Shock and Awe after 1 year

[iPraiseHim]

I am having trouble sleeping. I usually fall asleep quickly (less than 4 minutes) but the last four nights I lay awake. my mind is racing and when I do manage to fall asleep i wake up in about an hour with a panic attack; heart racing gasping for air, and afraid I'm dying...

I have been working on going to sleep early enough so that I would wake up before the alarm goes off.  I am not sure what is causing this but it is unsettling.  I have t get up early to go to work (5:30am) so now I will get less than six hours sleep.  So I am asking for prayers and wisdom to get my sleep patterns back regular.

I did get my Federal and State Income tax extensions filed.  It is so aggravating that the government has figured out yet another way to hit me with additional taxes in the form of Obamacare.  I have not gone to any medical doctor in two years. I pay more for coverage each year and the mathematically confusing calculations make it so you can never predict how much more "they" say you owe. I have  a business college degree with a concentration in accounting and yet the IRS code baffles me.  Basically they can reach in your wallet and just demand more money and you have no way to figure out how they even did it. 

Despite taking out a record amount form Social Security and Medicare taxes (15.3%) of every dollar earned.  Then you have to pay Federal and state taxes. I make just above the poverty level yet I am hit with all of these taxes that the media claims half of the US citizens don't pay.   I pay another 10% in Federal and state taxes. Plus there are personal property taxes, real estate taxes, and a myriad of other taxes and fees. 

I am really understanding "Taxation without Representation"... come to think of it,  maybe that is why I am having trouble going to sleep tonight.. vent off... - Shalom

[kayc]

Oh George, I understand.  I was asleep maybe ten minutes and woke up.  Lately, I've been waking up between 2:30 and 4:30 and can't go back to sleep.  It's getting old.

Prayers going up for you right now!

[Gwenivere]

Sleep becomes so elusive.  I wake up about 3 times before I have to, the last being the worst as my mind kicks in to thoughts of another day without Steve and what will I do with it.  What will I do with the thoughts I want to share with him?  What will it be like not hearing his thoughts about things going on?  How I don't bother to absorb much because what will I do with observations, emotions and opinions?  The very time we need sleep, it can become lost to us.  I'm really seeing this now as it has persisted for such a long time.  I can barely remember what a restful nights sleep is.

[KATPILOT]

I can remember the last night I slept really well. It was the first Wednesday in November of 2010. Although I was worried sick I didn't want Kathy to know how scared I was. Even though the worry ended in February, something else took it's place.

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 The very time we need sleep, it can become lost to us.  

I get that Gwen. I try and let my body do what it needs to do but somehow the mind gets in the way. I hate turning my mind off with medication. I may sleep longer but it seems to make my mind try and make up for it when I'm awake. I'd rather spend ten hours getting six hours of good sleep any day.

[Gin]

George, Kay,Gwen, Steve,

i am in your club.  Go to bed and finally fall asleep.  Wake up an hour later.  Repeat this all night.  Sometimes I am awake another 2-3 hours.  You are right, Steve.  Spend 10 hours to maybe get 6 hours of sleep.

[kayc]

I slept 1 1/2 hours last night and that with a sleeping pill.  I'm so tired, but this torrential rain is keeping me awake, I hear noises, pouring rain, drips, etc.  

[Margm]

I know I should not be dispensing sleeping pills or medical information.  So many people cannot take medications.  When I was in the hospital last, this was for me, not Billy, a nurse who had just worked a 16 hour shift, and some do this, she had to go by Walmart before she got home.  She used Dramamine to help her sleep.  I remember working 11pm to 7am.  I was too wound up to sleep and I tried a small glass of red wine (I hated the taste, so my choice was Mogan David.  One morning a small glass did not wind me down so I drank more,  and more and when Billy came in at noon for lunch, I was just plain drunk, still not asleep.  When I went to the shrink, I started using the Tylenol PM's.  I asked my doc would I get addicted.  She laughed at me and said I could use them forever.  But, Dramamine, any of the PM's, if you take more than is said for you to take, you will get leg cramps.  Anyhow, I usually wake up about 4:00 a.m. and I take one Dramamine and sleep till 8:30 or 9:00.  I cannot take aspirin or any of the ibuprofen's,so those are just my drugs of choice.  I figure if they help a nurse that has worked 16 hours, they might help someone else. 

