Loneliness, Emptiness, Meaninglessness

[Guest]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

so I hope they find something good you can eat!

I wish I could eat. Haven't had anything but some crushed ice since Wednesday afternoon. Once I can eat it will be clear liquids for awhile. Broth is broth and Jello is Jello so it will be hard the mess them up when I can eat. 

My experience with hospital food is it would taste okay but I always seem to get it when it is tepid at best and by then it won't win any prizes. This is my first stay at Mayo- Deedo was here lots but by then she was on a G Tube so we will need to wait and see how good and how hot the food is. 

[kayc]

  Well I wish I was there to fix you some good broth at least!  It has to be homemade to have the nutrients and flavor.

[brat#2]

Brad, I'm so glad you had a good time at DL, but not so glad that you are in the hospital.  Hope you get to feeling better soon and get to go home.  Keep us updated.  Sending you hugs.

Joyce

 

[KATPILOT]

One good thing about where you are Brad is that the Mayo hospital has won hospital of the year awards several times for cleanliness and staff.  You can't say much about hospital food though so I guess no great loss. I like Scottsdale United  formally Banner Osborn. I spent  a couple of weeks there and they are right next to Los Olivos so my wife brought me my favorite food.  I did the same later on for my step mom. Be as comfortable as you can, get well, and don't forget if you need anything, I'm not far away.

[Guest]

I've been in and out of several hospitals in Utah and Arizona and Mayo is by far and away the best. The staff from volunteers through maintenance, nurses and doctors are among the kindest, friendliest and most accommodating people I've ever met. When my GI retired in 2014 I was so impressed with the Mayo I moved all of my care to them. The thing I like most is how informed they all are with my care. A unique concept but doctors who actually talk to other doctors about my treatment. 

I receive faster emergency care by driving four hours to the Mayo ED than I do driving 15 minutes to my local hospital. 

This is why the Mayo is recognized as one of, if not the best medical facility in the US. 

[Margm]

Brad, hope things are going great.  That ER waiting time means life or death, so I won't go into it any further.  But happy to hear you are better. 

[kevin]

Low fibre will be different.....so you are on high protein and milk?......You sound pretty good....do you have a medic alert set up or 911 on speed dial?...Best wishes and speedy recovery...... kevin

[KATPILOT]

And for you  Brad, the clinic is even closer. Because Kath's cancer was so rare, we went to the Mayo because they were the best. Sadly it didn't work out and frankly they just didn't have enough time. But the brain trust is awesome. I remember when they first built the clinic and I was lucky enough to get to frame and install the artwork. They had this room with a large table and chairs all around with TV cameras above and microphones so the doctors there could talk with the doctors in Rochester to share ideas and thoughts for treatment.  I don't know why it is but I know a few doctors from there who are customers of mine and they love their work. They love being there. It's not like any other clinic in the country.

If it hadn't been for a good customer of mine who was on the board. I would never have gotten Kathy out of Canada. She would have died in that dreary dark hospital during a snow storm. The Mayo couldn't accept her because they were full and you can't be transported without a receiving hospital. I hated to ask for that favor but Charles told me if I ever needed anything......so I called him. One hour later an administrator called me and told me an air ambulance was going to pick Kathy up in Calgary and bring her even if they had to put her in a hallway. I knew it was grim but dear God I wanted her home. At least she was able to die in the Hospice home  out of pain. I will never forget what that man did for us. When I greeted  him at Kathy's celebration of life party, I truly lost it.  I had no idea that would be the last time I would see him for he died suddenly two weeks later. I grieve him too.

[kayc]

Steve, that is so hard.  I'm glad you called him, and at least she could be home.  I've often wished George could have died at home with me by his side,but of course he had to try, he wouldn't have known if he could have made it if he hadn't tried.

[KATPILOT]

That's right Kay. You have to try.  They wouldn't let me stay in her room at night up in Calgary and that was the worst time because I knew she was hurting and they didn't tend to her. At least at the Sherman House they let me stay and so I was sleeping next to her when she left. That's the funny  thing. I slept so little but she waited for me to nod off before she would go. That silly girl, always thinking about me.  I'll be thinking of you tomorrow Kay and that horrible last day.

[KarenK]

It's 10 Pm and I just came in from watering the yard. It's 103 down from 115. I wonder if Trump thought he had gone to hell when he stepped off the plane today. I try to water every other night, but am probably just watering the dirt.  lol

 I have never had reason to go to Mayo. The majority of Ron's care was with Banner health Systems in various hospitals in Phoenix Metro. I'm close to Scottsdale Osborn and as you say Steve, the food is not bad, but the care leaves a ton to be desired. My son was born there, my father died there, and it is the hospital that hastened Ron's death. I only use it for dire emergencies.

Brad, I hope things are much better for you today and you will be on your way home soon. Like Steve, I'm close if you need anything.

I long for the good ol' days when things were simple to fix. The parts inside my toilet tank were worn out and the toilet was constantly running. It was the arm that raised the float. The toilet  is probably 25 years old. I thought "No Problem". Shut the valve off, replace that one big piece and be done with it. WRONG. My son came over for an early Father's Day dinner and to replace the part. You now have to completely remove the tank, take all the parts out and replace them. That's what you get when you live in a very old house. Toilet is fine now, but the connector from the toilet to the wall valve is now leaking. Wasn't before, is now. Good thing I have a lot of scrap towels to soak op the leak. Fixing that will be a Tuesday job. GRRR!

[kayc]

Oh Karen, I'm so sorry, I hate stuff like that and all the more so since my son no longer lives nearby.   My toilets are 38 years old and one has never been worked on!  I am scared to touch it for fear of starting a leak!  I hope it goes well on Tuesday.

