Froggie4635 Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 No Mitch... I was just stating it is not just men who were "conditioned" regarding showing and expressing emotions. It has always been stereotypical that men be strong and not cry and be emotional. Am not sure what point I was trying to make... but there are some women out there who had to learn to be comfortable with showing/dealing with emotions. As I said, it is great to be among men who can. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 The sun is shining here in our temperate rain forest after a few days of refreshing rain. Things look better with the dusting off and a cool drink - the plants, not me. As my surrounding are looking better I am feeling better. The world can be such a cruel place and many people are oblivious to everything that is not about them. Misunderstandings happen, life often just sucks. I am so glad we can come here and receive the comfort, encouragement, and understanding that we need. I don't like using the word 'sucks', seems immature to me. I'm having a brain fart and need suggestions, please. May each of us find some meaning and purpose today. To feel good about something and maybe have a few minutes without the loneliness... My wish Marita 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 15 minutes ago, Widowedbysuicide said: I don't like using the word 'sucks', seems immature to me. I'm having a brain fart and need suggestions, please. "Sucks" is actually the perfect choice. Try and think of any other single word that describes it more accurately. I've tried. Smoke comes out of my ears and my brain hurts. Dreadful-horrible-atrocious-painful-meaningless-wretched-miserable-lonely-awful-abysmal-empty... is that a word? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 Maryann brings up a good point. I was raised in a home that seriously frowned on display of any negative emotion, especially anger. They replaced it with passive aggressiveness and that was something I had to unlearn when I left because I was a master at it. Even Steve called me in for a very long time. He pointed out it was more hurtful than showing anger. I was afraid of anger. Anyone's. That is not a problem anymore in my life. I can step into the ring with the best of them now. I had to learn to tame it a bit so that others could 'hear' me. No good if you just make the other person defensive. Also where to correctly direct it. Nature vs, nurture plays a very big part in who we started out as. Luckily we can adapt, learn and change. It took me a long time to accept compliments without feeling I should tell the person why I didn't deserve it. This us why I love dogs and other more evolved animals. They don't overthink this stuff. They deal with it and move on. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 My folks did not curse, My dad's folks pointed to the dish you pass, and no one talked. Belching and other bodily functions were not done. You went off by yourself if this was to happen. Billy did not grow up this way and he did do things my way. I wish that had not been so. Now Mama's family had fork and knife fights at the table. We just sat down to three meals a day, got up, the day was done. Billy's family were very violent. I had so much fun. And I'm sorry ya'll, there are some southern words I use that others don' like, and "ain't" is one of them. Words make up me. I am not an English major or a professional writer and lots of my words are not even in the urban dictionary. I do say bitch often, and a few more colorful words, but there are some I just cannot say. Just a redneck cultural throwback. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 I almost feel as if I have been very naïve. I had no idea so many women grew up in that kind of environment. I think I was lucky. I didn't have that growing up. I did however come to believe that "big boys don't cry". So stereotypically, I grew up. (in years old) My first most dysfunctional marriage found me in marriage counseling for twelve years. That's right. I said twelve years. You see some counselors aren't very good just like in any profession and during that span of time, I never got angry. I was asked, when are you going to get mad?, several times over those years. How do you ask an enabler to get angry in an alcoholic dysfunctional situation? When I was divorced, I saw a new psychologist who dealt with alcoholic families and codependency. When she asked me when I was going to get angry, I allowed myself. I had a long way to go to get where I was when I met Kathy. Timing was perfect. It had to be . So Maryann I guess my point is that I sure took a long time. I had to lose my wife to get rid of that issue. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 So Lucy (Marg), "Splain me this"... (you have to read that with Ricky Ricardo's voice in your head)... What happened at the table if you were eating and a burp just came up naturally? Did your parents send you to your room? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 All gone. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 Steve, you could have learned that word (obama) a while back if you checked out this post I made: Update: I see you deleted it, Steve. I honestly don't think any rednecks or Marty would have been offended. Humor is actually very therapeutic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 LIB (well I'll be) Now I remember where I saw it Mitch. Should have given you credit my friend but my ditsy brain can't remember where I saw stuff. I just know what makes me laugh. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 That is okay Steve, we have those Obama jokes all around. I hate politics so any of them are funny. (And, I knew that one). They never could make up jokes about Jindal, the governor other than call him Genitalia, which was my name for him anyhow. Just to show you my politics, our Gov. Edwin Edwards went to prison. If he had not been so old when he came out I would have voted for him again. He was our Robin Hood. Crooked yes, but he didn't keep it all for himself, he spread it around (money too). Fastest zipper in the south. I know all politicians are crooked, but he is one I would just keep voting for, if it was legal. With all the choices we have now, he was the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 I don' 42 minutes ago, mittam99 said: So Lucy (Marg), "Splain me this"... (you have to read that with Ricky Ricardo's voice in your head)... What happened at the table if you were eating and a burp just came up naturally? Did your parents send you to your room? Don't remember it happening.. I do remember my little sister in her high chair getting a hold of cayenne peppers and throwing up. I think that was excused, but supper was ruined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 Now, I did not say it happened at mine and Billy's table. We had lots of excitement.. Kelli cooked once, Billy complained, she jerked his plate up and threw it down the disposal. And, sometimes if someone got more of something than was their share, it might come to an argument. Always reminded me of feeding a bunch of hound dogs sometimes.. So, that was past families, not mine and Billy's family. In fact, you had to watch out for a fork sticking in your hand if you reached for the last piece of steak. And no one could out belch Kelli. Better explain, my dad's family were quiet. Mom's family fought. My family just ate quietly, nothing gregarious. Billy's family got rambunctious. Mine and his combined family, the four of us, it was no holds barred.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Marty, that article was so good, I hope everyone takes the time to read it. I could really see what they were talking about! Steve, thanks for letting us know that Brad is home, although I'm sorry he's under the weather. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Just a minor correction. I did get back from DL and had a wonderful time but then Wed. Night went into an obstruction so now I'm hospitalized in Phoenix trying to resolve the obstruction. Joys of Crohn's Disease. Also going back on a low fiber diet - ugh. No fresh fruits or veggies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muggs138 Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 It was 9 months yesterday, and it feels like his death just happened. Like I am stuck in some sort of place where time just stands still. I do not feel anything but sadness and heartache every day and night. Even after 9 months I cannot get over him not being next to me in the bed, its a very lonely feeling. You are with someone for years, you have been sleeping next to them, and then just one day they are gone, and now you have to learn to just be alone by yourself now. Some days I don't even know how I do it... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Brad, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you get home soon. Muggs, I'm so sorry things are so painful. It is a very difficult journey and I hope you start to see some light in the darkness that is grief. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Thanks Mitch. Not a big deal just a royal pain - figuratively and quite literally. Can't wait to get the NG tube out and maybe eating again some day. Plus caffeine withdrawal has given me a horrible headache. A positive is I'll need to switch to decaf so next time won't be quite so rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 51 minutes ago, Muggs138 said: Some days I don't even know how I do it... None so us do. But somehow we do it. I think the hardest thing is knowing you have to do it again tomorrow. If only we could know there was an end. It supposedly gets better (I'm not there yet), but it's a long waiting game. I just keep reminding myself that nothing that has ever happened in my life compares to this. I don't even think winning one of those super lottos and the excitement could even come close to the pain this brings. This targets the heart with unrelenting energy. It's like it never sleeps. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Brad, I'm so sorry to learn of your illness and being hospitalized ~ NOT a fun place to be! Here's hoping you get well soon! As I hope you can see, you are sorely missed by all the members of your GHDG family ♥ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Brad, Maybe I have skipped around too much, but I felt your presence was not here. I'm sorry you have been ill. Hope things are better soon. I do not like the sound of having to have the NG tube. Let us know how your doing. Muggs, today it is eight months without Billy. I bought him a husband's Father's day card just like I always did. I will keep it by his urn. I put up curtains today. He would not have approved. My hands shake and I dropped the screws so many times I just finally nailed them in. You can imagine. They look okay. I will stay Monday night so I can be early enough for Suddenlink Tuesday morning. Won't let you have dishes on the apartments. My daughter has better service than I get with DISH anyhow.. We have had DISH as long as it was offered. Sad, but so busy with family and distractions, Billy is probably happy he does not have to make decisions a bout my mama, Scott cannot get the RV off the truck, then he tried to use his ATM card and there was no money, things are going about par here. I get to go try to finish up that other house on the 22nd. Maybe 23rd. Unless something else happens. I really don't plan ahead. If it happens, good. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Brad, I'm so sorry! The one good thing about hospitals is their food (at least ours is), so I hope they find something good you can eat! I hope you're home soon, it's hard to rest in hospitals! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Brad,. We have missed you and glad you are getting the care you need. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 5 hours ago, kayc said: The one good thing about hospitals is their food (at least ours is)... Kay that's not the case around here. I've eaten many "guest trays" during Tammy's numerous hospital stays and have to say the food was pretty bad to awful. I don't think our hospitals locally are getting any Michelin stars. ------------- Marg, I'm always amazed by how much you have on your plate and how well you handle everything thrown your way. I know you're hurting emotionally though. You are an inspiration to many here with the way you go about your life. No doubt Billy's giving you two thumbs up from heaven. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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