Oh yes, sometimes it also helps to listen to the meditation apps with ear buds.  I usually go straight to sleep.

We all do our best, but somehow when our best is not good enough we might slip in something that might help.  Honestly, I don't remember what waking up after getting 6-8 hours of sleep is without help so I have nothing to compare it with.  I don't think I have slept more than 2-3 nights without help since Tylenol PM came out.  

One time in discussing sleep with a Walmart checker, she said her husband did not understand how she slept so fast and long.  She told him that if he stood up on his feet for 16 hours checking groceries he would sleep like she did.  Personally, I am a much lazier person.  I sat on my behind sometimes for up to 16 hours, of course getting up for breaks.  If my mind is wound up, I cannot sleep on my own.  I have to "feel my body singing" to quote my mama.  We do what we have/want to do.

[enna]

There are many sleep apps, videos, and CDs that can help with sleep. My secret is to turn off all TVs, radios, or phones one hour before I go to bed. I sit quietly in the living room and listen to either a guided meditation or a calm video. I do not have anything in my bedroom except a tape of gentle sounds (much like you use with a baby when you want them to go to sleep.) And my room is dark except for a night- light leading to the bathroom.

Here are a few that I use:

Calm

A guided meditation to relax the body

Letting go of exhaustion

Deepak Chopra meditation on insomnia

Belleruth Naparstek has many CDs that are helpful for sleep

If you go to our Tools for Healing there is a meditation post that has many suggestions that have helped me. I think the most important thing is to relax before we climb into bed. 

[Margm]

When my daughter is  on a tear I try the breathing exercises, then I take a Xanax.

[KATPILOT]

Anne you bring up something I forgot. I made a point when you first suggested it but I have been so lazy I set it aside. I do have a cd that I like and should pull it out. It is the ocean with soft music in the background. When I was in Maui last year I had a room over the ocean surf and I had my doors open all night. No wonder I slept better there.

[Margm]

Billy had a condition called tinnitus, he had it for years.  He heard crickets 24/7.  So at night, we played continual noise of storms, rain on the roof, thunder.  This drowned out  his crickets and he slept.  He used to be a hunter and shot the guns close to his right ear.  No ear plugs back then.  DJ's get this young too.  

[Brad]

Sleep continues to be an issue. When I don't sleep my Crohn's flares up. Tried Lunesta for a few months but it didn't work well so now I'm back on Remeron for sleep. It works but I don't like being on anything for sleep so every now and then I'll go off of it and within a week I'm back to three to four hours of sporadic sleep a night. I use an app that tracks my quality of sleep. Also do the quiet time and meditation. 

[iPraiseHim]

I think I have been in a state of agitation this month.  First with the work cancellations and reschedules.  Then the car engine dies and the back up car had some issues. 

Today , my client reschedules for a third time.  They have moved to another home with post construction cleanup.  The home has not been cleaned in a month.  She wants me to stop by to take a look and then schedule either Sat/Sun or next week. They know the first cleaning will take longer but it is hard to pin them down to a time.  With other cancellations my income has dropped drastically.  It should be a temporary thing, I hope . Then another client want to drop to clean every three weeks.  It is a very hard cleaning every two weeks since this person does not clean up anything and is a heavy cigar smoker.

I am looking forward to going away for a few days next weekend,  A mailed check has been delayed again.

I opened the mail and found my Obama Care Insurance has gone up 234%. My payment this year is $129/month.  In January they increase to  $302/month.  I have not gone to the doctor the past two years.  My income did not double.  How is the affordable Healthcare?  

Life is very hard without my sweetie by my side! 

I use a white noise machine to drown out some ambient sounds but i kept waking up thinking I heard my alarm system go off last night.  I am very tired and worked a full day so I should rest better tonight.  - Shalom

[Widowedbysuicide]

I consider myself very fortunate as lack of sleep is not a problem.  Sometimes the quality isn't so great but the quantity is more than sufficient.  I do wake a couple of times during the night needing to use the bathroom and I put my audio book on again when I go back to bed.  I'm also fortunate not to be having nightmares.  A few bad dreams once in a while but nothing traumatic.

