How Long In The Fog?

[Froggie4635]

Feeling a little sad hearing about the loss of Glenn Fry.  Mark and I LOVED the Eagles...and it kind of feels like a small connection to Mark is now gone.  Mark and I grew up in two different parts of the country, but liked this same band and listened to it at the same time.  Mark quoted one of their songs in a letter he wrote to me for our anniversary.  It just makes me miss him a little bit more this morning.  If he were here, we would be grieving Glenn's loss by sharing memories we had of our favorite Eagle songs and what they meant to us. 

[Guest]

In happier days saw the Eagles and Nora Jones at Austin City Limits. Always enjoyed both; still do. 

[KATPILOT]

Funny thing about music right? We have such a connection with songs we all shared. We could start a new thread just about this topic. We seem to have lost quite a few icons over this last year. One that truly got me was James Horner. His music brings to mind so many movies made so much more powerful because of him. It's also funny how young they were when you get to be our age. I'm the same age as Glenn Fry and yet here Iam still hanging around while their voices are silenced now. Makes you think doesn't it? I relate so much to music and so many memories are built with songs in them. I guess that's why they become triggers. Kathy loved Nora Jones Brad and I have a lot of her cd's that I put on once in a while. Those were part of her music that I never gave much thought to untill she left. Now I relate on a different level.  Maryann I get how you feel about Mark and the lyrics. I think music connects us to feelings and gives them a voice. 

[Froggie4635]

Dear KAT...

Mark would quote lyrics to me, or sing lines from favorite songs when the mood struck him.  Like you, I felt the same way about Jimmy Buffett.  Mark was a true Parrot Head, and he was SO PROUD to take me to my first Jimmy Buffett concert.  We had such a good time, and I gave him some very warm memories, too that we laughed about long after  the show.  I haven't really allowed myself to listen to Jimmy at all, except for one song of his which was pretty recent.  I have among the collection of t-shirts that will one day go into his quilt many from Mr. Buffett.  Music spoke to both us us...Mark loved to tinkle the ivories on his piano, which is still at his mom's house.  He LOVED Scott Joplin and Ragtime.  There are many things I have not immersed myself yet that were true Mark.  Just feeling the blues this morning.

[Guest]

Yes Steve, music can transport us back to happier times unlike any other medium. I hear a song and I'm twenty-five meeting Deedo for the first time. 

I also love James Horner's work. How The Grinch Stole Christmas was one of Deedo's all time favorites and the soundtrack was perfect for it. 

The past couple of weeks have been crazy with Natalie Cole, Celine Dion's husband and brother in two days, and David Bowie, all from cancer. Then Glenn Frey from complications from ulcerative colitis and pneumonia. That hits home with my Crohn's Disease. But then I find myself much more sensitive to death and mourning for those I've never met nor known. Actually I'm mourning more for their families knowing now what they must be going through.  

[Gwenivere]

The Eagles had a large impact in my life.  So many songs with so many memories of things I was experiencing at the time.  I was in my early 20's when they were hot and doing all the crazy things people do at that age.  Take It Easy is always a big memory because I was driving back and forth from Albuquerque to Phoenix and had to pass thru Winslow. Always looking for that flatbed Ford.    Music is so primal and I can't listen to it right now.  I have now. also, reached the age that I heard my parents talking about people that were influential in their lives dying.  Never fathomed it would happened to us immortal young things.  

[Margm]

I have some CD's that Billy did not like.. I loved Mickey Gillly,  Johnny Rodriguez, and Elvis, of course, so I play them in the truck sometimes.  Right now music makes me sadder, except rap, which just makes me mad.  But that is not music.

[Gwenivere]

Careful, Marg.  You could be seen as that old guy/gal yelling at kids to get off his lawn.    

I hate rap/hip hop too, but it is now a form of music from a younger generation.  Someday some old folks will be listening to that in their old age and another generation will have created something else.  My parents thought my icons like the Eagles, ELO, Fleetwood Mac, Bowie, Creedence, Little River Band and even Elton John were just 'noise'.  Rap would have driven them over the edge!