Sorry about the heat!  It was 40 this morning so 60 inside the house, I built a small fire to bring it up to the 70s.  It's supposed to get to 75 today, which sounds about perfect to me.  It poured rain like I've never seen yesterday!

[Guest]

A quick update - NG tube was removed last night. Starting clear liquids this morning. Should be discharged either this afternoon or tomorrow. ?  Then head home where the high should only be 99.

 

 

[Gin]

Brad,.  Glad things are looking up.  Hope your A/c is working!

Gin

[Margm]

Brad, first off, let me say I am glad you are going home.  NG tube, clear liquids?  Let us hear how you are doing, okay? 

Karen, in the nearly 55 years I lived with Billy, we never lived at a place that had an adequate working commode, except in the RV's  Had five of them, lived in four off and on. I could make remarks about the size of my behind.  I cannot deny my part in faulty commodes.  Even the apartment one, the water just kept on running.  We have a fix-it  man for the apartments, but I know how to get around this problem.  Now your leak, that I would definitely have to have a Mr. Fix-it somewhere around.  My fixes.........duct tape and gorilla glue.  I can sometimes even screw in screws if I hold my hand still.  Now a hammer, hey, I am deadly with a hammer, to me, the wall, windows.  A congenital tremor is not conducive to fixing anything.  Like I said, just happy my life's ambition was not to be a doctor, nurse, or waitress.   

[KarenK]

Marg, we are alike. I am good at "jerry rigging" things. As long as I have my WD-40, duct tape(comes in nifty colors now), Super Glue, and half a brain, I can usually fix things adequately. I really am not mechanically inclined though and don't have much strength anymore. Ron could do anythng and I've picked up a little knowledge over the years. I don't know how many times he lost patience with me because I couldn't grasp a concept.

Am thinking this new leak just needs a washer replaced, but don't EVEN ask me to work on a car past filling the gas tank or windshield washer.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Gin said:

Hope your A/c is working!

Gin

Gin - that is the catch- I don't have an AC.   Living at 7,000 feet there's generally no need for one. By the time I get home it will be warm but then it'll cool down to the sixties by the time I go to bed so I'll leave the windows open and let the mountain air cool things down. ?

[kayc]

Brad, I'm only at 2420 but I do the same thing, open up windows at night, close them in the day.  It's supposed to heat back up next week, ugh.

[Gin]

My neighbor called and was telling me all the people who come over to her house.  She is tired of cooking for them and listening to their problems.  I told her that I wished I had people coming here.  She said,"I guess you might get lonely a little bit".   A little bit???   She still has her husband , one daughter living with her, one daughter a mile away and 2 grandchildren close by.  Not many (or none) really know what it is like to lose the absolute love of your life.  Another friend told me to find another man, at least for companionship.  I do not want anyone but Al, and since I cannot have him, I will be alone.  This sure is a hard road we are all on.

[Gwenivere]

People just don't think before they speak, Gin.  I guess it has always been that way, but it was about mundane day to day things. The advice spigot gets turned on in these crisis for some  reason when that is the very time people should take heed they know not what they are talking about.  Get lonely a bit???  Talk about an understatement.  And oh.....a male companion.  That is by far the worst!

[ChinUp54]

My mother remarried 4 months after my father passed away. He was a widower she's known since junior high school, but reconnected with after he sent her condolences on my father's passing.  I admire Gwenivere and Gin's devotion and love for their husbands. My mother couldn't be alone after my dad was gone.  Needless to say it was a bit difficult to have her rush into a new marriage so quickly after being married to my dad for 50 plus years.  Luckily for her it's worked out as the 5th anniversary of dad's death was last week, and the 5th anniversary of her marriage is in October.  Grief is simply tough and everyone deals with it in their own way.  I too wish people would think before they speak - including myself.

[Gwenivere]

I think it is a gut feeling, ChinUp.  No one wants to be alone and I know some have found others to love.  I don't know if it is so much devotion but knowing that no one could ever fit into my heart and life as he did.  My mother remarried when I was 4 after losing my father.  It's obviously not age as you said, your mom spent 5o years with your dad.  All I know is my path is to learn to live alone now.  There are so little certainties in all this, but for me I know that is one.  Not saying I like it.  I could be proven wrong, but I'd be very surprised if I were.  I think sometimes you know what your challenge is going to be.  Plus, I don't want to do this again.  I think that fear of possibly giving and losing is bigger than than fear of being alone.  I hope this helps your mom.  Some people do need that companionship and there are no right wrong rules in any of this.

[mittam99]

Chinup, I think you'll find the group of us that regularly post in the "spouse" forum are a bit different than many others who have lost their spouses. We truly married (or were in relationships with) our soul mate. It's a love and a connection like no other. Personally, I can't even fathom being in a relationship with anyone else. My wife Tammy was my once in a lifetime gift from God. 

[Gin]

Mitch,

i feel the same way.   He was a god send to me!

[mittam99]

Gin, I just want to touch on the issue of insensitive people that you mentioned earlier. The neighbor mentioning that you must get lonely "a little bit".

Of course what she said is absurd, ludicrous even. And I totally get it made your blood boil. A year ago, if I heard that I would have been in a state of shock at the insensitivity of it. Somewhere along the way though, I've learned to just roll with it. Maybe it's the fact that I work with the public and have been hit hard over and over with similar "caring but stupid" remarks. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that unless someone had a loss like ours, nothing they say really matters. They simply blurt out what they think is "profound". That's the crazy thing, they actually think they're being helpful.

So, you know what I do when I hear the ridiculous comments and cliches and remarks? I give them a fake "understanding" look and inside I think "they don't have a clue" or "you're an idiot" and I'm good to go.

Our lives are too hard and too painful already. Let those insensitive remarks be their problem, not yours.