For those who don't get sleep I don't know how you manage.  It must be a struggle to get through the day and then to think it will be the same again each night.  In the past when I have had some insomnia I used a lavender oil on my temples or a fragrance that was relaxing on my pillow case.  I like the smell of Bengay or Absorbine Jr. And have used that on my wrists.  Also I did a class in relaxation where we pictured a place in our mind and we were encouraged to discover what we could feel on our face, how the air smelled and so on.  It was wonderful.

Tonight we have rain again.  Part of the storm that Washington and Oregon got has been passing my way.  I remember my father-in-law saying he slept well during the storms because it was so much more comfortable in his bed at home than it had been in the North Sea during the war.

Wherever you are may you each sleep soundly and awaken fresh for a new day.

 

George, I really like your 'picture' on here.  I can see that you are very much in love.  Hugs to you.

 

[scba]

George, I cannot find anybody of trust to come and clean the apartment once a week. I have been cancelled many times, others don't respond to my enquiries. I wish I could hire you but I live very far away! Hope the situation, work and sleep, gets better soon. 

[kayc]

Marg,

Some of those OTC medications are not good for high blood pressure so I never take anything without checking with my doctor first...I highly recommend that people clear things with their doctor, who knows their medical situation and what Rxs they're on.

I usually go to sleep just fine, but when I wake up in the night, I have a hard time going back to sleep.  My anxiety kicks in and my mind keeps going.  Lately I've been hearing the loud thundering rain and the leaking roofs and that causes worry about my place.  I cannot seem to drown out my thoughts.  Last night I woke up at 2, went to the bathroom, but was delighted to know at 5:30 am that I had gone back to sleep, I needed it!

The meditations work best for me if I'm having a hard time going to sleep with to start with, but once my mind gets going in the middle of the night, I think I need a hammer to the head to shut it off!

[Margm]

Well again, my 43 years in medicine did not give me a pad to write prescriptions or dispense information.  Listen to Kay and do what is right for yourself.  I do what is right for me, and when it all comes down to it, that is what we all have to do.  I'm sorry if I might have given someone an idea for a medication that might put them in harm's way.  Sometimes even the herbal medications can harm you.  If you can find a doctor that really gives a damn then you have struck gold.  They are out there, I know.  I am just used to them prescribing antidepressants that cause diabetes and bowel problems and sometimes they do not even review the list of your medications you are allergic to and you have to be super vigilant and take your health into your own hands. They have the diploma, but you do not see the nurse that is timing each doctor his 15 minutes with each patient.  If you can find a Doc Adams in this century, lock onto him.   

[kayc]

I learned to stand up to my doctor that I had for 33 years and if he tried to prescribe something for me that I didn't think was good for me, I'd tell him so and tell him what I wanted instead (after extensive research, of course).  But I learned from him...I used to work for him!  He was my doctor for 33 years and yes, he was very caring, but alas he closed his practice several years ago and I had to find someone else.

[Gwenivere]

One of my biggest fears is when my doc retires.  After 26 years we have a very fine tuned relationship.  Having had to see other doctors in emergencies has shown me that times have changed regarding time spent with patients.  Like you, Kay, my doc was not intimidated by my researching treatment on my own, often encouraging it.  There are many fine doctors out there.  It's finding the one that you can be a team with that takes time.  

[kayc]

Nowadays the trend is they'll only see you for one thing at a time.  Anything else and you have to schedule another appointment for each thing.  I always brought my LIST in to my doctor!

[Margm]

It took my son four months to be seen in the VA system this time, changing states.  Ex-gov Jindal tore our medical system to pieces, along with the educational system and used it only as a platform to run for president.  He stayed away from the crisis we are in.  Our state hospitals were dismantled, which also involved the VA doctors that share duties with the VA system.  