[Guest]

My folks thought Debussey, Rachmaninoff, Tschaikowski and of course The Beatles were noise too. If it didn't come from the Jazz Era or Rodgers and Hammerstein musical it wasn't worth listening to. Fortunately my Grandpa loved Classical music and shared it with me. And of course The Beatles found that by using an orchestra to back them up they added a new dimension to Rock. 

I still have a hard time seeing an aging couple climbing in an elevator and having an Eminen piece come on Muzak grabbing each other's hands and looking moonie-eyed at each other saying "Oh Hon, Listen it's our song."

[Margm]

I used to (when I was by myself) sing along with the CD of "Phantom of the Opera" in the truck driving to the big city.

[Guest]

Marg

I'm impressed. I like the musical and listen to it as part of my playlist but would never attempt to sing to it. But then I never could carry a tune. 

[Margm]

I cannot sing.  My dad did not let that stop him.  In her third grade picture, my granddaughter was asked what she would like to do in the future.  She said to go to NYC and see all the Broadway musicals.  They were so impressed, they featured her.  Hey, some of us rednecks have class.  

[kayc]

Sure rap is music, it takes talent...it's the only kind of "music" I don't like!  I'm old too!

[kevin]

Early 60's I was big Beach Fan(still am)........I was humming this tune that was on the radio.....my mother Piped up, what's that your listening too....I said new song "Sloop John B".....She replied,Your GrandMother can play that song on the Piano.........she was right, it was written 1917.........I think, with some personal arrangements, talented musicians can make the best of each generations hits, and re release them.... 

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, Brad said:

I still have a hard time seeing an aging couple climbing in an elevator and having an Eminen piece come on Muzak grabbing each other's hands and looking moonie-eyed at each other saying "Oh Hon, Listen it's our song."

Well, Brad, eons ago I never thought hearing Urgent by Foreigner would still 'light my fire' at 60.  But it does.  

[KarenK]

I like most types of music, but Country is in my soul. As Barbara Mandrell sang, "I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool". In a little record shop in Jackson Hole in 1958, I bought my first records(45's, no less). "Please Help Me I'm Falling" by Hank Locklin and "A Boy Named Sue", by Johnny Cash. Had a little old Victrola that I played to death.

Man how time flies whether you're having fun or not.

[kayc]

Karen, we're of the same cloth, I am COUNTRY all the way!  I like other music too, but really feel country.  George was the same way, he had eclectic taste in music, liked everything but rap, but country was #1.

Music is still hard for me, I played our CDs a lot early on, crying to them, but it's hard, it stirs up old pain.  We have a wedding CD my son made for us when we got married that had some of our favorite love songs on it (we had a LOT of "our songs"!), and it's still painful to listen to.

[hollowheart]

6 hours ago, TH said:

I relate to this so much, Brad. I feel such pain when I read of deaths...

My sister and I were always like this, so it makes me sad that there is no one now I can tell who will care. I remember the Sandy Hook shooting happened during our Christmas Party and I was so sad and immediately texted her and we were talking about it. I have absolutely no one in my life that I know would care if I texted them and definitely no one who would text me first. Just sad now.

To chime in on the music, my favorite is 80's music and beyond. Mostly pop, dance, house and Rock. I enjoy rap from the 90's and some rap today. I was a black teen in the 90's so that was pretty much my era, I'm "Old school" in that regard. Every generation of music listeners can't imagine how anyone can like the next generations music.

