R.Everit55 Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Let's give warm fuzzy hugs and thoughts and prayers to our KayC as she is such a huge supporter here. June 14 and 19 are special and difficult days for her. The first being her beloved George's birthday and the second being his date of passing. They didn't have as long of a time together yet the time they had meant the world. There is no difference in having many many years together vs only having a few years together. In the end it's all loss and it all hurts as we all know. Big thoughts of support to you dear Kay as you face this difficult time. It being 11 yrs doesn't make anything hurt less. You have all my prayers for comfort. Love, Butch 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Wow. Thank you, I am moved to tears. I have been hurting a lot over someone's remark that my loss is somehow less than theirs because we weren't married as long. Coupled with the fact that his birthday is the 14th, his death day is the 19th, and I am always hit with my dad's birthday and parents' anniversary on the 10th...plus George's death day also fell on Father's Day so I get TWO days to remember his death by...June sucks, pretty much. It's good to know there are some here that understand and care. I know George and I didn't get to be married 50 years, but we would have loved to. It took us a lifetime to find each other but when we did, we knew it. We clicked, it was immediate, we understood each other, had faith in each other, could communicate unbelievably. We were always together when we weren't working, holding hands, cuddling. Our first piece of new furniture was a reclining love seat...George specified no drink holders in the middle for us! That love seat is broken on one side, but still I won't get rid of it, I can't. I sleep in it every night. I can tell you that I still miss him as much as the day he left. I still love him, he is my soul mate, and we knew it from hello. We had so many songs together...it's still hard for me to listen to love songs, not unless I'm home and prepared to let the tears flow. Not in the car...too dangerous. I have his love letters. I have some of his clothes to hold. All of our pets have since died, and I have new ones. It's hard to watch all of the changes take place since he's been gone, you feel like it leaves them more and more behind...but it doesn't. The love is still there, the memories...that never goes. And I look forward to the day we are together again. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Yes, Kay. Thanks for all your support. Will be sending special thoughts to you on the 14 th and 19th. Al and I only had 16 years and it was not nearly enough. Gin 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Kay you had true love with your George. The way you speak of your tremendous connection is just like me and my Mary. Instant and true soul mates. I'm so sorry you were robbed of so many more years together. My heart aches for you. I had 34 total years with my Mary. I wish I could have given you and George some of our years. Big hugs my friend. ❤️ 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 I love you dear friend, Kay. We have been on this journey since my Jim died four years ago. I have found strength in your wisdom and love. How blessed we are. Anne 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Praying for you KayC for peace and restoration during this time period. I just went through my special rough times because of all the special memories Rose Anne and I have together. I remember you being there for me and so many of us during our most urgent and critical time just after our loved ones died. Your gentle and encouraging words and affirmations have helped me to weather the storm of this grief journey. Be assured that I will be interceding for you and lift you up so your heart burdens will be lighter. Shalom - George 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 14 hours ago, R.Everit55 said: I wish I could have given you and George some of our years. Butch, I think that is about the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. But I wouldn't want to take any of your years away. I just wish we could have at least made it to 20, we thought we would, we never dreamed he would die so young. But then we have a lot of young people with losses here, it's very hard for all of them, some who never even got to make it to the altar. My heart bleeds for them. That's what I mean when I say comparisons are not healthy or kind, they devalue another's experience, it's neither fair nor true. To each of us, our own loss is the most painful, how could it be any other way? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Kay,. Al and I found each late in life. We bonded immediately and were always together. We also bought a reclining love seat and always held hands. We were so glad to get our 16 years, but sure wanted so many more. Thanks again for your encouragement. Gin 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Thank you Kay for all you've done for the members of this community. Here's hoping you can find some moments of comfort on the 14th and the 19th. I know you loved your George, heart and soul. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 I really cannot see how anyone would say anything bad about anyone that only tries to help. Grief has no number. I am happy to "know" Kay personally. I am happy to know a lot of you "personally." Cannot believe we all live so far away. But Kay, I picture where you live, and I know it is peaceful. I admire how you carry on your life as a single woman and I also hope that I can live up to part of that if I ever get to live alone. You know, we discuss how bad we feel when "outsiders" say crude and rude remarks to us so certainly, we would not say that about one of our own. Nah........We are kinder than that and even though sometimes we are not gentle with ourselves, I know we want to be gentle with other people who have lost. Just like in one of the books, an older woman said to a younger woman, you are young, you can find someone else. The younger woman told the older woman I will never be able to pass the milestones that your years gave you and your mate.. You do not measure love, tears, pain by years. I really hate that Tylenol. I took off a lot of what I wrote, not because I am a coward (although, I really am), but sometimes I get the notion that God has resigned and appointed me in his place. I will get moved. I am a strong woman. But like Billly said "If you die all your worries and pain will be over with and the worries and pain will be on the ones that you love." He was a prophet and didn't know it. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Love and hugs to you, Kay. I'm sorry that someone made a crass remark to you regarding the length of your marriage. Back in the 1840's there was a political party called the "Know Nothings". I can't tell you why, but when I read your post "know nothings" came to mind. It just seems like a good description for some people. Your 10 years are just as important to you and my 40 are to me. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Kay, you are the best! (I think that pretty well sums it up!) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Always remember Kay, It's not how long you love but how well you do it. Sixteen years was all I had to know my bride. It was long enough to understand how much more deeply I could love and be loved. When you come to realize how many years have past yet your love remains so deep, you know what I'm saying. One of the hardest things about grieving the loss of someone that dear, is how long the hurt lasts. May the months following this one bring happy memories of the love you still share together. That kind of love never dies. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Kay, You have been a great support to me and to everybody here on the forum, always ready to send a word of compassion and understanding. My thoughts are with you. Hugs. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Hugs to you Kay! Rich and I were only married 7 years when he died. It was also 1 month before the 10 year mark when I moved to PA to be with him. We also had a reclining love seat. When you find that once in a lifetime kind of love, it doesn't matter how long you were together. It just hurts so much. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 10, 2016 Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 Thank you Kay for all your support, understanding and encouragement. I know these next few days are going to be difficult, but I hope you can find a little piece of joy during this time remembering the love you and George shared and still share. Hugs to you! Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 KayC, I was watching this video and it reminds me of some of the dumb, awkward, and downright stupid comments people make. This video is very enlightening and worth the watch. And some great practical tips for the clueless people out there that don't know what to say when something tragic happens: It is worth watching to the end. Shalom - George 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 I don't know how you find these videos, but they're good. I found myself knowing what she was going to say. I so understand and agree! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 I was praying today for you and God led me to this video. It explains it well. Shalom 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 Dearest Kay... I can understand completely how these days are hard for you. We are similar in many ways in our grief. Mark died two days after his birthday, so it is like a double shot. Also, Mark and I were married a lot less longer than many people who post on this site...but it does NOT lessen the hurt or the missing. Deep grief comes from deep love. I had always thought I knew what true love was...but I wasn't even close; I found out just what it was when I met Mark. We have exchanged messages often, and the way you talk about George is exactly how I felt about my Mark. I sometimes feel that I don't deserve to grieve as much as someone who has spent their life with their spouse, but the love we had was none the less deep and meaningful. I feel for all those people who have not had a chance to have such a love as we did. I send you many hugs and good energy as you walk through these difficult days. We all love you, and just want you to know that. Maryann 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 Kay, here's wishing you nothing but comfort and peace on your beloved George's birthday today. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 A special hug on this day, Kay. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 Kay, sending you a big hug today and hope you can find some kind of peace and maybe a little joy today. Joyce 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 Dear Kay, I'm so sorry that you were hurt by words that were spoken before they were thought out - or typed before they were heard. We humans have so many faults, the greatest is hurting each other. I too am sending you a big hug today. It is a special day for me as well. It is my wedding anniversary. I also agree June sucks as my dear old Dad's birthday was the 2nd of June and then Fathers' Day. The year I was married... well, following an exciting visit to the hospital with my soon to be brother-in-law and usher (18 stitches later) on Friday the 13th, we were married on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and on Sunday we opened our gifts as we all celebrated Fathers' Day. My husband is the father of our 29 year old son, both the grandfathers are gone. It is hard to celebrate with so many missing hearts. Take care of yourself for yourself Kay. Wishing you a less sorrowful June and forever. Marita 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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