There are good doctors out there.  My friend has lupus and something else wrong from taking chemo for breast cancer.  In the big city of Little Rock, after four months they tried a Texarkana rheumatologist.  Could not see him either. What does she do?  She fell through the cracks.  Billy saw a nephrologist twice a year, lab work was drawn.  I wonder why his liver function tests were never looked at?  We never got a bill from this doc.  He was a home town friend, in the big city, had gone to him for 18 years.  Every shrink I have called was not taking new patients.  I will go the family practice route again.  I need my flu shot anyhow.  If you find a real, live, physician that you can see, go to him.  In my condition, my surgeon told me I scared him.  The GYN doc told me they could do a D&C but if they found anything they could not fix it.  My insides are ruined from the radiation that saved my life in 1982.  I am now a geriatric patient and honestly, (and I know this from typing H&P's, consults, discharge summaries, and clinic notes on patients in Arkansas, Louisiana and New Mexico,) Big Pharma, insurances (Obamacare), and other reasons, health care is not what it used to be.  I found once I went on Medicare I stopped seeing family physicians.  I now see PA's, nurse practitioners, and nurses.  

So, if you find a doctor you are happy with, stay with him, and good luck.  

[kayc]

I've been seeing my current doctor for several years, I like her, but not her assistant, who has an attitude and doesn't always follow through with her job correctly.  She's caused a lot of problems but I have to be careful what I say to the doctor as their allegiance seems tight.  I feel like it's a balancing act!  For instance, she didn't put in for my blood strips correctly so they refused to fill the Rx for them...after trying to get it straightened out for months to no avail and dealing with this gal's attitude, I finally decided it wasn't worth it and spent $950 of my own money on strips for the year, even though it should have been covered by my insurance.  I'd tried to talk to the doctor but she'd just turned it over to the assistant and back we were!  I didn't want to lose my doctor over it so I bucked up and took it.

[Brad]

My GI retired in October of 2014.  He was wonderful.  At that time I switched all of my medical care from the myriad specialists and my PCP to the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale.  It is so refreshing having doctors who actually talk to each other and everyone knows what everyone else is doing.  For me it is worth the 200 mile drive to have the best medical care in the nation.  Additionally everyone I have met from the volunteers through the specialists are so kind, welcoming, accommodating and caring.  I found I get far better care much quicker by making the drive than by driving fifteen minutes to the local physicians.  Plus in hundreds of appointments I have seldom had to wait past my appointment time.  Most of the time they take me early.  That is unheard of in the real world.

[Margm]

I would like to go to the clinic that was 15 miles from my house in Arkansas.  In the clinic I go to here in this over 10,000 population home town the next appointment you can get is November 24th, and then you see a nurse practitioner.  I have no dire needs right now, but I would like to have someone to depend on.  How do you schedule getting sick on November 24th?  What they have you do is go to the ER.  I have been that route and they hastened Billy's death.  Not imagination, just a fact.  My mom waited five hours in this ER and never was seen.  

I actually do not have an ongoing problem they can fix.  I can have a colostomy if the colon ruptures again and only escaped it this time through the ingenuity of the surgeon that "I scared him."  GYN cannot fix me.  Finding a doctor close that you can depend on just to be there if you need them is next to impossible.  I have a terrible fear of traveling back up to where my house is being leased.  I know it is a fear of the memories.  They were good memories, but Billy left me in Arkansas and I don't want to go back.  I know, this is a fear that a shrink needs to look at, but you  cannot get an appointment with one of them either.  

Marty's father, and those family physicians are a thing of the past, a long time ago past.  

[iPraiseHim]

My sleep has been better the last two nights.  A missing check was finally delivered today ( 3 days late). I do have some work this week. 

Today is a very emotional day. No particular reason.  It's tiring, draining, and I just don't like the crying.  Still there must be a reason to all of this. I don't like these sad feelings and how they try to permeate my life. ... and still battling the loneliness. 

I have more business tax reports that are due by the end of the month that I am trying to get done this week. 

My two aunts will be coming in to visit for a few days next week so we (my Dad, sister & hubby) will be getting together.  It's been a long time since the last family outing.  I just don't like to go out eating alone.  I tried it but just don't like it. - Shalom