminders, like putting up the Christmas tree. Sometimes I really need to talk things over with him or have him hold me and I can't. The last time my kids were here I realized after they left I forgot to hug them...I'm no longer used to touch. That's sad. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now