[Froggie4635]

Well, I am missing being in the fog now.  I fell apart today.  We had our staff luncheon.  The last one we had, 14 months ago, Mark died the day after it.  I was doing good...clapping at the announcements and the award presentations.  Then the final one came.  It is a special one, one that is not unveiled until the winner's name is announced.  Part of the surprise is that the winner's spouse is there to take part.  I won the award a few years ago, and Mark was there to see it.  Today, they had all us previous winners stand...and when the new winner was awarded, and her husband walked over and gave her flowers, I could feel my wall of "control" begin to break loose.  I made sure to hug the winner; her and her husband had been present at our wedding almost 7 years ago.  I made it through my office door before I started to cry.  Someone must have went to my boss, because she came in to offer to bring me home. I was being so strong...trying all day to NOT think about it.  You can only hide for so long. 

[Gwenivere]

I don't know how you did this at all!  It would have been something I passed on because I know I am too vulnerable to such triggers.  I know the desperate need to feel we can handle these things and I have had surprising times where my anticipation was worse than the actual event.  But this held so many memories for you.  I hope you found yourself some private time to process what happened and gave yourself credit for making it thru the worst if it.  My heartfelt wishes to you.

[MartyT]

I agree with Gwen, dear Maryann ~ I don't know how you did this, either ~ but it was your choice to do so, and I think you deserve all sorts of kudos for making it through as well as you did. It sounds as if you have an understanding boss, and if that is the case, I am happy for you. I hope you can focus on the fact that this staff luncheon represented a mountain looming before you, and today you managed not only to climb it, but to make it to the top with dignity and grace. You have nothing to hide ~ most especially from all of us. We know how hard this was for you, and we are very, very proud of you.  ♥

[Froggie4635]

Thank you Gwen and Marty.  I guess I feel the need to keep pushing myself.  I spent the day trying to think of everything except what was there in front of me.  I know I have the option to step back if I take myself too far too fast.  Today was my actual "last" first.  The luncheon was in February instead of December...so it wasn't a calendar date that was my trigger but an event.  I didn't see some of the events that came to play...being in the same room that Mark and I were married almost 7 years ago...coming face to face with a couple who were present at our wedding ceremony...the tender moment that he gave his wife the flowers of congratulations on winning...having the memory of myself winning the same award and the surprise of seeing Mark there in the back smiling with pride.  They all began to swirl around me and the composure I had maintained began to slip away.  I don't like to make a scene, and was grateful I was able to make it back to my cubicle before I fell apart.  No matter how strong we think we are...you have to allow the break.

[kayc]

Maryann, I'm glad it's behind you.  You were very brave to go through it for the sake of others when you knew it'd be hard for you.  It is tough.

[Froggie4635]

Got an email from my boss...it is time for my annual birthday lunch at work.  I knew the date was coming, but have been trying to not think about it.  My MIL asked me where I thought I might go for my lunch.  Last year,  I was still deep in the "fog".  I did okay until they got everyone together for cake and blowing out candles.  I have already asked my boss to NOT have candles this year...because I do not have the full benefit of being protected by my fog, and I'm afraid how it will hit me this year.  I really would like for it to just pass by with no hoopla.  I am coming up on my three week cutoff for being able to keep things together without showing emotion.  I came out of a staff meeting on Tuesday, got back to my desk and could feel the emotions coming.  I seem to last about three weeks....then I need a long weekend.  I don't have enough vacation time to do it this week, but will leave early tomorrow.  My MIL is already asking me about Easter...I have begun to lay the foundation that I won't be going to the family event.  Easter is not a BIG deal for me...and there is always an over abundance of children squealing and hyped up on chocolate and fighting for attention.  I think I can be allowed to miss it.  My best friend is coming over on Saturday, so I would like Sunday to be an alone day for me...to escape from the world.  

[Gwenivere]

I don't know what it is about holidays anymore.  We did things for Thanksgiving and Xmas, but not really the others.  Now they hit me like a ton of bricks.  I an guessing it is because I am alone and very aware of them now and how family oriented they are while I have none.  I'd maybe pick up a Cadbury egg for Steve and leave on his desk.  He'd BBQ on the 3 day holidays.  Birthdays are tough for obvious reasons.  I think we become hyper aware of the normal things people do whether we did or not.  We're so alone now that it's like a neon sign to emphasize that.